A flashlight, a spoon, and a can of Flarp.

As some of you Facebook Queefs already know, Crissy had a scary moment yesterday with Girlfriend.

No, she didn’t run into the street.

No, Crissy didn’t find her unconscious in the bathroom laying in a pile of Mister’s Special Treats.

And no, the police didn’t call looking for her. Again.

It was way worse you guys.

There Crissy was minding her own business and Girlfriend was somewhere in the house doing Jesus knows what when she came toodling past Crissy carrying a flashlight, a can of this stuff,

and a small plastic play kitchen spoon.

And Crissy asked her what she was doing and she’s all  “Don’t worry! It’s under control mama!”


“What is exactly is under control?”


So Crissy decided she’d rather not know and what’s the worst thing that could happen? Flarp probably doesn’t taste good so she was probably not going to eat it or harm herself with it, so Crissy decided to just let it slide and check it out later.

Crissy found the flashlight abandoned on the stairs, but no sign of the Flarp and the spoon.

And the funny thing is that she did something similar on Wednesday night with a bowl of sauerkraut. She ate one bowl in front of Crissy and then said that Benny likes sauerkraut and Crissy was only half listening but all of a sudden Girlfriend was gone and came back minutes later with an empty bowl.

She couldn’t have eaten it all that fast, so where did it go?

And Crissy sees a teachable moment here for the Queefs.

Valuable Life Lesson for the Queefs: Do not give little kids sauerkraut. Crissy learned this the hard way yesterday when she had to help Girlfriend out with a little bit of a bummy issue involving the kraut. She won’t go into any details because you cannot handle it but let’s just say that sauerkraut is hard to digest when you’re small.

Anyway, as far as Crissy can tell, she must have been using the flashlight to find the cat in his dark hiding spots and then try to feed him some Flarp.

And this is all just a theory because Crissy has no proof  but as far as she can figure, given the evidence, it seems that poor old Big Pussy was the target of this particular escapade.


And Crissy still hasn’t found the sauerkraut, the Flarp, or the spoon.

Big Pussy appears to be unharmed thus far.

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  1. I have three brothers. Growing up we had dogs and cats. I wonder if any of them tried to feed weird crap to them? I know one brother often tested the theory of whether or not a cat will ALWAYS land on all fours – I wandered in more than once to find him dangling a cat from the top of the stairs, top of the swingset, off the first story roof, etc. Thank goodness cats have nine lives.

    Please let us know where you find the sauerkraut and the Flarp.

  2. sauerkraut, Flarp and a spoon? That sounds like something that Brain would use to take over the world (yanno, from Pinky & the Brain)



    deutlich’s last blog post: Beef

  3. That cat looks fine right now, just wait for a while. It’ll morph into “something” for sure, and more than like the transformation will happen while the pussy is sleeping on your head.

    Stay tuned people…

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post: Happy IVGLDSW Day!

  4. I would say that in a day or two you will definitely KNOW where that sauerkraut is by the smell…even if that means that she ate it.

    As for the FLARP…if she eats it and has the toots, then those should be some real rippers!

    @deutlich: I LOVE Pinky and the Brain!

  5. Sounds like Crissy needs a big x-ray machine to make sure the spoon and the Flarp didn’t disappear into Kitty. Though, I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough about the ‘kraut. Have you checked the contents of your litter box?

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Friday

  6. Believe me, the Flarp will reappear. Most likely during a dinner party when Big Pussy is under the table. As for the spoon, I’m sure Girlfriend was a good little girl and put it right back in the kitchen drawer. Um, yeah, remind me to bring my own silverware when I visit.

    Dingo’s last blog post: How ’Bout ’Dem Apples!

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