On Friday Crissy went with her friend Erin to bring Girlfriend and Erin’s daughter Mackenzie to play at Chuck E. Cheese whilst Crissy and Erin who is also preggers prepared to throw down over the last piece of pizza enjoyed one another’s company. And there we were, gossiping about people at work minding our own business when a little girl who looked to be about 6 years old came up to Erin and said “can I have some money?” Thinking that the girl was just confused about where her mother was sitting, Erin just looked at her and shoved another slice of pizza into her mouth the way only a pregnant lady can.
And then she looked at Crissy and was like “that was weird.”
But Crissy didn’t answer because her mouth was full of pizza and “don’t talk with your mouth full of pizza” is her motto because a piece might fall out and that would be wasteful. There are starving children still left that Brangelina haven’t yet adopted and so far be it from Crissy to waste food until all the hungry children bare the Brangelina name and the Global Rainbow Family or whatever the hell they call it is complete.
And then a few minutes later when Erin was up helping Mackenzie and Girlfriend with a game, the little girl’s brother who looked to be about 5 years old came up to Crissy and began to hustle her for some Chuck E. tokens!!!! And when Crissy said “no, go ask your mom for some” the Dirty Little Foreign People’s Child kept bugging her and insisted that his mom didn’t have any money for the tokens. And Crissy was getting really mad because he just wouldn’t quit and so Crissy had to get in his face and say very calmly “beat it. I’m not giving you anything.”
He finally went away.
When Girlfriend and Mackenzie were playing a game the two of them went over and tried to force Girlfriend and Mackenzie off the game!!!
WHAT KIND OF AN ANIMAL DOES THIS????
Crissy was so mad you guys. She started shaking and having contractions and Taco was practicing his kung fu kicking because that’s his big sister those kids are messing with and they’re lucky Crissy didn’t let him out to go and set some motherfuckers straight for Girlfriend.
Btw, just because Crissy refers to Taco as “he” do not take that to mean that Taco is a boy. Crissy doesn’t know what Taco is. Maybe Taco is not a baby at all but a Dalmatian.
The Crissys had some kink going a few months back…
And Crissy looked around for some sort of Dirty Foreign Person to whom these children belonged but try as she might she could find none. They may very well have been there alone for all Crissy could see because nobody was watching them.
And Crissy briefly considered taking them home with her because really you can’t get good help these days unless you train it and beat it and make it live under the stairs yourself and with Taco coming and everything she’s really going to use some extra little slave children to clean the toilets and service Mister and things of that nature but she thought better of it because these are two of the most ill mannered little shit birds Crissy has ever seen.
And it’s not like these were truly needy children. They were both dressed in brand name clothing that Crissy cannot afford to buy for her own child and each of them had on more gold jewelry than Mr. T can shake his dick at so don’t yell at Crissy for not being charitable because it wasn’t like that.
Also of note was the gaggle of teenage girls all chasing after toddlers about the same age while texting friends with their free hand.
Pregnancy Pact anyone?
Crissy doesn’t think she can take the crazy anymore and so will not return to Chuck E’s any time soon.
But the pizza was delicious.
Crissy’s Word of the Week:
Dirty Sanchez: During anal sex, the penis is extracted from the anus and smeared across the upper lip of the receiving partner, thus giving him or her a lovely poopy mustache. This can also be done with fingers. It doesn’t have to be the penis.
While they were hustling customers at the Chuck E. Cheese for free tokens, the children’s mother was in the back getting a Dirty Sanchez from the daytime manager in exchange for some free pizza and a Mountain Dew. No need for tokens.
- A Day at the Museum
- Storytime Smackdown
- Does Ernie Have a Penis?
- The Litter Critters
- Welcome to my Anxiety Disorder. Pull up a chair and put 911 on speed dial.