Cum To My Windows

Aaaannndddd we’re still talking about windows Queefs.

Oh for Christ sake is that all Crissy can think about?


Not at all.

Crissy thinks about lots of things like when will her nipples become so hard from cold that they finally just drop off her body and scratch her floors and whether or not there will ever be a Brady Bunch reunion and if so will Greg finally finger bang Marsha because you know he wants to or if she should make spicy teriaki salmon for dinner.

Crissy’ s life is very exciting you know and it’s loaded with Very Important Things to Think About.

So yesterday was the day when the RI Housing Lead Safety people put out a notice to all qualified contractors to come to the Crissy’s house to take a look at their windows and make a bid to do the job.

The turn out was huge as if they promised there would be free beer and hot horny virgins for everyone and it felt to Crissy exactly like an episode of This Old House or Extreme Home Makeover as the whole street was lined with work vehicles and burly type men in various shades of plaid and the neighbors were coming out of their houses to look because there were really that many dirty Mexicans contractors at Crissy’s house.

And can you believe that not one of them looked like this?



What a disappointment.

Crissy wore her best maternity pants for this.

And Crissy always thought that construction dudes were hot and yummy and strong and young and hot and hot and GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF CRISSY but they’re not, apparently.

This makes Crissy sad as yet another one of the truths she holds dear has been shattered like, well, glass.

Also Crissy is sad because there are that many construction guys out there that are desperate for work and so wanted to try to fix Crissy’s house for her.

And of course there was the one assmonkey who showed up late, didn’t have a pen, admitted he had no experience with historic homes and had never heard of the particular sort of very special and tricky to install replacement windows deemed acceptable by the Historical Society Twatburgers and he didn’t even know or understand the window terminology. And so the RI Housing Lead Safety Dudes took him outside because he was also very argumentative with them and gave him a stern lecture about wasting Crissy’s time and she was hoping they’d rough him up a bit but they didn’t.

But that was sweet of them just the same.

It wouldn’t have happened if Mister had been home but since Crissy was alone with Girlfriend the Lead Safety Dudes acted very chivalrously on her behalf.

So Crissy let them put their penises in her bum, but only for a second.

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  1. So you played a little, “just the tip, just for a second”…

    too bad you couldn’t finish with a glass of wine and a ciggy. 

  2. @ Ken- You suck.  You don’t even massage my poor, poor, tired pregnant body.  I get nothing. NOTHING!!! VD would at least be something. Not that I’m encouraging you to bring that particular gift home. I am just saying.

  3. Hey pimp, have you seen the 4 way speculum?  It not only opens up and down, but side to side.  This would make a great 10 year anniversary gift!  If you want VD, or any other STD, come to Detroit.  We are proud to be the STD captial of the US!  Can’t make and sell cars any more, but we can spread the creapy crud!

  4. I have a suggestion. I think you should replace all your windows with one way mirrors. But only so people can look in. Not all of them mind you as I think you need some regular windows that you can cover with aluminum foil so the aliens can’t hear your thoughts. As a final accessory I think you need to kidnap 47 cats that can sit in your windows to ward of evil spirits and squirrels.

  5. Felching is when you fart and belch at the same time?  Right?  Yes?    And snowballing is when you mash up handfulls of snow and throw them at somebody.   That I am sure!  . . . or am I wrong ??  ; ) 

  6. Don’t fall for it Queefs! I naivedly looked up felching & snowballing in the Urban Dictionary. Bad idea. It’s better to say naive.

  7. And they want to do your window project in the middle of freakin’ winter why? Do they get kickbacks from the heating people? (“Yeah, we’re gonna tear holes in the house and then the homeowner gets to try to keep the place warm… it’s a fabulous plan!”)  Not to mention that I am sure the construction dust is not conducive to a healthy Taco (or Girlfriend).

    I hope they will at least hire some hot SUBcontractors to do your windows. And the lead guys? Obviously spend way too much time around lead… not so good for makin’ the hotties….

  8. @ Ms. Darkstar- We have to move out of the house until the work is done.  Pets, clothes, food, all of it.  We’re not even allowed to go there until the work is done and the house has been cleaned (by the lead guys), re-tested, and determined to be lead safe by the official lead safety inspection dudes. It’s going to be super fun!


    I’m not LISTENING.

    I refuse to believe that all construction workers are not young, beautitful, hard as rocks and straight.


    {you will NOT ruin my daydreams}

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