This is turning out to be a horrible day indeed. Sombody please hold Crissy and massage her back for her and then take Taco for a bit so Crissy can have a proper drink for christ sake.
Crissy should never have turned to her Turn to Ten news this morning because it’s caused nothing but trouble.
She has already learned that today Girlfriend has another one hour delay due to horrendous ice and freezing rain and other sorts of nasty weather bullshit which means Crissy must bring her with to work and Crissy has some really important stuff to do first thing this morning and now she has to do it with Girlfriend.
And she has to drive there in the ice.
A plow truck just spun out in front of the house.
AND if the delay didn’t complicate things enough, Girlfriend has to be at school at the same time that Crissy is supposed to drive into Providence to a place in a very trafficky and congested construction zone complete with ambulances and other sorts of screaming siren things to pick up her mother after a colonoscopy.
In a fucking ice storm.
Fuck Crissy twice.
(Crissy is certain her mother will be thrilled that she has shared information about the intimate life of her anus with God and everyone on the internet.)
And then Crissy caught a little bit of the Today show and who is on first thing but Ann Fucking Cuntbag Coulter and the total hot molten shit spewing from her mouth got Crissy all fired up which is exactly what Satan’s Bitch intended and now Crissy is just. plain. mad.
so fuck Ann Coulter with a
nuclear war head/surface to air missile/gigantic phallic bomb-y looking thing.
But all of this is extraneous information and you probably just skimmed it anyway and you’ll probably skim the rest of this too but what Crissy really wanted to tell you about is how she peed on her poncho yesterday at work.
And we’re not going to argue about the relative fashionability of the poncho because Crissy is preggers and the poncho covers her and keeps her warm and besides the library is not exactly like working over at Cosmo or anything so it doesn’t matter. Crissy could show up wearing swishy pants and orthopedic shoes and nobody would say anything to her. In fact, Crissy is considered the library’s fashionista if that gives you any indication of what we’re dealing with here.
Anyhoodle, Crissy was wearing a poncho and it looked pretty cute and she made her 139th trip to the loo and pulled down her panties and made her pee-pee and when she stood up she felt a wet thing slap her bum.
Crissy peed on her poncho.
So she had to take it off and rinse it out and wear her coat for the rest of the day because it’s fucking cold in the library and nobody wants to wear a pee-pee poncho.
Except for Crissy’s new readers.
They’d be psyched.