On Saturday night Crissy and her friends Michele, Elise, and Valerie went to her friend Stacy’s house for an Athena party. An Athena party is like a tupperware party only with dildos and vibrators and stuff. There’s usually an assemblage of drunken women who pass around various thingymabobs and giggle and make jokes about their husband’s wee-wees.
It’s great fun.
Crissy has been to several of them but this one?
Crissy is not so sure it was really as good as others she’s been to.
First of all, our Goddess, that’s what the salessluts call themselves, looked like this:
What’s really funny is that she looked almost exactly like this and anyone who was at the party that would like to comment just this once (Val, Shel, and Elise! I’m talkin’ to you bitches!) will back Crissy up on that.
And she was wearing pants that were too small for her, highlighting her FUPA quite nicely and an ill-fitting bra underneath a tee-shirt that said something like “Come to the NAUGHTY side with me.”
And Crissy wondered when the last time anyone took her up on that offer was because really?
The last Goddess Crissy had looked like this:
You see the difference don’t you Queefs?
Whose dildo would you rather fondle and pass to your friend?
I thought so.
But the lady was very nice and as it turns out she’s a high school teacher who does this for a little extra cash.
This made Crissy wonder how many of her teachers from school did this sort of thing on the side.
And also at an Athena party you can count on being forced to participate in some sort of lewd act with women you barely know. Crissy had to get on her hands and knees and eat a peeled banana out of her friend Valerie’s crotchal which would have been a lot easier to do had Crissy not been stone cold sober but she did it anyway because Crissy is a giver.
And it was a race and you know Crissy had to win that shit, right?
And Crissy is proud to say that she annihilated poor Stacy who was paired up with her sister-in-law which will make for an interesting Christmas dinner for the two of them this year, and won a light-up penis key chain because Crissy is the best banana deep throater around.
Or at least at Stacy’s house anyways.
Then as if poor Stacy wasn’t humiliated enough, the, ahem, Goddess demonstrated bondage sheets by blindfolding poor Stacy and tying her to her bed whilst her sister-in-law whipped her with a be-feathered riding crop and took pictures.
Crissy does not think she will ever host one of these parties because she has a remarkable talent for self-humiliation and does not need a dumpy middle aged teacher helping her out on that one and also Crissy’s sister-in-law would probably enjoy the whipping a little too much and would probably hurt poor prone Crissy.
And there was this one thing that just about everyone agreed was a Wonderful Thing except that it looks like this:
Which looks too much like this:
So it was right out.
And so yeah. Crissy would like to say that she bought tons of stuff and she’d like to show you pictures of it but you don’t care and also Crissy didn’t see anything she doesn’t already have thought would really do the trick.
Well, there was one thing but she is hoping Santa will put it in her stocking this Christmas.
Or in her Noonie.