There Crissy was, minding her own business when she had a sudden urge to go and look for a bottle of lotion in the bathroom cabinet even though she knew it wasn’t in there because Crissy is a little bit psychic or she has very good intuition or something and she just knows things sometimes and also just knows stuff is going to happen even when all signs say otherwise so when something tells her to go and do something right away, she does it.
So she hauled her big giant ass off her bed where she had been lounging reading some pulpy book about vampires and girls named Sookie (thanks Val! Crissy has read three of the series this weekend! Why isn’t there more hot vampy sex like in the first one? Makes Crissy sad.) to go into the bathroom for the lotion.
She opened the closet and what did she find in there?
No, Ricky came out of the closet already didn’t he? He’s so hawt, isn’t he? Remind Crissy to tell you about the religious experience she had once while watching him on Oprah. It changed Crissy’s life.
Anygay, it was Girlfriend in the closet.
And she had the haircutting scissors Crissy uses to trim Girlfriend’s ends.
And she was standing in a pile and holding fist fulls of her HAIR!!!
Her beautiful, beautiful, beautiful hair!
And Crissy was not even able to assess the damage because right away all she saw was the piles of curls and she immediately went into hyper-active and freaked the fuck out.
And then Girlfriend freaked the fuck out because Crissy did and poor Mister was in the shower shaving his balls and was all “what is happening? Somebody tell me what is happening!” because both Crissy and Girlfriend were running around the house crying and yelling because after her haircut Girlfriend now looks like Charo.
While that look may work for Charo, or, um, not, it does not work for Girlfriend, but Crissy supposes she should be really grateful it’s not worse.
Girlfriend could have cut off huge chunks right at the scalp and made herself look like she has The Cancer or something.
And Crissy knows all kids do this at least once in their lives and she fully expected it to happen at some point, but holy shit you guys. Crissy was not prepared for the shock of it.
And so Crissy’s task for today is to call the lovely Miss Stephanie, who cuts Mister’s hair (and who Mister is a little sweet on if you ask Crissy and her intuition), because so far Stephanie is the only person who Girlfriend has ever sat still for, and hopefully she can even out the choppy Charo-ness so that we can all move on and laugh about this someday very, very soon.
Remember the time Girlfriend chopped her hair up and looked like Charo?
Please tell Crissy your “once, when I was little, I cut my own hair” stories. It will make her feel much better.