Dear Turd Ferguson

The Crissys would like to thank Mr. Turd Ferguson, Historical Commisson Dickhead in Charge of Making it Impossible for Nice People to Protect their Children From Lead Hazards Due to Retarded and Unreasonable Constraints Placed Upon Them for forcing the Crissys to come up with a Plan B for their window situation because even with the loan from the state the Crissys will still have to come up with a lot of money on their own for the windows Mr. Ferguson wants them to have and they just don’t have it so that puts an end to the whole affair.

And the Queefs can also thank Mr. Ferguson for forcing Crissy to keep talking about it even though nobody cares about windows. (Crissy can see the collective eye roll from the Queefs whenever she mentions her windows and to that she says, “meh.”)

What a Buttmunch.

And so today Crissy is announcing Window Replacement Plan B which is very complicated and has a lot of steps and mathematical equations involved in it but to sum it up for everyone who isn’t as smart as they are Crissy will just tell you that they plan to do a lot of Begging and Mister will replace the windows his own self.

And we will get these because they’re what we want and not what Mr. Ferguson wants.

These go better with the Crissy’s house anyway because it’s a Craftsman style house and you Queefs remember Frank Lloyd Wright don’t you? Well think of him when you think of Crissy’s house and you’ll know that these are the windows he would have wanted. And clearly Mr. Ferguson needs some schooling in the history of architecture and design because he wanted something totally different for the Crissy’s house.

Anyway, Crissy and Mister are going to beg their parents for money because Crissy and Mister know their parents have money and they’re just not giving them any.

And they figure that it’s because they haven’t been offered anything in return and so the Crissys have come up with a Geinus Idea.

They’re going to offer memorial plaques to be placed on the windows that say things like “This window begrudgingly purchased by Linda, 2009. She hopes Crissy will shut up now.” Or ” In Loving Memory of Ken and Marcy Who Are Not Yet Dead But Probably Will Be Someday And Then We Will Look Out This Window While Tequila Takes a Shit in the Yard and Think of Them Sometimes.”

That could work couldn’t it Queefs?

Of course the Crissys have not run this by their parents yet but so far it seems to be a rock solid plan.

And do not worry or feel left out because the Crissys are going to open up this marvelous opportunity to you Queefs as well!!!

For the low, low price $600 each of you Queefs can have your name on a plaque inside of Crissy’s house that says you donated the window and you can have it say anything you want.

Isn’t that awesome?

Word of the Week:

Tony Danza

From Urban Dictionary: To clarify, the Tony Danza is when you are balls-deep in a woman from behind and while ramming her mercilessly, you proceed to yell, “Who’s the boss?! Who’s the boss, bitch?!” Typically, she will yell, “You are!” at which point you turn her around, slap her with your cock and yell, “No. Tony Danza‘s the boss, bitch”

Crissy gives Turd Ferguson the Tony Danza, and then blogs about it. Why wouldn’t she?

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21 comments

  1. I’ve found that begging from the parents works for really important stuff. Not so much for the vodka.

    And what’s it called when they say, “Who’s your daddy now, bitch?” Because that’s the one I get all the time.

    k8’s last blog post: The Long and Short of It

  2. As a resident expert in the Craftsman style homes (um, hi, I’m from Illinois, the land of Frank Lloyd Wright), I’d say those windows fit perfectly with his concept. Only, if I were you, I’d add one updated touch. Paint them fuchsia. Just to piss off Mr. Ferguson.

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Wiped

  3. I agree….the Crissys have shown excellent taste in their choice of windows. While it might be tempting and understandable to paint them fuchsia, no doubt the Queen is above resorting to that, as it would be viewed as a regrettable action years down the road, when Herr Ferguson is but a distant memory…..

  4. it’s a good thing you are on your last Taco, that way when Mister removes the lead windows you won’t have to worry about the retardation for his swimmers.

    Also–a Tony Danza is the funniest thing that I’d never heard of before.

  5. You know how some people name their kids after the place where he/she was conceived? I think that you should give some consideration to naming Taco Tony Danza. Just sayin’.

  6. I don’t know about Tony thingamajig, but ‘buttmunch’ is my new favourite word. Buttmunch buttmunch buttmunch. I am SO going to use it all the time now.

  7. Pingback: Anonymous
  8. I like Melissa’s idea. I’m game!

    You could also ask girlfriend to sell chiclets for you maybe? That’s how we do it in my country(in da bee-yew-tee-ful Meh-HEE-co)! It helps if you do it at the border while cars are waiting to go out of the country.

    Also, the way I had it explained to me, the Tony Danza was yelling “Who’s the boss?!” before you go in for the Donkey Punch(The Donkey Punch is when your engaged in anal sex and when your about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better according to UrbanDictionary.com). That sounds like a MUCH better time to me!

    Ceci’s last blog post: Morning Announcements

  9. Mom blogs — blogs for moms.

    I don’t know what that means and maybe it’s because I cut my foot on some coral today and then ate some sushi, but I’m pretty sure there’s something deep in that comment. It’s like a Chinese algorithm or algebra equation or whatever.

    May we all live in unintellectual lives.

    And also, about my window idea, just put up a pay pal thing, make a post tomorrow and get a window from your admirers.

    melissalion’s last blog post: Yesterday My 18 Year-Old Brother Saved My Life

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