So Crissy gets to work last night (yes, sometimes Crissy has to go to work at night because some people don’t want to babysit during the day anymore and so Crissy has to wait for Mister to come home to watch Girlfriend and Crissy won’t mention any names of those most unhelpful people but it rhymes with spin-maws and it makes her life suck ass) and when she opened her email something really big happened.
Are you ready for this Queefs?
This is HUGE.
Crissy got an email from Jesus!
SHE REALLY DID!!!
He has gmail now!
And it said in the subject line “we will make the serving of your meat much larger” and then the body of the email said, and this is gonna blow your mind and freak your freak Queefs so hold on to your fucking hats,
“it is better to have a decent size than to be wise.”
That Jesus really knows what’s up don’t he?
Not a truer word has been spoken, really.
And Crissy is probably going to say something that is not very politically correct here and maybe even hurtful to some people but um..well…size DOES matter.
There. Crissy said it.
Jesus knows it.
Crissy knows it.
And Crissy is so, so sorry to all you guys out there with, ahem, to use Jesus’s terms, a smaller serving of meat but really? Crissy prefers bratwurst to cocktail weenies if ya know what she’s sayin’.
Also, the part about being wise is true too. Crissy used to date a fella named Heath. Her friends called him Hot Heath as a matter of fact and he looked rather a lot like this:
What just happened?
And Crissy swears she would orgasmaplode every time Hot Heath pulled into her driveway.
Her literal driveway you dirty birds, not her figurative driveway.
The figurative driveway wasn’t too far behind though, truth be told, because Crissy panties always seemed to fall off when Hot Heath was around.
But poor, poor dear Hot Heath was dumber than a bag of rocks.
And he was sort of an asshole.
And Crissy did not care. He was hot and he had a larger serving of meat, and that was all a shallow and fun loving twenty year old Crissy really needed to keep her happy.
Oh. So. Happy.
So there you have it.
Words of Supreme Wisdom and Truth brought to you by Crissy and Jesus.