You gotta wash your ass or else you’ll be funky.

Wow Queefs.

Who knew there were so many Queefettes out there just like Crissy who are just one more motherfucking beer bottle away from spousal homicide?

Man, we are PISSED!

It warms the cockles of Crissy’s heart, really and she’s glad she brought it up. Crissy thinks it made us all feel a little bit better.

And now on to the post that some of you already read yesterday morning until Crissy pulled it back because combined with the beer bottle rant it was way, way too long.

It made Crissy bored just looking at it.

Ahem.

So this morning (or, er, yesterday morning) Crissy was all set to come downstairs and write about one of many things on her mind that she saw on the Turn to 10 news at 6 with her favorite reporter ever, Frank Coletta.

Morning Frank!

Crissy is doing a coffee cup salute to you, homeslice!

If you don’t live in RI or mAss, you don’t know what Crissy is talking about.

And Crissy wondered if she should discuss the bank robbing ninja because how awesome is that?

It’s pretty fucking awesome if you ask Crissy.

Or what about the fact that it is LEGAL in RI to practice prostitution indoors. Apparently, if you are out of doors it is not okay so don’t anyone come to RI for a hummer in the park and expect the po-po to tolerate that shit. You have to go inside if you want a hummer.

This is excellent news because just like Crissy has a strict policy against leaving her chair at work, she also has a strict policy against leaving her house because that means she will have to put on a bra and Crissy doesn’t like to do that so if she does lose her job she has another career lined up that is perfectly legal and does not require her to leave her house or put on a bra or even leave her bed.

She may, however, need to get a new mattress but since it’ll be a business expense it won’t be a big deal.

Yay!

She’s even got an idea!

She’s going to run specials!

Buy nine blow jobs, get the tenth one free! And she’s got all kinds of other fun things like that planned too.

Crissy is a brilliant business woman, obviously.

Crissy also thought about The Craigslist Killerbecause as you know, he was in Rhode Island and as you know Crissy is selling her refrigerator on craigslist (STILL!!! Clearly craigslist shoppers wouldn’t know quality refrigeration if it bit them in the cubes. Get it? Refrigerator, ice cubes? Balls? Hahahahahahaha!!!! No?) and so it could have been Crissy he tried to kill! Thank God they caught him before he could kill Crissy! Of course he was really killing random whores who advertised their “services” on craigslist but you don’t know if he was going to up and decide to start killing pregnant ladies selling refrigerators.

That was a close one, Queefs.

Did you hear that the moron left a trail of cell phone calls, IP addresses, and then kept a pair of panties from each victim in his apartment?

What a douche.

So anyhoodle, Crissy’s got to go start her exercise before she has to get out of the house. She’s doing this one today which at first looks like your mom’s favorite but it’s actually sort of fun:

Plus it’s easy.

Crissy is cheating.

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26 comments

  1. Hey, just so you know, I remembered what state you are in, and I THOUGHT about you with the craigslist killer……yep, I did.

    That should elevate me in your royal court in SOME way, I’d think.

    Shelly’s last blog post: ETIQUETTE

  2. If he even tried I know you’d get the upper hand in one second flat, shove that fridge up his pooper and win a huge cash reward for his capture via ass-capitation and invite all the Queefs on a Caribbean vacation and quit working and …

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post: The Adorable Blog Award

  3. I’m originally from southeastern Connecticut, and I do know what (and who) you’re talking about! Is Art Lake still doing the weather or did he finally retire?

    We had our own “Craigslist killer” out here, but he didn’t get the impressive body count yours did (slacker) and he’s already been sentenced to many many many many years in pound-me-in-the-ass prison, but people around here were shocked — SHOCKED, I tell you — that something like this could ever happen on the internets.

    Mr. POSSLQ’s last blog post: Yes, I know.

  4. Wait, you can lose poundage by walking? Because, last time I checked, I was walking every time I wasn’t crawling. And I am not losing the poundage. So, maybe that just means I need to quit the drink so I can quit the crawling and walk more? Hmmm, what a novel idear.

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Reality

  5. We don’t have exciting things like Craig’s list killers or BTK killers or anything. We did have a sniper up in Memphis (when I lived there a whiel back) for a few weeks who was picking off people as they drove by on a busy road (yeah, he shot into moving cars randomly – really bright).

