And the winner is LYNNE!!!
Nude & Brewed won with 25 votes and this thrills Crissy to no end because it means that Crissy doesn’t have to dick around getting people’s addresses and stuff and she doesn’t have to ship the boobie mug because she sees Lynne every. single. day.
So yay Lynne! 25 people think you’re wicked smot!
And thus concludes Crissy’s first contest ever.
That was fun.
So next we have the wet tee shirt contest. Details on that later.
Now what the hell is Crissy going to write about today?
Should she speculate as to why she saw two of her neighbors dragging somebody’s Christmas tree down the street in the middle of a snow storm? Neither of them are very smart so the explanation probably isn’t very complicated. Michele will probably be able to guess which two neighbors Crissy is talking about.
Perhaps Crissy and the Queefs should ponder why some asshole felt the need to come over here the other day and tell Crissy she doesn’t make a positive contribution to the world. Why people gotta hate?
Maybe Crissy will cry bitter tears of remorse because her goddess, her idol, her most favoritest Kathy Griffin is coming to NY next month and Crissy has already spent her NY money on bringing Girlfriend to the fucking stupid Rockettes? Do you see what a doting and selfless mother Crissy is? It’s almost sick, isn’t it?
Who other than Kathy Griffin and Crissy would tell an Emmy Award audience to suck her dick?
Nobody. And who other than Crissy and Kathy have such a large gay following? Nobody. That’s why Crissy and Kathy should be together. That’s what makes this a tragedy Queefs.
Should Crissy ask any Queefs who have been pregnant to explain to Mister why it is unadvisable and quite frankly unsafe and stupid to wake a deeply sleeping pregnant woman by poking her in the ass with your wenis?
Maybe Crissy will ask the Queefs what their favorite baby names are because all Crissy is coming up with are names like Zinnia and Poppy and even though Poppy is a lovely name, Poppy is an artist and a fruit loop and even though the world needs artists and fruit loops just like we need geniuses and perverts (I’m looking at YOU Mister and Stoogie) does Crissy really want one bringing her performance artist boyfriend named Marrs home for Thanksgiving and explaining to Crissy’s grandfather how he smears his naked great granddaughter with peanut butter and puts her on stage as part of his latest “performance piece?” No. Not really. So a little help in the naming department would be appreciated.
Should Crissy complain that Girlfriend keeps coming in here and bothering Crissy every two seconds and so Crissy cannot think to even come up with anything to write about?
Will Crissy just pack it in already and admit that A) This post is a piece of shit and B) a piece of shit is all she can do today?
Yes.
That’s what Crissy will do.
Mister,
Preg ladies somehow master Karate without all the classes, so best keep that peen to yourself if she’s sleeping comfortably. Karate chopped peens never work quite the same afterwards with a big ass dent in them.
Are you getting Mister and I matching cups so we can bring them to our work meetings?????
BTW I thought you had already decided the baby’s name was Taco….
That might just be my favourite text link to my blog ever.
Okay, in my opinion, it is inadvisable to wake ANY deeply sleeping woman with WENIS poking . INADVISABLE, folks. The pregger ones are quite dangerous, though.
So, are you hinting that Taco is of the FEMALE persuasion? If so, you must IMMEDIATELY change her name to Taquito……
Shelly- Taco’s sex will remain a mystery until the big day. Mister is a pain in the ass about surprises. Any guesses from the Queefs as to boy or girl will be appreciated.
Shelly totally beat me to the punch, because I thought you were subtley telling us you were having a Girlfriend Junior. Are you keeping the sex secret from us or from yourselves as well?
I personally think you should name the baby Daisee. I mean, it’s not my real name, but someone should get to use it. Girl or boy, I think Daisee is a winner.
So…… when do I give my acceptance speech??? Will there be a ceremony? I never win anything! You like me, you really like me!
I’ll shut up now. So as far as names, I’m a little confused, I thought you had already decided on Taco. Taco Belle if it’s a girl and Taco Salad if it’s a boy.
Congrats to Lynne. I would love to see the Nude and Brewed store open. Instead of a ribbon cutting maybe Mister could cut off the bikinni top of the wet tee-shirt contest winner.
Sorry you can’t see Kathy. Parents do give up so much for our kids. Tickets to shows, sleep, sex on the dining room table (difficult to eat Taco Bell in the dining room just hours after eating a ”pink taco” where your precious little one is now sitting).
Someone told you that you don’t make a positive contribution to the world? That’s not cool. Did you kick this person in the gonads? I hope so.
I think that the boobie mug will be your most positive contribution to date at the schmuckytown library. They’ll LOVE it.
apparently, i’m a pain in the ass about surprises, AND morning nookie.
I’ve been poked in the ass by the husband’s wenis. He was talking in his sleep and it went down like this:
Husband: (sleep talking) Hey honey, you want to play a game?
Dolce: Um…what kind of game did you have in mind?
Husband: (still sleep talking) Let’s play Hide my sausage in your butt.
thank goodness I wasn’t knocked up at the time, otherwise husband would be one wenis short.
some asshat came over to talk shit?!
LAME.
Getting tickets to see Kathy Griffin is a completely justifiable reason for prostitution. Get yourself on a street corner and start making that money woman!
I might like some morning ass poking. But I’m not preggers and I’m not getting any. Phht.
I’m all about names like Jack and Jill. So Charlotte and Web?
you and me both!
umm…what’s wrong with Taco again? It sounds so…smart. I think you should stick with it.
God, I totally forgot BOLD was an option.
I’m bolding everything from now on.
I have the hang. And the poors.
I think I won’t post today in solidarity of something. I don’t know what.
Congrats to Lynne!
Yeah Lynne! Double bonus if she uses it at work, where you can both enjoy it.
I don’t know if you’ll hate me because of this, but I must tell you:
I really don’t like Kathy Griffin. I don’t think she’s funny at all.
I still like you though!
c’mon chris…
“I don’t go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth”
that’s classic shit right there.
But haven’t you heard? Shit is funny!
He poked you in the back with an Egyptian god?!
http://www.allwords.com/word-Wenis.html
Or perhaps his elbow?!
http://www.allwords.com/word-Wenis.html
Positive contribution? Was he trying to tell you that the jumping bean you are incubating is going to be Satan’s child? Don’t go all Rosemary’s Baby on us — especially if it means wearing those horrid Peter Pan collars.
I never made it past wet t-shirt contest. I keep thinking if you hold off until I get back to my 25-year old body, then I’ll participate. But, then I think who are we kidding. I looked way hotter at 30.
I think Kathy Griffin is hilarious! Chris doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Obviously.
“Two Lumps” was robbed.
Congrats, Lynne!
What the hell is the uncomplicated explanation for dragging a used Christmas tree down the street during a snowstorm? Craigslist?
I say go Sarah Palin for the baby and name him or her Crack, Twig, Castrol, Tallow, or Crapper. Boy or girl makes no difference.
Why no butt-poking? Where is the love?
stoogepie’s last blog post..Post-Christmas Letter to Santa
I sooo want a Nude and Brewed in my home town. Bring it to Sydney-Town! Go Global!
In terms of names… I name animals where I work, and lately I’ve taken to naming them after celebrity babies. Surprisingly, they sell quicker. Something to consider.
wtf, stoogepie’s comment is the ONLY one commentluv worked for??