Crissy has no idea what the title of this post has to do with anything, but maybe by the end it will have something to do with something.
Crissy and Alice have been watching the Today Show and you know what that means.
They’re all fired up again.
And this time it’s Tori Spelling.
The only good thing Crissy and Alice will say is that they loved her dress, but other than that?
She was on yesterday morning talking about all the crap she’s up to and she’s got a reality tv show, and some drama with her mama, and she’s written a book (!)and she’s wicked skinny, and there’s a new line of kid’s clothes coming out in the fall, and Crissy thinks she’s even got a fucking fragrance or some crap like that coming out too.
What is it with every celebrity needing a fragrance these days? It’s weird. Who the hell wants to smell like Sara Jessica Parker?
Crissy just wants her shoes and maybe some of her clothes, but that’s it.
Anyway, Tori Spelling.
And she’s all “I’m a woman just like everyone else” and Meredith Vieira is all swoony over all of Tori’s AMAZING and INCREDIBLE accomplishments and Crissy is just like “oh. Please. Don’t be an asshole, Meredith.”
Alice is smarter and more creative than Tori Spelling.
And she’s much better looking, too.
Tori looks like a donkey with lipstick and fake eyelashes.
But you know what Alice doesn’t have and Tori does?
MONEY and CONNECTIONS.
So Crissy and Alice are totally unimpressed with all of Tori’s success because she’s had the resources to pretty much do whatever she wants.
Not so much.
So Crissy and Alice think it’s bullshit that everyone is so knocked out when a celebrity has all sorts of crap going because really?
If Crissy and Alice had the resources, they’d have a lot of stuff going on too.
In fact, Alice has been working on a fragrance.
It’s an earthy scent.
It sort of smells like grass and bunny shit.
She’s just not sure how to get the marketing just right.
And Crissy is thinking of turning her blog into a book because seriously?
If Doosh and Tori Spelling can do it, Crissy can do it.
Also, Schmuckytown Pubic just had a big budget decrease and so they have to cut some stuff and Crissy might lose her job so we have to think of something else for her to do.
Anybody got a favorite story they think should go in there because Crissy doesn’t even know where to start…