Crissy will drive like the wind someday

Do you know what Crissy wants now?

She wants this:

It’s fuckin’ mad sick, yo.

It’s Edward’s Volvo S60R and

huhuhuhuhhhuuuuu that vampire has fine taste in automobiles and Crissy wants. She does not care if Edward comes with it or not but on second thought maybe it would be nice because he would have to teach her how to drive it and let her touch his penis by accident on purpose whilst reaching for the “stick” because despite her best efforts last year, she still does not know how to drive one of those.

Do you Queefs remember that last year Crissy wanted a black BMW in the worst way, and if you clicked on the link you would know that, but then she saw this car instead and now she wants it instead of the BMW because who wouldn’t?

It’s way better.

And Crissy would do all sorts of Fancy Driving in it just like Edward. Stop sign? Meh. If Crissy speeds through a stop sign so fast you can’t see her it is not wrong.


And let’s just see how the Escalade Pajama Cunts do trying to park their big fat hogs in front of the school when Crissy gets her new Volvo. Crissy doesn’t think she’ll have any more trouble with those bitches because her new Volvo can do stuff that their giant truck things cannot like pop a wheelie and peel out and take that spot right from them before they even know what happened!

Put a quarter in your ass ’cause you played yourself, bitch.

That’s Crissy’s parking spot now.


Crissy’s old mom Saab can’t do that, you know. Crissy tried it and now Mister has to get her a new wheel or transmission or fly wheel or whatever but Crissy says to him not to bother because she’s getting Edward’s car instead.

In a two door please because fuck the dumb shit.

Crissy is made for speed and two extra doors will only slow her down.

Just as soon as Girlfriend and Taco are out of their car seats, Crissy is getting one.

It’s going to be so sweet you guys.

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  1. nice wheels, but….

    …i think that if edward drove the oscar meyer weiner mobile then you would want one too…

    ANYTHING having to do with the twilight vampire makes you hot and horny

    fact or fiction?

  2. Rachel- Don’t worry. I won’t bite you.

    Dingo- The Volvo is offended by that insensitive label you have placed upon it. NO RIDE FOR YOU!!

    Aznman- No it’s more the Moonlight vampire but we don’t see him anymore and I’m forced to transfer onto Edward. Angel and Mick are really my favorites.

    Shelly- Pinkie promise me that if you get one you’ll come pick me up!

    Nilsa- I used to feel that way about my Saab but now my eye is wandering…

    crissy’s last blog post: Crissy will drive like the wind someday

  3. Driving a car with a stickshift is not all that difficult but you need someone with absolutely no emotional investment in the vehicle you learn in to teach you. Otherwise, they weep as you grind the gears and clutch into a fine dust and that can be very distracting when you’re trying to concentrate on keeping the “people I ran over because I forgot how to downshift” count low.

    MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Winter continues to hang around…

  4. Love that car! Isn’t it crazy how you even give up auto-dreams for your kids? Even if it’s temporary… I want a Mini Cooper! My husband can’t even fit in one of those, let alone my kids! But that’s okay, they can stay home!

    Kelly’s last blog post: Second Grade Moron

  5. Stealthnerd- I actually thought of doing a Barbie demo of my awesome driving skills…

    Matt- No! It’s not Edward I swear. Okay maybe it started out as Edward but now it’s not.

    Pimp- I knew you’d be into it. So where is it? IS IT IN THE GARAGE RIGHT NOW???!!!!

    Ms. Darkstar- True that. Mister cried like a little girl when I drove his car. So did my dad. Such pussies.

    Kelly- Oh! I want a Mini Cooper too!!!! Forget car seats and strollers! I WANNA BE CUTE DAMMIT!

    Ben- I wouldn’t get it in silver for that exact reason.

    k8- LAME! Ditch the van and be fun with me!

    Deutlich- If you’re nice to me I’ll let you touch it.

    crissy’s last blog post: Crissy will drive like the wind someday

  6. Can I tell you a little dream I have. I want my own car that no one will be allowed in. No children, no Stever, no one but me. And it will be a red early squareback, in which I’ve put an electric engine. I’ve had this fantasy for about seven years (yes, before Archie, I was dreaming of a day when I’d have a car with no children in it) and this year is it so coming true!

    melissalion’s last blog post: In Your Face Portland News Media!

  7. oh my, so funny!
    i was looking at the volvo, but i thought they didn’t make it in a stick….yeah, i’m one of those weirdos that doesn’t like driving automatic. [ok, that’s a minor reason why i’m a weirdo]

    anyhoo, love your stuff!

    mister – do they still make the S60R? i didn’t see it on

    just me’s last blog post: Z singing

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