Morning Queefs.
There is something bothering Crissy so much that it had her up at 4am eating strawberry rhubarb pie just worrying herself to death. She saw on the tee-vee about this terrible, terrible, hilarious affliction that strikes fives of peoples all over the world at any given time after serious brain trauma or surgery. It’s called Alien Hand Syndrome, Dr. Strangelove Syndrome, or Anarchic Hand and it’s something we should all be very, very concerned about.
Crissy might even start a foundation because when Crissy heard about it, it made Crissy laugh and laugh hahahahahahahahaha! just like that because apparently you can have this problem or syndrome or whatever where your right hand and your left hand do two different things, which seems like it would be annoying but not too too bad, only one of the hands has a mind of it’s own and is actually self-destructive.
So, for example, Alien Hand Victim Guy could be driving home from work with his right hand on the steering wheel while his left hand just comes up and punches him in the face.
Police Man: “Sir, you ran a red light back there.”
Alien Hand Victim Guy: “I’m sorry officer. I was punching myself in the face. I didn’t see it.”
Police Man: “You’re one sick fuck. Get the hell out of here and wait until you get home to punch yourself in the face from now on.”
Alien Hand Victim Guy: “Yes sir. Thank you sir. Have a good evening.”
And then Alien Hand Victim Guy’s left hand gives the Police Man the finger and he gets arrested for insubordination or flipping the bird at a pig or something.
Or let’s say Alien Hand Victim Guy’s right hand buttons his shirt, his left hand undoes the buttons and he has to go around with no shirt on all the time.
And the right hand can push a door closed and the left hand reaches out and flings it back open, hitting Alien Hand Victim Guy in the head.
Ouchie.
Can you imagine how that would totally suck, and yet be so funny at the same time?
Like, what if Alien Hand Victim Guy tried eating some delicious strawberry-rhubarb pie like Crissy is doing right now and his left hand just decides to up and smoosh the whole pie in his face just for the pleasure of watching the right hand clean it up?
And what happens when his right hand gets sick and tired of taking shit from his left hand and they like, throw down and thumb wrestle or something? Or how about if they get into a very heated Rock, Paper, Scissors match?
The left would probably win because it’s pretty bad ass.
And which hand is in charge of Alone Time with lezzie porn? Crissy thinks the left hand would be better because the right hand is just too much of a wuss to be any good at Alone Time.
Seriously. Think about it.
So Crissy is considering actually getting Alien Hand Syndrome just so she can cash in on the America’s Funniest Videos prize money because you know that shit is way funnier than a dude getting hit in the nuts with a whiffle ball, right?
And of course she will use the prize money to start her Alien Hand Syndrome Foundation because she’s magnanimous like that and she’s a giver (just as long as it’s with her right hand because you know the left hand would totally take the money and go for a manicure and then ring shopping at Tiffany’s).
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the left hand is a LOT more fun than the right hand:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left-Hand_Path_and_Right-Hand_Path
sex magic FTMFW
sounds a lot like dr strangelove!
and btw nothing is funny about a dude getting in the nuts with a wiffle ball….ouch….i am hurting just thinking about it…must be a guy thing!
p.s. ken when i slap you in the face next time i will blame my alien hand
My left hand made me do it!
Kelly’s last blog post: Minnesota Unloved Worker
Who wins in a tug ‘o war with yourself?
Lost Artist’s last blog post: GGG ‘09: Airbrush is forever.
I wonder what a judge would say if you blamed your hand…
Matt’s last blog post: I am going to ask you to vote to see who wins.
I’ve tried with my left hand, and it just doesn’t do the job.
k8’s last blog post: Therapy Tuesday
Perfect. So now if I smack someone in the office I’ll just say I have Alien Hand Syndrome and they can’t say anything about it!
Marie’s last blog post: New Do
My brother-in-law sold a screen play that was based on a less funny premiss than this. Add about 80 more pages and you’re rich…
All I can think of is the Adams family with thing
Pimp- I knew it!
aznman- A whiffle ball is better than a baseball though right?
Kelly- Just don’t tell your kids about that excuse.
Artist- Nobody wins. That’s what’s so sad about it…
Matt- I dare you to try it.
K8- I know. I’ve tried too and the only thing the left is good for is operating the controls on the toys. Maybe we just need more practice?
Marie- I’m totally doing that too!
NQOTB- You think so?
Erin- OMG!!! THING!!! Hahahahahaha!!!
I think I have that!!! The other day my right hand was eating a salad and my left hand was trying to shove chocolate down my throat. Please start that foundation soon – I need help!
I don’t know, the wiffle ball bat thing kills me every time. Look out! Oh no – that’s your nuts!
Chris’s last blog post: make that change
I blame Alien Hand Syndrome for why my blog has sucked donkey balls lately. I still have it too. Does an anti-biotic kill it? Or maybe just a stiff drink?
melissalion’s last blog post: If You Don’t Have Anything
alone time with the left hand is the stanger. mysterious.
I think I have Alien mouth syndrome.
That would explain SO MUCH.
Kiala’s last blog post: I’m going to criticize something. Please don’t freak out internet.
There was a film which dealt with that, although it was like a freaky thriller…Quicksilver, that’s its name…the guy who plays Fester Addams was in it.
The guy with the problem was a surgeon…he ended up cutting his hands…
Thrice’s last blog post: WHEN I’M SWIMMING
Oh my gosh, I have the same disorder as Kiala!!! At least I finally know what it is!! I wonder if I can get disability for it??
So, if someone says “Tell it to the hand” they shouldn’t be surprised if Hand punches them in the mouth, right?
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I seem to get this every time a cute girl bends down in front of me. The disease is even worse for the side effects…mostly restraining orders.
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I thought Ken was going to comment on Felicia’s blog. Pansy.
Kiala’s last blog post: I’m going to criticize something. Please don’t freak out internet.
wait, i’ll go now…
HAHAHAHAHA!
Kiala’s last blog post: I’m going to criticize something. Please don’t freak out internet.
Gotta hand it to ya, this thread got me in less trouble at work today than your incredible colaboration with Stooge Pie.
i told them it’s freaking April’s Fool Day but i still gotta take that sensitivity class.
The left hand did it and he continues to blame the right one.
I have this problem. My left hand wants to whack off all the time. Luckily, my right hand is always in agreement so it’s only sometimes an issue, like in public. I’m okay with that.
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There are some activities I am ambidextrous at. This comes, I think, from starting life as a left handed person and then having had teachers beat that out of me. I’m very strangely wired as a result and will have to remember “alien hand syndrome” when I “accidentally” slap the shit out of a cow-irker. I wonder if I can get it documented as a disability?
MsDarkstar’s last blog post: This post is going to the dogs…
What if going to the potty and left hand decides to go and grab the potato out of the soup and smash it in the guy’s face?… hmmm
PorkStar’s last blog post: Lord have mercy!
Once again, Chrissy, you have left me astounded and bewildered. Alien Hand Syndrome. Thank you for raising awareness.
Mermanda’s last blog post: It’s snowing.
AHS – Now I can explain to my hubby why I just reach out and poke/punch/slap him whilst driving! To be fair he is an annoying passenger….so he brings this condition out in me…yes…?