Somebody WHAT in the WHO???

Oh my god you know what Crissy just noticed you guys?

Crissy talked about her bum yesterday and now she’s going to talk about poop!

Poop and bums.

That’s what we’re about here.

That’s how we roll.

Huh.

Whatever.

So maybe we’ll do another poll here but this one is about poop instead of bums only first Crissy has to tell you a little story.

Once upon a time Crissy was sitting in the break room of the library eating Amy’s organic lentil soup and reading about Brangelina’s latest trip to The Land of the Brown Peoples to buy adopt another baby and otherwise minding her own business when someone came in to tell her the news in the shaky and hushed tones of someone in severe shock and dismay.

“Somebody pooped in the book drop.”

“WHAT?” said Crissy, delighted and hoping she heard it right.

somebody pooped in the book drop!

“Bwahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! That’s awesome! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

“?….?…..?”

And nobody thought it was funny.

At. All.

Except for Crissy of course but that’s okay because she doesn’t really fit in with the church ladies anyway and it makes her feel rawther superior actually that she has a sense of humor, no matter how twisted it may be . And it even amuses Crissy that they’re all still in a big kerfuffle over the whole affair and it’s been ages since it happend and Crissy has yet to convince anyone at Schmuckytown library that it’s fucking funny. They get all fired up at the mere mention of the incident and so Crissy brings it up every once in a while just to fuck with people.

And when Crissy told her mom the story she had the same reaction as Crissy so that means that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree or crazy is as crazy does or that at least there’s someone out there that has the same sense of humor or justice or something or whatever.

Also, Rachel and her husband Timmy! (you always have to say Timmy! with an exclamation point because he’s that awesome) thought it was funny and of course Mister who is a lot twisted…

But that’s it!

Most people are horrified by it.

HORRIFIED!!!

And even Lynne, LYNNE !!! of all people only saw the humor after like a year and would only admit it when nobody else was around.

Crissy doesn’t get it.

And so now this story has become one Crissy tells people to sort of test them a little bit because there are two kinds of people in this world–those who think shit is funny and those who do not.

So tell your Crissy Queefs.

Taking a shadoobie in the book drop is:

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34 comments

  1. at least it’s not a mailbox: according to U.S. Code Title 18, Section 1705, destruction, damage, or defacement of a US Mail box, or the mail contained within, is a federal offense.

    however, shitting in a bookdrop is just a misdemeanor.

  2. i voted for #1 but its actually #1 & #2 combined

    it is truly disgusting and if i was the one who discovered it and had to clean it up i would most definitely not find it funny…until later of course…

    what makes me laugh even more is trying to recreate the crime in my mind….what was the motivation of the perp? when did he do it? (it had to be be a “he” right??? or not….???? how did he do it? did he just poop in a baggie at home and then make his deposit later…or did he just drop trou and sit on the return slot??? too funny

  3. I find it really funny, unless I was the one that had to clean it up.  Then maybe not so much.  Unless it was hard little poopers that could be picked up in a baggie like dog doo……..and then the area appropriately disenfected…but if it was soft, or smeared, then yuk if I were the cleaner upper.

    But to HEAR about it is funny.  I always think weird stuff, too….like how in the WORLD would you manage to hold open a book drop, and get your bum exactly in the right position to poop?  And did they bring TP?  Were they alone?  or were people watching.  I have issues at the thought of being watched whilst pooping.  My dogs, however, find it FASCINATING.

    Apparently they think it’s cool that I’m not hunched over in the grass waddling my way forward away from the poop I’ve just landed.

  4. The shit was most likely put in a bag and then dumped in later.  Nobody knows whether it was human or doggie, but judging by the fact that the library sits in the middle of a park where everyone comes to walk it’s probably dog shit.  BUT then again we have people who like to smear shit on the walls in the ladies room so you never know.  It could go either way, really.

    And it was a library page who found the shit and then had to clean it up because shit rolls downhill.

  5. I think hearing about it is funny, but I’m glad I didn’t have to clean it up.  Sounds like you might be right about the dog poo.  People are lazy asses when it comes to cleaning up after their dogs (like your neighbors who like to let their dog poo in your yard instead of their own).  I guess I should be glad they picked it up off the ground. 

    My mom used to work part-time at a library in a very small town.  Her co-worker was a crazy nut job.  I can only imagine what she would have said if my mom told her someone pooed in their book drop. 

  6. Poop is always funny.  Always.  Even funnier is trying to figure out how someone squatted high enough to poop in the book drop.  Or if they pooped and then put it in there.

    I just realized I have so many questions for the Mystery Pooper.

  7. I deal with poop all day at work. It’s not fun.  Unforntunately, my peoples don’t anything as creative with it as your book-drop-pooper. Maybe I sould be thankful!

  8. I know it tarnishes my record, but I still maintain it’s kind of gross.  I’m no good with shit, I admit it.  I do give the person who did it credit for creativity however.

  9. I have to ask though, how is it possible to poop in the book drop? That just looks so uncomfortable to do. What about just squatting and dropping it?

    I analyze things FAR too much.

  10. How could somebody not find that story funny? I mean, the ONLY person who shouldn’t find that story funny is the person who has to clean up the mess. But, that’s it.

  11. Or that guy from That’s Incredible who’d climb into the plastic box and sit in there the whole show while the That’s Incredible people would be like, “A cat! In a tree! That’s In-CAT-able!”

    Does anyone else remember that?

  12. Picturing someone precariously perched on the drop box lid is hilarious.  Picturing someone putting poo in a bag to put it in the drop box is just disturbing.

  13. Yes, as long as you are not the one doing the cleaning it is worth laughing at.  More amusing thinking about somebody sitting there doing it instead of cleaning up with a doggie bag.

    And CP – speaking from experience? (since we are here reading, I’d have to agree)

  14. So…I guess this person is on the library’s shit list.

    It’s quite funny, but gross.  You guys best thank your lucky stars it was log shit and not #3, which is the messy runny kind. 

  15. Somebody clearly had a problem with the library’s recommended reading selections.  Eh,  everybody is a critic.  You just keep putting Dr. Phil’s book out there.

  16. The only way that WOULDN’T be funny is if you were the person who had to clean it up.

    Maybe they were supposed to drop a stool sample at the doctors (or if it was doggie doo, the vets) and got confused/lazy.

  17. it was human and if you look closely inside of the book drop you will still see some smears, yuck what a smell!!! The poor pages had to wash all of the book covers and throw out all of the badly damaged ones. Yes it is funny now.

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