Aaaannndddd we’re still talking about windows Queefs.
Oh for Christ sake is that all Crissy can think about?
No.
Not at all.
Crissy thinks about lots of things like when will her nipples become so hard from cold that they finally just drop off her body and scratch her floors and whether or not there will ever be a Brady Bunch reunion and if so will Greg finally finger bang Marsha because you know he wants to or if she should make spicy teriaki salmon for dinner.
Crissy’ s life is very exciting you know and it’s loaded with Very Important Things to Think About.
So yesterday was the day when the RI Housing Lead Safety people put out a notice to all qualified contractors to come to the Crissy’s house to take a look at their windows and make a bid to do the job.
The turn out was huge as if they promised there would be free beer and hot horny virgins for everyone and it felt to Crissy exactly like an episode of This Old House or Extreme Home Makeover as the whole street was lined with work vehicles and burly type men in various shades of plaid and the neighbors were coming out of their houses to look because there were really that many dirty Mexicans contractors at Crissy’s house.
And can you believe that not one of them looked like this?
Not.
One!
What a disappointment.
Crissy wore her best maternity pants for this.
And Crissy always thought that construction dudes were hot and yummy and strong and young and hot and hot and GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF CRISSY but they’re not, apparently.
This makes Crissy sad as yet another one of the truths she holds dear has been shattered like, well, glass.
Also Crissy is sad because there are that many construction guys out there that are desperate for work and so wanted to try to fix Crissy’s house for her.
And of course there was the one assmonkey who showed up late, didn’t have a pen, admitted he had no experience with historic homes and had never heard of the particular sort of very special and tricky to install replacement windows deemed acceptable by the Historical Society Twatburgers and he didn’t even know or understand the window terminology. And so the RI Housing Lead Safety Dudes took him outside because he was also very argumentative with them and gave him a stern lecture about wasting Crissy’s time and she was hoping they’d rough him up a bit but they didn’t.
But that was sweet of them just the same.
It wouldn’t have happened if Mister had been home but since Crissy was alone with Girlfriend the Lead Safety Dudes acted very chivalrously on her behalf.
So Crissy let them put their penises in her bum, but only for a second.
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if someone looking like <i>that</i> cums to my window, keeping my pants on would be tough.
what?
see? i can never get the fucking italics thingy to work. damnit.
So you played a little, “just the tip, just for a second”…
too bad you couldn’t finish with a glass of wine and a ciggy.
Seriously- Where did you get that picture of me?
Oh, how I would LLLLLLLLLLLLOVE to see a dude like that walk up to my house.. nekkid.
I saw this sign on the interweb and thought of you and your neighbor troubles. Perhaps you can also add the historical society non-knowledgable contractors to it.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_PG9h1CS1dfo/SYBXh7brKTI/AAAAAAAAHJE/Mi94gDglIbc/s1600-h/jerrysign6b_preview.jpg
But only for a second.
Because that makes them come back for more.
was a string of serial buttfucking, ie one after the other, or both of them at once?
did it end with 0, 1, or 2 creampies?
you always leave out the important details.
I take it the Lead Safety Dudes were not hot either? What is wrong with the world?!
Ooof. The creampie thing just grosses me out. I can’t…who wants to see that?
Ken, don’t answer that.
Wow, that’s all it takes to put it in your bum? Man, Ken you’re a lucky guy, I bet flowers must get him, what? An hour or so of Bum Time?
i don’t bring home flowers.
i bring home speculums.
@ Ken- And that my friend is why you don’t get the bum time you so highly prize. Get a clue. I like hyacinths.
well, at least i don’t bring home VD.
gotta look on the bright side!
@ Ken- You suck. You don’t even massage my poor, poor, tired pregnant body. I get nothing. NOTHING!!! VD would at least be something. Not that I’m encouraging you to bring that particular gift home. I am just saying.
if it’s just for a second it doesn’t count really. at least that’s what the priest at my middle school told me.
(wow, that was WRONG of me)
Hey pimp, have you seen the 4 way speculum? It not only opens up and down, but side to side. This would make a great 10 year anniversary gift! If you want VD, or any other STD, come to Detroit. We are proud to be the STD captial of the US! Can’t make and sell cars any more, but we can spread the creapy crud!
I have a suggestion. I think you should replace all your windows with one way mirrors. But only so people can look in. Not all of them mind you as I think you need some regular windows that you can cover with aluminum foil so the aliens can’t hear your thoughts. As a final accessory I think you need to kidnap 47 cats that can sit in your windows to ward of evil spirits and squirrels.
I’m going to get a bum just so contractors can put their penises in him.
I’m sorry, bum’s not politically correct, I meant HoBo.
You’re getting your windows fixed! Yeah!
I’m tempted to ask what a creampie is, but I’m guessing I should be glad I don’t know.
for queefs, you guys sure are naive.
next you’re going to tell me that you don’t know what felching or snowballing are…
Felching is when you fart and belch at the same time? Right? Yes? And snowballing is when you mash up handfulls of snow and throw them at somebody. That I am sure! . . . or am I wrong ?? ; )
Or you’re going to say you dont know what the strawberrie shortcake or tahitian face mask is.
Don’t fall for it Queefs! I naivedly looked up felching & snowballing in the Urban Dictionary. Bad idea. It’s better to say naive.
And they want to do your window project in the middle of freakin’ winter why? Do they get kickbacks from the heating people? (“Yeah, we’re gonna tear holes in the house and then the homeowner gets to try to keep the place warm… it’s a fabulous plan!”) Not to mention that I am sure the construction dust is not conducive to a healthy Taco (or Girlfriend).
I hope they will at least hire some hot SUBcontractors to do your windows. And the lead guys? Obviously spend way too much time around lead… not so good for makin’ the hotties….
@ Ms. Darkstar- We have to move out of the house until the work is done. Pets, clothes, food, all of it. We’re not even allowed to go there until the work is done and the house has been cleaned (by the lead guys), re-tested, and determined to be lead safe by the official lead safety inspection dudes. It’s going to be super fun!
I used to sell windows and I never got involved in historical projects – now I see why!!! That is crazy business!
I don’t know any of them. I feel very stupid right now.
I learned about snowballs from Jay and Silent Bob. They teach me only the important things
I work next to a construction site.
We DO have guys that look like that
k8, don’t worry. spend some time around me and i’ll introduce you to an underworld of depravity.
look how my wife turned out…
Run k8 RUN!!! Look what he’s done to me. I know what all those things are and have even participated in some!!! I used to be a nice girl.
LA LA LA LA LA LA LLLLAAAAAAAA
I’m not LISTENING.
I refuse to believe that all construction workers are not young, beautitful, hard as rocks and straight.
so LA LA LA LA LALA LAALLLLALALALALALALALALA – I don’t here you.
{you will NOT ruin my daydreams}
He’s ok. He’d do in a pinch.
I support PETA’s Anti-felching campaign.