Dirty Foreign People’s Children hustle Crissy for tokens at Chuck E. Cheese and she also sees some skanks.

On Friday Crissy went with her friend Erin to bring Girlfriend and Erin’s daughter Mackenzie to play at Chuck E. Cheese whilst Crissy and Erin who is also preggers prepared to throw down over the last piece of pizza enjoyed one another’s company. And there we were, gossiping about people at work minding our own business when a little girl who looked to be about 6 years old came up to Erin and said “can I have some money?” Thinking that the girl was just confused about where her mother was sitting, Erin just looked at her and shoved another slice of pizza into her mouth the way only a pregnant lady can.

And then she looked at Crissy and was like “that was weird.”

But Crissy didn’t answer because her mouth was full of pizza and “don’t talk with your mouth full of pizza” is her motto because a piece might fall out and that would be wasteful. There are starving children still left that Brangelina haven’t yet adopted and so far be it from Crissy to waste food until all the hungry children bare the Brangelina name and the Global Rainbow Family or whatever the hell they call it is complete.



And then a few minutes later when Erin was up helping Mackenzie and Girlfriend with a game, the little girl’s brother who looked to be about 5 years old came up to Crissy and began to hustle her for some Chuck E. tokens!!!! And when Crissy said “no, go ask your mom for some” the Dirty Little Foreign People’s Child kept bugging her and insisted that his mom didn’t have any money for the tokens. And Crissy was getting really mad because he just wouldn’t quit and so Crissy had to get in his face and say very calmly “beat it. I’m not giving you anything.”

He finally went away.

AND THEN!!!!!!

When Girlfriend and Mackenzie were playing a game the two of them went over and tried to force Girlfriend and Mackenzie off the game!!!


Crissy was so mad you guys. She started shaking and having contractions and Taco was practicing his kung fu kicking because that’s his big sister those kids are messing with and they’re lucky Crissy didn’t let him out to go and set some motherfuckers straight for Girlfriend.

Btw, just because Crissy refers to Taco as “he” do not take that to mean that Taco is a boy. Crissy doesn’t know what Taco is. Maybe Taco is not a baby at all but a Dalmatian.

We’ll see.

The Crissys had some kink going a few months back…

And Crissy looked around for some sort of Dirty Foreign Person to whom these children belonged but try as she might she could find none. They may very well have been there alone for all Crissy could see because nobody was watching them.

And Crissy briefly considered taking them home with her because really you can’t get good help these days unless you train it and beat it and make it live under the stairs yourself and with Taco coming and everything she’s really going to use some extra little slave children to clean the toilets and service Mister and things of that nature but she thought better of it because these are two of the most ill mannered little shit birds Crissy has ever seen.

And it’s not like these were truly needy children. They were both dressed in brand name clothing that Crissy cannot afford to buy for her own child and each of them had on more gold jewelry than Mr. T can shake his dick at so don’t yell at Crissy for not being charitable because it wasn’t like that.

Also of note was the gaggle of teenage girls all chasing after toddlers about the same age while texting friends with their free hand.

Pregnancy Pact anyone?


Crissy doesn’t think she can take the crazy anymore and so will not return to Chuck E’s any time soon.

But the pizza was delicious.

Crissy’s Word of the Week:

Dirty Sanchez: During anal sex, the penis is extracted from the anus and smeared across the upper lip of the receiving partner, thus giving him or her a lovely poopy mustache. This can also be done with fingers. It doesn’t have to be the penis.

While they were hustling customers at the Chuck E. Cheese for free tokens, the children’s mother was in the back getting a Dirty Sanchez from the daytime manager in exchange for some free pizza and a Mountain Dew. No need for tokens.

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  1. Oh lord! Chuck E. Cheese is a freakshow! Ours is ghetto, enough Baby Phat and Sean John to make the world go around. Gold teeth too. It scares me there.

  2. Anyone who’s contemplating whether or not to have children merely needs to spend a day at Chuck E. Cheese. I have no kids yet, but have been to many a birthday party at the Cheese. Nothing like screaming toddlers and snotty noses to make you want tons of babies! And sorry, Crissy, but the Chuck E. Cheese that I went to had NASTY pizza.

  3. ps. where’d the internet go? it seems like nobody is around.. flickr, my blog, my forums, here, etc. hell, it’s after 11am and even chris has less than 20 comments. wtf is that?


  4. You are very brave to go to Chuck E. Cheese. You do know that there have been a string of brawls there and abandoned children? Pure craziness. If this keeps up I think they are going to stop selling booze, which of course will result in the parents burning the rest of the shops to the ground.

    Rachel M.’s last blog post: Getting my ducks in a row

  5. So, I read this book once and there was a homicidal rampage in Chuck E Cheese-like restaurant and blood and guts everywhere and just the little electric clicky animals were moving and singing. That might have been a nightmare too. I don’t know.

    Here’s my point: Chuck E Cheese = Dirty Sanchez.

    melissalion’s last blog post: Last Chance

  6. Chuck E. Cheese has become a cess pool of trashy people and their terribly behaving children.

    I went to a cousin’s 3 yr old birthday party there a couple months ago, and the same thing happned. Except the kids beat up the 3 yr old (they were at least 6 or 7) and stole all of his tickets.


    Dolce’s last blog post: Un-wishful thinking

  7. There’s nothing disgusting about a Dirty Sanchez. In fact, a while ago, I thought about doing a whole photographic series with celebrities, each with a Dirty Sanchez. It would have been called, “Got Shit?” I may now rejuvenate that project.

    I love Chuck E. Cheese. The reheated frozen pizzas are great and you can steal tickets from the pushover kids. If your kids happen to be the pushover kids, whose fault is that? Huh?

    stoogepie’s last blog post: Happy Biochemical Reaction Day

  8. I have not been to our CEC in a couple of years, thank god my kids have outgrown that rat trap! Get it Rat Trap!?!?!? Last time we did go it was the same here. Little beggar people who I can not claim on my taxes asking for tokens. I gave hime a couple of pennies and he went off. It was funny to watch him try to get the machine to work!

  9. You know how I keep telling you I’m going to come up and take care of Girlfriend for the day while you do whatever it is that women who have babies do when they get a free day? Well, you can just prepare Girlfriend for disappointment because I am NOT taking her to CEC. We may, however, have a vocabulary lesson. She’ll be the smartest kid in preschool!

    Dingo’s last blog post: My Feet Taste Nasty (Updated!)

  10. I’ve been to Chuck E. Cheese ONCE. If I had ever had the urge to be a parent (which I didn’t),that place stomped it into shards and I had a headache for a week and a half afterwards. I am convinced that Chuck E. Cheese is a glimpse of what Hell must be like.

    Likely your sentence using the Word of the Week wasn’t far off, either.

    MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Dear Winter (the sequel)

  11. I found out what a Dirty Sanchez was when I met my boyfriend and everyone called him “Sucio” (His last name is Sanchez) and no I have never done it! Who would? Also I loved the sentence you used it in. Hilarious!

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