Do you remember this guy?
What are you new here?
And Crissy is NOT new here so she knows nobody is clicking on shit so she’ll just tell you that that woodland creature’s name is Frank and that Crissy’s dog Alice is madly in love with him and he’s sort of a bastard because he ate many a plant that Crissy loved like her mint and her zinnias and her sun rays and her sunflowers and her sweet peas (both edible and non-edible varieties) last summer.
(let Crissy just say that if you don’t read the posts you’re really missing something wonderful. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll even pee your pants they’re so good, but if you don’t want to pee your pants that’s your business. Freak.)
And Crissy thought she had seen the last of him until a few days ago when Alice started acting very peculiarly.
She was all perky and stuff and running all over the house and playing very friskily with her squeaky sheep and her squeaky pheasant and she was panting and jumping all around and running up and down the stairs and yodeling (!) and being not very much like Alice at all.
And she wanted to go outside every. two. minutes.
And Crissy just thought it might be because it was 40 degrees outside and Alice had a touch of The Spring Fever but no.
Mister figured it out.
Frank is out of hibernation. The hole under the fence he uses to come into the yard has freshly turned dirt in it.
And Alice is on cloud nine.
If there was a cloud ten she’d be on that.
She woke Crissy up at 4:30 this morning to go outside and see Frank. Actually, that’s not true. The douchebag who decided to go out and start his car and blast house music at 4:30 am woke Crissy up. Alice just insisted Crissy let her out.
And do you know what that dirty bastard gave Alice because of all the varmint to dog tick exchanging that happened during the Schnauzerchuck canoodling?
And god knows what else.
Maybe even Herpes!!!
Or, or, SUPER HERPES!!!
Naturally, Crissy is beside herself.
Didn’t she raise Alice right,Queefs?
But just look at her!!
Brazen little slut!
WHY IS SHE PUNISHING US BY FALLING FOR A BOY FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FENCE???
You know who else is also out of hibernation?
The Jehovah Witnesses.
But nobody is excited about that.
And they have young boys with them all the time now.
Crissy is thinking it’s not just the Catholics anymore if you know what she’s saying.
- Bees and Woodchucks Are Not Nice Guests
- Alice + Frank: A Love Story
- Nobody puts baby in the corner
- Alice bit Frank today! The Vajazzling Haiku Winners Announced! And a Toy With Me Day! There’s A Lot Going On Here Today, Obviously. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I understand.