A Dog and Pony Christmas

Good Morning?

Any Queefs out there awake and alive and at work and stuff?

How was your Christmas?

Girlfriend had a great Christmas and got a pony and a train set and a Barbie and a bunch of other crap but after opening her gifts she said she was frustrated because all she wanted was more trains. Not all the other stuff.

But the problem is is that she did get more trains but we lost part of Madge the truck

And we think she may have been scooped in with all the wrapping paper and b-u-r-n-e-d in the f-i-r-e-p-l-a-c-e.

So today we’re off to Target to buy a new Madge.


Crissy had a wonderful day even with all the snotting and the coughing and the Auschwitz style burning of beloved toys and Santa got her everything on her list and good news! Crissy does not look like a marshmallow/cow/toilet paper in her new white puffy coat. It’s sort of cute actually. And she got not one but TWO Chia pets. Michele got her a Chia frog and poor, poor, sweet Mister drove all over creation trying to find a Chia Tree with the light-up star on top.

So as it turns out Queefs, when it comes to the Internet it’s all ask and you shall receive.

So naturally Crissy is still waiting on the BMW which should be arriving any day now and if she had known how easy it is to get stuff you want just by posting it on your blog she would have asked for these:

Crissy has like 4 pairs but they’re all rather smallish and all the other preschool moms have HUGE ones.

Makes Crissy feel inadequate.

And also Crissy wants one of these Labradoodle puppies:

Complete with a house bitch to take care of it and teach it to shit outside because Crissy doesn’t have time for that.

She’s having a baby for Christ sake!

Taking on a puppy would be madness!

And also, Crissy would like World Peace because the news bores her with all the fighting and the war and the ugliness and stuff and wouldn’t it be more fun if the news just reported Celebrity gossip and fashion news?


The QOFE just wants a better world for us all and something more entertaining to watch like Lindsay Lohan being a big lez or Brit-Brit’s eventual relapse or something fun and interesting while she has her morning coffee.

It’s win/win for everyone, really.

So do you Queefs think you could get to work on that shit for Crissy for next year?


Crissy’s birthday is coming up in June.

You’d better get cracking.

And stoogie asked to see pictures of Crissy’s Christmas Dog and Pony Extravagana so here stoogie:

Crissy gives you dog:


She’s not fat she’s just FLUFFY!

And a pony:


The pony knows what you did with that Christmas buttplug and does not approve.

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  1. I too have found that posting about what I want on the Internet means I will get it. It especially works for diamond earrings, because that’s what I wanted this year, and I got it. Mr. Crissy, be a good boy and go buy the QOFE some adult-sized ear bling.

  2. Dammit!  I am going to have to take back your Chia Tree now…but I may restart my blog JUST to cash in on gifty goodies! 

    ps–it’s not nice to mention Auschwitz during Hanukkah.

  3. Thanks for the dog and pony show!

    Alice looks very stylish in her bow, and it kind of matches the ribbons in the tree.

    Meanwhile, is it just my imagination that Girlfriend’s jammies are a very close match to the wrapping paper? I’m sensing a little anal retention. I prescribe a Christmas buttplug.

    How will you possibly care for two chias, with your pregginess and all?

  4. those labradoodle pups are adorable.  my girlfriend and her husbie just got one and she’s the cutest thing ever.  im just glad i dont have to train her.
    glad you’re feeling a little bit better and enjoyed the day.  and got your cha cha cha chia pet.  woo!

  5. Awww…Alice is so cute.  Did she get any presents?  If not, that may explain the mystery of Marge.  I’d chew on a truck too if I didn’t have any presents.

  6. Wow! Even if I could score SMALL diamond earrings by posting it on my blog, I’d consider mentioning them. (I do not have preschool mommies to keep up with).

    I’m so happy you got your Chia Tree… cuz I STILL don’t have your mailing address and was hoping Santa got my letter so he’d bring you one!

  7. Big lez = awesome.

    I’m not in Portland currently so there’s no stopping me from laughing at that. Or from ASKING FOR AN EXTRA PLASTIC BAG. I’m pretty sure California is heaven.

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