Crissy Will Pay Dearly For This

Mister

The Gay Years

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So yesterday Crissy talked about an ex-bf and his hotness and his bratwurst and today she calls her husband gay. And Crissy loves the gays but it’s not exactly a quality she’s looking for in a husband. But on second thought, Crissy thinks that maybe a gay husband wouldn’t wake her up at 5 am with a knock on her back door and that would be cool.

But judging by the way Mister sexually harasses The Lioness and The Lovely Miss Kiala and also Crissy, Crissy thinks we can all agree that Mister is decidedly not. gay. but judging by these pictures of him from a few years back?

He’s as gay as the day is long.

Gayer even than Jazz Hands.

With bad fashion sense.

And this was taken when he was fresh out of the United States Naval Academy where there were 1,000 people in his class and only 100 of them were big lezzies girls. You do the math on that one Queefs.

And uh, Seaman Gilbert?

Crissy is just saying.

And Crissy isn’t a stupid woman Queefs.

There will be retaliation for this.

Somewhere, sometime, but it will come.

And it will be swift and decisive because that’s how Mister rolls.

Wait for it…

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66 comments

  1. Ooooh Crissy, you are in trouble now!  Mister gonna cut you off if you’re not careful and when that last trimester hits and all those hormones ragin’ and you wanna get all up in his pants, Mister gonna make you work for it…..in chaps.
    And I hate to say it, but a pregnant woman in chaps is just, well,  unfortunate.  Especially if there are pictures.
    Not that I would know personally, I am just guessing, of course.

  2. Those are the most awesome pics of Ken I have ever had the privilege to look at.  And I have seen MANY pics…

    Ahem.

    Thank you for a great laugh to start the day!

  3. just a question–could those possibly be the “I’m the tough boy band guy” pics from the early 90’s?

    that and gay go hand-in-hand.

  4. Well, I’m pretty sure you’re taking it in the ass tonight. Want me to send those pics to Gay Boyfriend and see if he gets the gaydar?

  5. Again… Here I go flyin’ the Freak Flag.  I am thinkin’ that the pics are teh sexay.  But keep in mind that I had people ALL THE TIME ask me to tell them the truth about my last husband, who they were SURE was gay.  In fact, one person said to me “OH, FOR CHRISSAKES, HE’S PRACTICALLY A WOMAN!”

    Add to that the fact that my first boyfriend in High School turned out to be gay.  Most of my early 20’s crushes? Yep. Gay.  First long-term boyfriend? Not gay but did once tell me he wished sometimes he was a woman.  (He was VERY enthusiastic about lots and lots of sexytime…. so I hope that doesn’t say something weird about yours truly).

    Mister got you  a speculum… I think this just sortve evens things out in the big picture.  But I think we’ve established that I am all kinds of not normal so I hope that whatever retribution comes your way is not too awful.

  6. ahh, how to respond to this post?

    on one hand, this is clearly an unprovoked assault, and nothing is without consequence.  surely i have “compromising” pictures of my dear wife that would shame and embarrass her, all to the glee of the internets.  so i could get her back in eye-for-an-eye fashion.

    on the other hand, according to crissy, i am frustratingly comfortable in my sexuality.  consequently, it doesn’t bother me one bit if i look gay–which is fortunate, because as seen above i can certainly pull it off.  besides, the line between metro- and homo- is getting blurrier by the day; since those pics were taken in ’95, almost 14 years ago, you might even say i was ahead of my time.  so i could get her back by being aloof and not fanning the fire one bit.

    on the other, other hand, i could “bank” this affront and–as k8 hinted at–rest assured that “[she’s] taking it in the ass tonight.”  if not tonight, some other night–i’m a patient man–and as i’m impinging on her g-spot through the berlin wall i’ll grab a fistful of hair, pull her head back, and whisper in her ear, “how gay is daddy now?”  the only thing i see wrong with this method of revenge is that she’ll probably have an orgasm, which is kind of lousy as a vengeful come-uppance.

    how the fuck am i supposed to get any work done with this kind of conundrum over my head?

