This is the second twidget related post this week and if Crissy had known this would be the topic du jour she would have just gone ahead and made it Twidget Week or something but it’s Wednesday already so fuck it.
Maybe tomorrow we’ll talk about something else.
So Crissy is totally obsessed with Discovery Health birth story shows.
Her favorite being Deliver Me because the doctors are all pretty and dress really cute, but really she’ll watch anything that has a screaming pregnant woman and some medical peoples in it.
Sometimes when she feels like feeling like a Sane Person she watches the show about Freebirthing. It’s when a crazy bat shit dirty hippie puts a kiddie pool in her living room, fills it with water from the garden hose, and has a baby all alone. No midwife, no hospital, no EPIDURAL, no nothing. Maybe she has one of her other children help her (!), maybe she has her husband or lezbeefriend there to video the event, but other than that she’s alone.
Oh, and her other children are in the room watching the whole thing.
Good luck with that, moron.
And Crissy wasn’t always interested in these shows and in fact they would normally get a big giant eye roll and a “who gives a shit about your birth story, lady?” from her but now she’s sort of letting all her delivery room fears and anxieties play out while watching them. What’s funny is that Mister doesn’t complain when Crissy watches these shows and Crissy thinks he’s letting his shit play out too.
And Girlfriend loves anything to do with surgery or blood because she’s the most delicate of little flowers everywhere and so she watches with just as much fascination as Crissy does and she has taken what she has learned and has been very busy preparing to “help mommy get the baby out.”
“I will suck the baby out of mommy’s vagina with this!” she declares as she comes at Crissy with her plunger.
She keeps it in her little plastic Home Depot tool box because whenever something goes wrong in the house, she’s right there with her stuff and she’s prepared to help daddy unclog a sink or deliver a baby.
The funny thing is that Crissy thinks it might actually work, and if Crissy suddenly loses her mind and we wind up with a Freebirthing Situation she might need Dr. Girlfriend to help her out.
And if the doctor has to cut the baby out of mommy’s tummy we have the rest of her Home Depot tool kit:
What concerns Crissy is that Girlfriend has both a doctor kit and a veterinarian kit, but it’s the tool box she plans to use.
Crissy is starting to think we spend way too much time at The Home Depot.