Crissy should be appointed Foreign Minister now, obviously.

Oh Queefs!

Crissy knows you have been worried sick to death all weekend about the party and how it went and if the people of Foreign Ethnicity liked Crissy or not and if she was denied food and toilet because they did not like her outfit.

But Crissy actually found a super cute outfit to put on and not one single person laughed or pointed at her in Foreign Ethnicity Language and she is happy to report that the party was just lovely.

And they were really, very nice and Crissy was absolutely charming and affable as of course is very normal for her even when inside she is dying of shyness and they went out of their way to make Crissy feel at home and they sent a huge plate of food home for Mister because he couldn’t make it and do you know what the best part of the whole party was?

That Crissy didn’t get lost on the way there even a little bit despite her lack of Volvo/Batmobile navigation system/sense of direction?
The amazing food?
The hot single guys who were all over Crissy like Brown on rice because hello! She’s obviously fertile and that’s what all the single fellas like?
The lovely home Brianna lives in?

Nay, nay.

It was the total lack of Escalade Pajama Cunts.

Turns out Girlfriend was the only school friend that little Brianna invited to the party.


How do you like them cupcakes, Pajama Cunts?

Crissy and Girlfriend are totally down with the Brown Peoples now and YOU. ARE. NOT.

So suck it.

See? Crissy told you everything would be fine.

You Queefs worry way too much.

It’s not good to be so anxious all the time, you know.

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  1. I’m glad the party went well and you didn’t die of the shyness.

    P.S. One of our best friend couples is brown. From India, with accents and everything (well, she has an accent, he doesn’t). So I am too down with the brown!!

  2. Brown people are awesome. They usually have the best food! Unless by brown you are referring to some type of mid-eastern types. Then I have to say that the food is not my favorite.

    My aunt is from the Philippians and makes the best effing food on the planet.

    Kelly’s last blog post: Wild Wild West

  3. Daisee- You know what the best part is? I totally hit it off with the mom and dad and they have a pool! Yay.

    Shelly- I loved your movie night idea, but I was too tired to walk around Target gathering all the necessary stuff, so we bought her a super cute beach cover-up and a pair of matching flip flops.

    Rachel M.- Girlfriend and I totally run that school now.

    Matt- Yes. The brown peoples know true royalty when they see it.

    Kelly- You know what I’m into lately? Lebanese and Korean food. Mostly the vegetarian stuff though because meat is a little yucky.

    crissy’s last blog post: Crissy should be appointed Foreign Minister now, obviously.

  4. Oh man, I’m super jealous you found someone with a pool. I tried convincing the hub to get a pool, but he said NO. Now I just have to find a good friend with one. Bonus if they make good food of foreign ethnicity!

  5. You can’t go telling me you ate cake for the two of us without describing how it tasted. I mean, seriously, how do I know I’d even like your cake. Because if it was coconut infused cooked fruit, I can guarantee you can have that cake all to yourself!

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Family

  6. Yes but did the mommy seem the type to rail out a line of blow on a hooker’s stomach when the kids were in the other room playing? I mean these are the types of mommy friends we need.

    melissalion’s last blog post: Look Look!

  7. cew- That site is awesome!

    Deutlich- Clearly.

    Daisee- We’re putting one in soon. We just have a few more things that we need to do first and then you can come over and use our pool. I’ll even make Tacos or something.

    Nilsa- Oh it was good. It was moist double fudge cake with that super thick frosting that has so much sugar in it it’s crunchy. You would have wanted some. Believe me.

    Melissa- No. She was nice but it would be one of those more polite, “meet you at the children’s museum” type mom friends and not one of those “let’s rent 5 kid’s movies and park them in front of the tv so we can get our drink on!” sort of mom friends. Sigh. The search continues.

    crissy’s last blog post: Crissy should be appointed Foreign Minister now, obviously.

  8. absolutely charming and affable as of course is very normal for her even when inside she is dying of shyness…

    When did you start to inhabit my body and feel the same things I do?

  9. Dingo- They’re a crafty bunch, aren’t they?

    Joe- Even the Queen has her weak moments when she’s peeing her pants with anxiety. I am only human…mostly.

    Kiala- As they should be.

    k8- There’s a reason why we like each other’s blogs.

    Melissa- I don’t think he’d call it torment…more like THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED. Remind me to tell you about the time when my friend Suzi crawled into bed with us after a night of wild wine consumption and people having sex on our kitchen counter. I think he’d think it was better even than that night.

    crissy’s last blog post: Crissy should be appointed Foreign Minister now, obviously.

  10. btw, this is susan (and crissy):

    scans049 (by k.a. gilbert)

    she DID climb into bed right next to crissy a few years ago, drunk off her ass, and freshly fucked to boot.

    it was ALMOST the best day of my life…

  11. Despite fear of being a super stalker, I’m back to leave yet another comment.

    I would totally come use your pool and do kick ass yoga with you to get into bathing suit shape. And I want to be friends with you guys. You seem to have the best freaking parties and stories. I dont’ think I’ve ever had a hot chick crawl in to bed with me and my hub. EVER. This is a shame.

  12. no daisee, the SHAME is that my wife put the kibosh on the freshly fucked sloppy drunk milf threesome.

    a guy only gets so many opportunities like that in a lifetime…

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