17
Mar

The Sausage Festival

Oh what a time Crissy had on Saturday morning when she went with Mister and Girlfriend to run some Taco’s room construction errands.

We went to a store called Harbor Freight which Mister calls “The Most Wonderful Place on Earth” and it is a store where they sell tools. Really, really cheap but nice tools.

Or something.

Crissy thinks this is The Most Wonderful Place on Earth.

But whatever. Mister is entitled to his opinion until Crissy manages to convince him that all his opinions are stupid. It’s hard because Mister is an arrogant prick a stubborn man.

And when we pulled up, the parking lot was full of Manly Trucks all ready for a day of Manly Things. And groups of men with raging hard-ons were exiting the store giggling like little girls which is something you never see unless it’s around 2 am outside the nudie bar. Except no one was throwing up on his shoes and wondering where all his money went. And they were all pushing carriages full of Manly Tool Things. They would have been jumping up and down and clapping their hands and squealing but remember Queefs these are Men Who Are Good With Tools and so they cannot make such displays for fear people would think they have a touch of The Gay in them and so they just touched each other’s bums a lot and gave a few snaps in a circle instead.

Oh…

Wait.

And then we got into the store.

Crissy doesn’t know if it’s her pregnant sense of smell or something but as soon as the doors opened she could tell that there was nary a fellow in the place who had touched toothbrush or soap that morning (Mister included, btw). And the place was just the biggest Sausage Festival Crissy had ever seen and she was surprised they didn’t have a bouncer at the door checking for penises before people could go in.

“You’re good.”

“Dude! Come on in!”

“Nice sack, man.”

And then when a lady comes to the door it’s all

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. WHOA. Pardon me, but you look like you might have a vagina. You’re going to have to either leave it in the car or wait outside ma’am. Those are the rules.”

And maybe there was a bouncer and he was just taking a leak or having a sandwich or something and Crissy somehow slipped through the checkpoint because looking through aisle after aisle with labels on them like Hydrolics, , Rams and Wedges, Wheelgoods, Stuff for Breaking Stuff, and Stuff for Fixing Stuff You Broke, Crissy saw nothing but Men Getting Ready to Do Man Things with Tools. She thought she saw another lady but it was just a dude with long hair and so the only other females there were girl children no doubt sent to the store with daddy to give mommy a moment’s fucking peace for christ sake.

It was so crazy that even Mister noticed it and wished he had a video camera because you just don’t see so many men in such total and utter ecstasy unless somebody is donning a crusty thong and shaking her skanky ass in his face.

Except for sporting events perhaps but Crissy and Mister do not go to those and so really Crissy wouldn’t know anything about the Garden of Manly Bliss that may be there.

And Mister was all giddy over some sanding sponges and a box of things called Brads. Crissy doesn’t know what that is but Brads are very heavy. And Girlfriend and Crissy each got Chenille car wash sponges– a very pretty lime green one for Crissy, and a lovely cornflower blue one for Girlfriend.

By the end of the trip, Crissy did find another lady in the store.

It was the same sex oriented cashier who clearly had to strap one on to be admitted to the building.

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