Pimp my twidget!

On Friday afternoon Crissy and Girlfriend were in the car on the way to pick Alice up from the groomer’s when Crissy heard an ad on the radio for a local spa and amongst the services offered was something rather curious.

VAGINAL REJUVENATION.

And Crissy was all “WHAT?”

And Girlfriend was all “WHAT MAMA? What are you whating about?”

And then the ad ended and Crissy was certain she heard the whole thing wrong and that she must have inserted vagina into the sentence instead of like angina or foot or something because Crissy is very worried about her little twidget lately and what is to become of it in a couple of months and so naturally she’s a little preoccupied with it. So she facebooked it and some lovely lady wrote back and said Crissy heard it right.

And Crissy is wondering what they do exactly and if she needs to ask for a gift certificate to the spa.

Do they give it a martini, a candlelight bath, and a nice massage?

Crissy thinks her twidget would like that very much.

So Crissy googled it like the nice lady said she should and Crissy is here to tell you that there is such a thing as VAGINAL REJUVENATION.

Right?

And it’s totally nuts.

What they do is they take a fucking laser to it!

Close your mouth.

It’s for people who are too lazy to do Kegels and the eventual goal is to make the twidget prettier and tighter but in all the research Crissy did at work on the topic not one website described the actual procedure.

Apparently, it’s that scary.

And so Crissy is thinking they don’t tell you over the Internet because what really happens is they bring Shatner in:

Either that or this dude:

Eeeeekkkk!

Crissy’s twidge is very, very scared of Robocop and so she thinks she’s just going to go with the old fashioned Kegels and see how we do.

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32 comments

  1. When I saw that on FB I googled it also. Thank you for not posting the before/after photos that they were so proud of. Not what you want to see first thing in the morning.

  2. I’m intrigued but don’t think I really want to see closeup twidget shots first thing in the morning. Maybe after a few mojitos some night I’ll get brave and Google it.

    MsDarkstar’s last blog post: WiFi Envy

  3. the operation is also known as:

    trimming the sails

    since i’ve been so remiss on keeping up a WOTW, i figured i’d toss some alternate terms for the topic “at hand” out there:

    GOOD:
    mouse’s ear
    mole’s eye
    butler’s cuff

    BAD:
    roast beef curtains
    clamchops
    clown’s pocket
    pussy napkin
    lumphinnans
    welly top
    beach taffy
    crotch waffle
    bucket fanny
    fenellas
    wizard cuffs
    knicker elastics
    taco tentacles
    american quilt
    texan envelope

  4. Um. Well. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t like the ‘V’ word AT ALL……so rejuvinating it in a doctor’s office just isn’t that appealing.

    Wow.

  5. Maybe Stoogepie will do a comic explaining this to us. Kind of a layperson’s version with pictures.

    Can’t remember which James Bond movie it was but i’m pretty sure i wouldn’t care for any laser beams around my lower parts.

  6. I can’t lie. I’m nervous about my twidget too. I made le husband sign a contract stating he would agree and pay for me to have my boobs put back in their proper position and a tummy tuck if personal training didn’t give me a flat stomach.

    I’m not above lasers in my vag either.

    Dolce’s last blog post: Aladdin said it best

  7. OH MY!!! I honestly have never heard of this and I’ve got my little legs crossed all the way down to my ankles just now… however if my man ever catches wind of this I need all ya’ll to SWEAR it is an urban rumor and really he just needs a vasectomy and then it’ll all feel just fine anyways…

    kitty’s last blog post: Mother in Laws – honestly

  8. I like the idea of a laser! But I was thinking more like you put a laser deep inside and the beam shoots out. That would fucking rock! And Alice would love it, too!

    But, if you’re opposed to lasers, Reverand Dr. stoogepie says try an oak gall product like virgina or gripper vagina tightening formula. If you mix it with Preparation H and Ken does some sextasy, it’s pretty awesome.

    stoogepie’s last blog post: A Crissy and stoogepie Fairytale

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