    Sure, it’s legal to marry your cousin down here, but we don’t have serial killers. I think that should be our new motto.

  6. Shelly- You’re pretty high up anyway.

    Akilah- All I’d have to do is sit on him. The poor bastard woulnd’t stand a chance.

    Mr. POSSLQ- Poor Art had a stroke. He came back for a little while but it was just really sad. Kelly Bates replaced him and she’s just great.

    K8- blow job. I’ve got to start doing word of the week again.

    Nilsa- Well there are reisistance bands involved and some brisk moving around the room. You don’t have to quit the drink, just do the workout and put vodka in your water bottle.

    Daisee- Hahahahahaha!

    Matt- RI is cute.

    crissy’s last blog post: You gotta wash your ass or else you’ll be funky.

  7. Indoor prostitution sounds like something me and wife have already done and now that I think about it, we should have charged… and we would be loaded by now.. (mauahaha I said loaded).

    A fellow blogger and acquaintance is actually the cousin of the girl that was killed by the CL douche. (serious note, really). She said that media has been portraying her in the wrong way…

    PorkStar’s last blog post: Blame it on the train, yeah yeah… *

  8. Maybe the Craigslist killer got frustrated that he could not procure “slightly used” panties on Ebay and so had to up the ante…

    And I’m a little confused… Wouldn’t you think the Woodland Gays would take issues with the “no hummers outside” policy?

    Also, check the Infernal Revenue Service Rules… a new mattress might not be a business expense if you actually SLEEP on it. Just don’t want you goin’ to the pokey for Income Tax Evasion.

    MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Procrastinated Meme

  9. I hate the Craigslist killer. Because now my mom won’t stop saying, “NO! You can’t put stuff on Craigslist! Someone will kill you.” I think there have been Wal-Mart shooters, but that doesn’t stop her.

    Smelly Kelly’s last blog post: Yo-Yo-Yo Dieting

  10. Pork- All married peoples practice some sort of prostitution or another. “I’ll blow you if you do the dishes,” that sort of thing.

    Chris- The routine is sort of an organized mess.

    Ms. Darkstar- Well the Woodland Gays are probably fine just as long as they don’t exchange monies. Did you know that it is also legal in RI to walk around wearing a strap on?Thanks for the heads up on the mattress thing!

    crissy’s last blog post: You gotta wash your ass or else you’ll be funky.

  11. for those interested in RI and its prostitution statutes:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Rhode_Island
    http://www.projo.com/news/content/legal_prostitution_projo_04-19-09_3QE309A_v270.28ed082.html
    http://www.sexwork.com/legal/RhodeIsland.html

    Rhode Island General law 11-34-8 defines prostitution as “loitering for indecent purposes: It shall be unlawful for any person to stand or wander in or near any public highway or street, or any public or private place, and attempt to engage passersby in conversation, or stop or attempt to stop motor vehicles, for the purpose of prostitution or other indecent act, or to patronize, induce, or otherwise secure a person to commit any indecent act.”

    so the solicitation in public is illegal. pandering, aka running a brothel and/or securing a location to engage in sex, is also illegal.

    as of 1 or 2 years ago, prostitution involving TRAFFICKING ie coercion has been made illegal, but that’s it.

  12. hah, my mom is now concerned about my CraigsList use as well. i GUESS i’ll stop offering Sexy Massages on there, but.. i mean.. the money was pretty good.

    Alice’s last blog post: solo

  13. Don’t forget that you already have your in home prostitution gift shop already started. There’s your titty mug and the peen mug. I think you can get a mail order business going and do everything from the comfort of your bed. When you’re not getting up to Walk Strong, that is.

  14. QOFE, There is something I’ve been wanting to say for a long time. Today, it feels right.

    Crissy, can I come live with you?
    I’ll bring my feet massage techniques and my nail polish pens, which make footsie painting easy!

    Also, I’m easy and I don’t require much pay when this whole prostitution ring starts up.

    I can play with Girlfriend and Taco if needed and I can hold the camera for you and Mister.

    And I’m pretty. If that helps? Were friends on The Facebook and The Twitter, so I know you know what I lookie like.

    Your Faithful Servant,

    Meagan Kate

    MeaganKate’s last blog post: adulthood realized?

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