It snowed like a bastard here all weekend and everything is beautiful and lovey and snowy and look at Crissy’s house:
And today Mister and Girlfriend are going sledding while Crissy is at work.
Crissy’d much rather be at home doing laundry and reading smut than working or sledding because work blows and Crissy is ascared of sledding, but it wasn’t always that way.
When Crissy was a wee little Crissy she loved, loved, loved to go sledding. She had a big hill behind her house and she and her brother would spend hours just going down the hill and making jumps and stuff and trying to bury one another’s heads in the snow with the eventual goal of fratricide or sororicide, depending on who is doing the ‘ciding.
But it’s really hard to drown in snow so it never worked and the little bastard is still alive and well and living in Florida.
He hates the snow.
Gee…Crissy wonders why.
Anywho, one day Crissy went sledding at her friend Katie’s house. Katie had a monsterous hill and her brothers, unbeknownst to Crissy and Katie, had run the garden hose down the hill which turned it into a Ice Luge over night.
And Crissy and Katie went down the hill.
Remember the scene from Christmas Vacation with the metal saucer sled and the non-caloric silicon based kitchen lubricant?
It was like that and it fucked Crissy up for life.
And that is reason number one why Crissy does not go sledding.
#2. Having to pee. They don’t have toilets at sledding. It never fails that after Crissy gets her snow bunny outfit on and arrives at the sledding place, she has to pee. Or go pookipsie.
#3. The screaming. Careening out of control on a spinning, rolling, bouncing thunder tube or some such suicide device is not what Crissy calls fun. Mister says she needs to work on her technique but Crissy is too busy screaming, throwing up and dying to think about such nonsense. She may or may not pookipsie in her pants.
#4. Climbing back up the hill. Bullshit on that.
#5. Damn children. Crissy does not understand why people have to bring their kids to these kinds of things. It is clearly no place for children what with all the drinking and smoking and swearing going on. Or is Crissy the only one who shows up with a flask full of scotch and a pack of smokes and screams “FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!” all the way down the hill? She’s never noticed.
#8. Crissy can’t think of anything else so it turns out that there’s only 7 reasons why she doesn’t go sledding.