The Lenten Special

It’s that magikal time of year again Queefs when Jesus is said to have come home from 40 days out in the desert to tell us all about his wicked awesome diet where he did not eat so much as a single Cadbury mini-egg the whole time and also how he survived Satan’s temptations like masturbation, homosexuals, abortions and excessive credit card usage and how we can do it too.

And maybe Crissy should start studying the bible or something because she would love to know how Jesus supposedly got through 40 days without eating any of the delicious Easter treats they have at Target right now because you know there’s one in the desert somewhere and you know he went in there for a new pair of Spring flip flops and he had to pass right by the Easter candy. Don’t tell Crissy he wasn’t tempted Queefs. Who can resist a delicious and adorable marshmallow Peep?

Nobody.

Not even the messiah or whatever.

Crissy thinks Jesus prolly cheated on his diet at least once.

As have all the ladies at work who about a week ago were all

and on Ass Wednesday they all walked around with freaking ashes from lord knows where (probably Josephine’s mother) on their heads but Crissy has noticed a steady decrease in the amount of chocolates in the candy jar.

AND IT’S NOT ALL CRISSY.

Just some of it is Crissy.

This means that somebody if not the entirety of the church ladyhood is cheating and Jesus is gonna get mad and shout “no Easter basket for you this year wicked woman(s)!” right at them.

That’s what Jesus brings you if you’re good during Lent right? Crissy has no idea.

And you don’t want to be around the break room on a Friday because everyone is cranky because they had to skip their turkey sandwiches in favor of tuna and the joint just wreaks of dirty fish twidgets.

Crissy hates that.

And Lynne and Crissy just sit back and laugh and send eecards about what we’re giving up for Lent this year and Lynne thought she’d give up masturbating in the staff bathroom but it was making her bitchy so she chose to give up skydiving and swallowing semen instead which Crissy thinks are wise choices because skydiving is dangerous anyway and semen has a lot of calories in it and if Lynne wants to be bikini ready for her vacation she’s going to have to dial it back a little bit. Everyone knows too much cum guzzling is not good for the waistline. You’ve seen what it did to Crissy’s. Although she’s pretty sure she didn’t swallow it that one time.

But still.

And Crissy is still undecided about what she’s giving up so in the meantime you Queefs should tell Crissy and Jesus what you’re giving up for lent so that we can snicker about it behind your back support you 100%.

PS: go over to Mom In Real Life’s Comic Blog to see the most awesomest co-post ever. Crissy’s been playing with her Barbies again and that’s all she’s gonna tell ya.

Similar Posts:

33 comments

  1. I like guaranteed success so I’m one of those who gives up something he hates for Lent. Like sleeping with women, voting republican, stabbing myself with wooden spoons, and building castles.

    Ben’s last blog post: Story of the Munch

  2. The best test of their love for jesus is the giving up of meat on Friday. I mean, who wants to eat lobster when you can eat hamburger helper???!! What a sacrifice!!

  3. I don’t give anything up for Lent. Ever. I worked for the church for 10 years and giving something up for Lent is just a reason to complain and make it ALL ABOUT YOU. Oh, and I won’t ever go to church again. They suck.

    Did you know you can put the peeps in the microwave and they blow up super duper huge and then the minute it clicks off, it shrinks into a puddle of nothingness? It’s FUN TO WATCH!

    k8’s last blog post: Therapy Tuesday

  4. That picture of the chocolate makes me want chocolate.

    I think you should give up Frank. And by give up I mean you should get that sucker out of your yard once and for all!

    Marie’s last blog post: Pieces

  5. oh THAT’S what my coworker had on her forhead the other day! i thought it was a dirt smudge, or a badly drawn dot like Indian women wear

    Obviously, I fail at religion.

    Oops.

    deutlich’s last blog post: Walk Away

  6. @ Pimp – patience – the cum guzzling will be in full effect in 3 months once taco is born and crissy’s girl parts are broken

  7. When I was young and still trying to figure out if I was going to continue this Catholic guilt I was brought up in, I gave up sex for lent(I know, weird, right?). I think I lasted 2 weeks.

    That Catholic guilt was not for me (especially since I kept forgetting that, despite my good intentions of giving up sex for lent, I wasn’t supposed to be having it anyway). I’ve since converted to P.A.G.A.N… er…ism… (People Against Goodness And Normalcy). Screw the Virgin Connie Swail!

    Ceci’s last blog post: It’s hard to explain

  8. Only the bestest sperm is full of calories. Like Jesus’s sperm.

    I’m taking Lent day by day, but I can give up everything for the rest of the day right about now. Any day I get to publicly talk about Jesus’s cum is pretty much already so full of goodness that I don’t need anything else in my life.

    stoogepie’s last blog post: Mister Shorts Number 8

  9. I’m sorry but,I don’t give up anything for lent. Since I married Shane and I’m now Related to a bunch of crazy people I must say I think I’m good for the rest of my life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *