Shit Without the Mess

Disclaimer: Those Queefs who do not think shit is funny need not read this post (or this blog for that matter because we don’t like your kind around here) but Crissy doesn’t think it will be a problem because judging by the survey results from yesterday we are all down with brown.

And that just warms Crissy’s heart.

So we were Christmas shopping and Mister found The Perfect Gift for our friend Timmy! (remember Timmy! from yesterday? Crissy’s bff Rachel’s husband? You’ll see him in a second) and it turned out to be this:

And also one of these:

And Mister loved this gift so much that he got the same thing for his friends at work and also his dad and don’t forget for himself because who wants to be left out of the fun at Christmas time?

Certainly not Mister.

And so Crissy brings you the following video of adults acting like they’re 7 and also of people planning to do juvenile things to unsuspecting strangers at The Stop and Shop.


Somebody please volunteer to get stinking drunk for Crissy.

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  1. Crissy, I will volunteer to do drunk duty for you this New Year’s Eve. In fact, feel free to put me on drinkin’ duty pretty much any time. It’s not like I have a JOB or any reason to NOT drink pretty much 24/7.   So, I am willing and able to drink for two… as a service to the QOFE, of course…

    Happy New Year, Crissy, Mister, Girlfriend, Alice & Big Pussy (and Taco!)

  2. I am enthralled. It’s like a farting a capella group. Are Timmy! and Mister available for hire? Too bad my wedding was a couple months ago. I might have picked them over the Spanish Guitars.

    PS – I love how Girlfriend completely ignores Mister’s misbehaving. You’ve got a smarty pants on your hands!

  3. When I was a youth director, I always had flarp in the car. Strange how the sixth grade boys always wanted to ride with me….. Mister would have fit RIGHT IN! In fact, I think I might need to pick some up for the party tonight. Yippee! My mind is racing with ideas!

    Can someone get drunk for me too? But don’t end up in treatment. It’s not that fun.

  4. Girlfriend is too funny.  Can’t you just see her at 14, complete with eye roll “Daaaaad! Ohmigosh you guys are so immature…. Mooooom, Dad’s doing that farting thing again!”

    Matter of fact, I’m thinking you definitely need to store some Flarp away for those teen years.  And you even have video to whip out when the ‘tude gets really bad.

  5. I don’t know whether I should be pleased that Girlfriend is unfazed by all this or concerned.  The farty thing would have been funny to have when I was sitting on Girlfriend in the restaurant.  Do you think she would have still been laughing?

    Alice, on the other hand, looked just about fed up by the antics.  Poor baby.

  6. 10am and I have already assumed the responsibility of drinking for you and anyone else who needs a designated drinker.
    Have you checked the DNA of Mister and Timmy against the drop box poop? I think they should be prime suspects.
    Have a wonderful New Years eve and don’t worry I have you covered.

  7. Too funny! I’m sorry, but all those people who say fart jokes and poop isn’t funny have absolutely no sense of humor and I’m tired of them trying to make me feel immature b/c I laugh at it all.  They can go suck a fatty. 🙂  Can’t wait to see the continued video.

    Also, I will be getting drunk and will toast to you tonight!  Happy New Year!

  8. I can’t wait to see what happens.

    We have two kittens who, when excited, poot.

    And we also have a dog who likes to clean the kitty box with her mouth which then makes her….poot.

    And I eat a lot of fiber.

    So poots are funny in our house.

  9. Love the Self-Inflatable Fartmonger!  My bff and i had one in college and it was particulary hilarious to toot the tooter in the elevator with our peers. Nothing like a pair of stinking hippies!

  10. I think the funniest part is that you made a three minute video of that stuff. And that people are waiting for part 2. Thanks for the laughs, but I’m with girlfriend, the music box is way more fun.

  11. OMG! Crissy you just listed the contents of my husband’s christmas stocking! I gave him Flarp, a whoopee cushion, and a package of blow pops. lol
    My older daughter discovered Flarp last summer on our way out for a camping trip. After listening to it non-flipping-stop for three days, it kind of lost its funny.

  12. My boys asked for a remote controlled “Fart Machine” this Christmas.  They cost $12.99 and promise to liven up any event.  Sadly my wife nixed the idea, so I taught them how to make fart noises by putting their hand in their arm pit and flapping their elbows up and down, that little jem cost nothing and has brought us hours of amusement.

  13. my 5 year old carries around a fart machine thing.  and the sad thing is…i let him.  i let him walk around target saying…mommy…i farted.  mommy…you farted.  yeah…i’m proud.

  14. OMG I so need a self infarting (yeah I know lame huh?) whoopie cushion! My kids have one and they are constantly begging me blow it up and the thing tastes like what it sounds like!

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