  7. @ Mister- Oh dear.  You’re taking the high road aren’t you?  I mean everybody wore mom jeans and giant glasses in the early 90’s right?  RIGHT??  
    And I think my date looked very smurfy indeed!

    You could have done so much worse.

    This can only mean one  thing.

    My bum is going to be very sore tomorrow.

  8. I don’t think Crissy could look bad of she tried….and while Ken couldn’t either,  he does look a little gay for play, if you know what I’m saying.

    What am I saying?

  9. Nice job, Crissy’s Pimp.  That’s some good retaliation there.

    In the second photo, where Crissy looks like she’s spazzing <strike>dancing</strike>, what’s with the random, disembodied hand?

  10. what do you mean, where did i get it?  i took the picture myself.

    you didn’t seem to mind, at the time.

    you also didn’t mind when i cleaned you up, put you to bed, and granted myself a playthrough for my troubles.

  11. Bwaahhahahahaha!!!!  This is too much fun!  I love it.  I especially like Mister’s little curl in the 1st pic.  Very homo-erotic.  I think.  No I don’t know.  I’m not gay.  Crud.  Either way, this has got to be one of your greatest posts (and remarks) EVER!

  12. Oh, my, I don’t even know where to start. The tank top? The dog? The facial hair? Sorry, Crissy’s pimp, but you’ll have to post some more embarrassing pics of Crissy to get revenge. The ones right now just don’t cut it.

  13. Oh, this is a wonderful birthday present. My birthday is not for a long time, but still. You remembered, and that’s all that matters.

    And I’d still do you both, so there.

  14. Gee. This is pretty G.A.Y. too, come to think of it…

    freyburg_josh_rachel_00028-2

    And what about This? Too many drinkies there Amigo?
    Sad_Pedro

    And what in the name of The Village People is going on here?

    true_loveDSC_0681

    Nice pants, spidey!

    halloween_00809

  15. Me?
    No.
    I’m holding back actually.  I’m trying to protect our daughter from what will happen when God and everyone sees a picture of her father wearing a mini skirt and baby tee when it’s not even halloween!

  16. What man doesn’t have a picture of himself looking all metro while holding a dog in one hand and his dick in the other? There isn’t even penetration of the dog in that photo.

    Obviously, Crissy just wanted it up the ass. Good for you, Crissy.

    I know there are smuttier, nastier, more obscene pictures of both of you than these somewhere. but if not, shoot some tonight, please. And post them tomorrow.

    stoogepie’s last blog post..Post-Christmas Letter to Santa

  17. I’m obviously late to this gayme but Crissy, I think you are the undisputed winner.  Or loser, depending on how you feel being married to Lance Bass.

  18. I just really, really hope you’re enjoying your evening at home tonight. If this is what married all-day-long foreplay is, then I’m all for it.

  19. i give up… for now.

    i failed at getting laid last night, but not this morning.

    i barely got a knock on the backdoor in before it was all over.  damned prego hormones.  vengeance shall yet be mine!!!

  20. wow i missed out on this one

    i was about to have some great time showing this to the guys at work…and then i realized that i was in one of the pics….

  21. Not you, Crissy!  I thought I should clarify…YOU are not offensive but the kidnappers and sadists who nabbed you and then dressed you in that frilly satin, well, they are the offenders!

  22. Hahaha…in honor of de-lurkers week….I will tell you I found this HILARIOUS!  I found you thru mominreallife (who I grew up next door to).

    Keep up the good work!

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  24. A. How do you manage to look good even when you’ve got your head in a toilet… teach me!
    and
    B… The naval academy where they lard up a large pointed monument and make their students climb it to reach the hat at the top? They showed us photos when I toured it last September…. they were questionable photos, indeed!

  25. ROFLMAO!!!! Oh wait… I can’t breathe!!!
    *cough*, *wheeze*… AhhhhHaHaHaaaa!
    You are in big trouble Chrissy, I think I’m safe in saying that.
    Maybe Mister couldn’t find the front door, huh? Oh wait… by the looks of that evidence, maybe he prefers the back door. LOL

    Thanks for the comic relief you guys! You’re too much! ;0)

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