What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet or something.

The time is coming Queefs and Taco needs a name.

It’s not that Crissy doesn’t love the name Taco but she heard that Brangelina is going to name their next rainbow adoptee Taco and Crissy is sick and tired of Brad always copying whatever she does and she just wishes he would stop stalking her.

*private note to Brad from Crissy- Why don’t you return my calls? What have I done to hurt you Brad? I got that restraining order from you yesterday and I don’t understand. I thought you loved waking up to me standing over you at night with a can of whipped cream and a Chicks with Dicks movie. Please call me when that crazy skank isn’t around. We need to talk. I… I love you Brad.

So for a while Crissy and Mister’s list of baby names looked like this:

But they have been working very hard and they gave very careful consideration to all 100,000 names. Of course it took about 3 months to get through it because they did it a few very painful pages at a time every morning while having their coffee.

And from this magnificent book, Crissy and Mister have culled a smaller list of names that they think are really very special.

For a boy we have:

Zero
Teetonka
Warburten
Wood
Schlomo
Ruprecht
Odd
Mister (Mister is particularly fond of this one)
Lloqueyupanqui
Johnson
Ham
Gaylord
Dyke
Dong
Brick
Beaver
Ahdik

And if Taco is a little girl we have:

Wereburga
Vanity
Tequilla
Sukhdeep
Sexburgis
Ramandeep
Noxochicoztli
Notburga
Ngoc
Lesbia
Fukayna
Clitia
Anel

Also in the book the Crissys saw a few other wonderful name combinations that they like as well:

Gentle Fudge
Faithful Cock
Spaceman Africa
Crazyhorse Invincible

As you can see, the Crissys still have a lot of work to do to narrow down the list. You may tell them your favorites in the space provided below and don’t a single one of you think about stealing any of them.

Crissy’s Word of the Week will be brought to you by Mister because he had a good one he’s been saving for you.

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39 comments

  1. QOFE = pronounced coffee and is neutral.

    After watching “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” how could you not name Taco something like Ruprecht?! Ruprecht was the highlight of that movie and such a badass. Add an “a” at the end if it’s a girl.

    Okay, I’ll leave now…

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post: She’s Gifted, I’m Dieting

  2. I have ALWAYS been partial to Ruprecht so that’s a no-brainer. For the girl I like Fukayna, I mean think about it, you’ll be able to call her Fuk for short! That is totally awesome! Char, Fuk, dinner time!!!

  3. I used to be a public defender and I’m reasonbly certain you have my client list up there. My best name ever was probably Quentreshuwai. She said to call her Quinn or Quinnie. I tried to politely ask if it meant anything, and she said no, her mother just made it up. Gee thanks, mom.

    And also? our favorite game at the PD’s office was to make up great names for the expecting parents in the office. So yay that we get to do it on one of my favorite blogs!

    And also again? I live in the South where the using of the parents’ names to make a new name (like Ben suggests) is super popular. It produces names like Etandra (Nate spelled backwards and Sandra) (I like her so don’t tease her too hard – she knows she has a bad name).

  4. as a teacher, I have a bounty of nominations…ahem, here goes (these are actual names tragically):

    Abcde: pronounced Ab-sa-dee seriously.
    gonorrhea: pronounced go-nor-ee-u emphasis on the “nor”

    then twins:
    lemongello: le-mon-jell-o
    orangello: or-an-jell-o apparently Mom loved jello.

    I weep for the future.

  5. Ken – doesn’t massaging the penis in any fashion usually result in penile enlargement?! Or are you talking about permanent enlargement of the flaccid state as well?

    I know someone whose first name is Queenlatifah. And I knew someone in the past named Darling Love. And one of the nurses I work with said she recently had to call out to a patient named Darling Girl.

    I like Clitia Sexburgis if it’s a girl and Odd Johnson if it’s a boy. Although Gaylord Beaver is kinda nice, too. For either sex. Ooh, and Brick Dong and Zero Beaver and…you need to make a name generator!

    Wait – there IS one!

    http://www.yeahbaby.com/baby-name-generator.php

  6. lol, I think you should stop worrying about this and just call the baby “Him” or “her”…I mean, what are names for? I’m sure that if you pick a fancy one her classmates at day care or kinder will have the same name…you gotta be original, give her a number or name her (yes, I decided it’s a girl) after objects! She can be..ermm.. keyboards (I lack imagination right now)… but you get the idea, I’m sure.

    Thrice’s last blog post: Pardon me

  7. I like the foreign language names! For the boy, I like Lloqueyupanqui even though it belongs under the two-words-strung-together category as arising from “Lloque Yupanqui,” which means “male left handed Incan accountant.”

    For the girl, I guess Noxochicoztli is my favorite. It means “flower necklace” in Nahuatl. But how about Nicnocozcatiepyollotli instead? It means “pearl necklace” in Nahuatl and it sounds every bit as pretty.

    On the other hand, I suggest that you take this opportunity to rename Girlfriend and that, furthermore, you name all children after the cop names on Dukes of Hazzard: Pervis, Clitus, and Anus.

    That is all.

    stoogepie’s last blog post: Stoogepie Bank: Open for Business

  8. Personally, I like Faithful Cock. (That’s what she said!!!) But seriously, I feel like it could work for a girl OR a boy. Plus it just has a nice ring to it. Get it? RING to it?

    Lost Artist’s last blog post: Accepted

  9. Oh Schlomo! Fer SHURE!
    Seriously, I know a Schlomo. It’s my best friend’s MIL’s boyfriend… man friend… lover? Anyway, he’s Jewish (and so is she) so it’s a nice Jewish name. THEN you could be a good Jewish mother! I’ll point you towards one of the 2 best friends I have (’cause I had enough money to buy TWO!) and they can give you lessons on how their mothers behave.

    Oy!

    OR!! you can just follow Gwen Stefani’s lead and put all the names in a bag and pick out 3 (at least!) at random.

    Double OY!

    Ceci’s last blog post: ‘Cause it’s Friday

  10. When my friend was trying to pick baby names, we were told to stick with names that would sound good on a football stadium or baseball field. Keeping that in mind, how about 3Com Park or Lambeau Field? She also wanted a name that would sound good if he had a highway named after him. If you go that route, I suggest Clusterfuck.

    Dingo’s last blog post: Now, Honestly!

  11. why don’t you use “taco” as a middle name. then you could use ex: Flauta Taco, or Carne Guisada Taco, or Chile Taco, i don’t know your last name. try these out, you might like them. malo

  12. My friend as a client with the last name Areola. Pronounced Air-ee-ole-ah…:( Sucks. And I think Lesbia has a nice ring to it.

  13. I worked in medical records at a hospital several years ago. A set of twins were born and named Natishia Dyyez and Nashebebo Shabazzy. I think the last name was ewis…quite a letdown after the magnificence of the other names!

    Then there was the girl (about 16) who named her daughter Vagina because “she heard it in the delivery room and thought it was a pretty name.”

    They walk among us.

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