You know what makes Crissy so mad you guys?
People who walk right through a door you’ve held for them and don’t bother to acknowledge you and say “thank you ” thereby forcing you to shout “YOU’RE WELCOME YOUR HIGHNESS ” at them?
People who use the last shred of toilet paper and don’t bother to replace it?
Forever 21’s bullshit return policy?
Yes, but that’s not all.
What makes Crissy really, really mad are old people who drive.
And Crissy isn’t saying that old people shouldn’t be allowed to drive. Her Papa is 93 and he drives like the wind and Crissy thinks that’s just dandy. He’d be devastated if he couldn’t drive anymore and Crissy understands and sympathizes with that, she really does. She also understands what a bummer it would be for both herself and Papa if she had to drive him around to do his groceries and go to the foot doctor and stuff.
And that is why Crissy is going to call Obama with her new idea since he’s trying to do all this work on the infrastructure and everything and Crissy thinks that while all the constructing is happening they should build a separate lane for the old people to drive in so that normal people, people who drive at the perfect speed and always use their directionals, don’t have to share a road with the cotton heads.
Crissy shouldn’t have to be forced to endure Grandpa in his Buick/Mercury/Cadillac with all the POW and USA and WWII and Proud to be an American Veteran trucker caps proudly displayed on the back deck right there next to the spare tissues so that he cannot tell if there is anyone behind him as he drives along at 15 miles per hour for miles and miles forcing Crissy to cross the double yellows and shout “KICK IT IN THE PANTS GRANDPA!!! THE HORSELESS CARRIAGES GO FAST!!! and risk a ticket because seriously? Crissy is too busy and important for this jackassery.
And Crissy thinks this lane should also be reserved for drunks, teenagers, moms in SUVs and Minivans who must be driving while breastfeeding or organizing their Target lists or something, assholes on the phone, and perhaps the worst drivers out there, the uninsured poor and the Dirty Foreign People who cannot read English street signs and so Mister has to shout things out of the windows at them like “andale senor!” and other sorts of foreign language things like that.
Some of you may think Crissy is kidding but you will thank her when you’re just driving along without aggravation. Unless you’re an Asshole on the phone and then you’ll be stuck behind Grandpa and then you’ll finally know how it feels to be Crissy and that will be sweet.
- I don’t know what he thought I would do when I found this, but I’m blogging about it because let’s face it…I have no idea where I was going with this.
- Zoom, Zoom, Zoom (ish)
- Riding in cars with boys -OR- Mister wants to put in a rear facing car seat just for me.
- Oh Jesus no. Anything but a birthday party.
- My Vagina: A History