Is it just Crissy or does that expression give you the heebies?
We should do a post on colloquialisms for fucking.
Anyway, when you’re knocked up you go through this thing where you have to re-do everything in your house and you also have to bake. Or maybe that’s just Crissy because she’s only been pregnant in the winter and there’s nothing better to do but smack her house up and eat crap.
And it’s been snowy and cold around here so needless to say Crissy’s been a busy little beaver and she started to tear up the walls in Taco’s room:
It’s sort of a small room and no doubt Taco will grow up to be a serial killer or something because of it but whatever. The world needs them too. The Crissy’s didn’t really plan on needing a third bedroom when they bought their house…
But then Crissy got sick of doing that and she’s always wanted her bedroom to be all serenity and peace instead of Jerry Springer Show porn with lots of dirty laundry, pet feces, empty Cheetos bags and beer bottles in the bed and so she made Mister help her re-arrange their room in exchange for some new bedroom sucky fucky.
And Crissy is really happy to report that she only spent $100 on some new 1,000 thread count sheets because she is soooo worth it and everything else she already had around the house and most of it came from Ikea, the most wonderful place in the world.
Here is a picture of Crissy’s room during the transition but she only thought of taking a picture after she already started moving furnitures and things around so it’s not a before picture per se:
The bed was in front of the windows and it didn’t have the posts in. And the furnitures were in totally different places too.
Here is an after picture:
Isn’t it wonderful and sooooothing?
And so very sexxxxy?
But before you go getting all jealous of Crissy’s new bedroom, just know that about .5 seconds after the room was finished the Springer Show moved right back in and there were piles of laundry and toys alloverthefuckingplace again just like nothing ever happened. Girlfriend’s toys and Alice’s toys, not Crissy and Mister’s.
Is that all you guys ever think about?
But doesn’t the room look wonderful and not very Ikeaish at all. Crissy thinks she did a good job making the Dutts coordinate with the bed frame and the Tanja Brodeur fit the Mysa perfectly. And look at that wonderful Vitten! And Crissy forgot she had a Bryne just sitting in her closet collecting dust and so she pulled that bad boy out and used it!
But Mister thinks the Bryne looks too girly.
What do you think, Queefs?
And as she was decorating Crissy was thinking about how she also treated herself to two new toilet brushes (oh the extravagant life Crissy does lead!) and seeing as Ikea names all their stuff after towns and shit she wonders how the people who live in Viren feel about having a toilet brush named after them.
Probably pretty shitty.
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!! Get it? Shitty? Toilet brush?
The only thing missing from the room are some purple hyacinths because they’re Crissy’s absolute favorite and she thinks it would be really lovely to wake up and smell the hyacinths instead of Balls and Pot.
- Some days I wonder why I don’t just run away forever
- We went to Ikea this weekend. I’d have a better title for this but the baby is being a total bag right now because for some reason, she doesn’t want to lay in her crib and stare at her birdie mobile for an hour. Weird.
- I wish nematodes would eat Tequila.
- I’m your hell, I’m your dream, I’m nothing in between
- bloody diarrhea asshole