Gingerbread is Crissy’s Bitch

Guess what Crissy did yesterday as a way to procrastinate about wrapping Christmas presents?

She and Girlfriend made a “gingerbread house!”

Crissy thought she’d try her hand at it because really she hates wrapping presents as it is not one of her many, many, wonderful talents and it always comes out looking like she wrapped the present with her feet.

And as it turns out the “gingerbread house” came out sort of the same way.

We started out by making coco crispy treats which Crissy’s bff Rachel suggested we try and even though Crissy let them go stale for four days they were still too gooey and they just wouldn’t form walls.

Well, they sort of did but it looked more like a post- nuclear Charlie Bucket’s house

than the thing of wondrous splendor that we made last year


Maybe that’s not the same one we made last year but it looks exactly like that.

Or nothing like it whatsoever.

You’ll never know.

Anyways, Girlfriend and I decided it would be easier to cut the crispies into bricks and just stack them up and that is what we did and here is our creation:


Girlfriend thought the reindeer pooper was a nice touch so we included it.


Great news! The reindeer will also shit M&Ms! But they get stuck coming out of his large gaping butt hole, so be careful.


That’s the back and Crissy is just realizing we forgot to put windows. It may be because she is still all fired up about the windows on her real house. She’s trying to block out the unpleasantness lest she go all nutsy and take a sledge hammer to her house.


Crissy doesn’t think she did too bad of a job and only broke down in tears 2 or 6 times and threatened to throw the whole fucking thing into the trash can but Girlfriend was quite the little cheerleader and stood on her step stool and cheered “Go mama! Go mama! It’s your birthday! Don’t give up!” and so how could Crissy not try and try again?

And so that is what Crissy did yesterday instead of getting ready for Christmas and now she is hysterical because she’s behind on everything and there’s a massive snow storm coming today and she has like 15 minutes to do eleventy million errands.



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  1. the snow is coming!  rush to the store!  battle the hordes for the milk and bread!

    the house looks fine.  it’s made of FOOD–not carbon fiber.  a little sagging and a lack of right angles is to be expected.

    luckily your dear hubby is pretty adept at wrapping, so you don’t have to give people foot-wrapped presents.

    don’t be so hard on the reindeer–if candy came out your ass i’m sure you’d have a gaper too. 

    god i’m so turned on right now.

  2. The gingerbread McMansion is nice and all, but what’s with the creepy pecans crawling all over the sides?  It’s like one of those scary giant bug movies or something.

    I like your house.  I want to eat all those gum drops and crap off of it though, because I love gum drops.  I don’t like marshmallow, so you can have those.  And I would eat those coco krispies up – even if they are more than 4 day old stale now. 

  3. Oh yes! I see here in the Rhode Island Citizens’ Handbook. Rule #1 in the winter season. When John Ghiorse predicts more than a dusting of snow, per protocol, citizens must immediately rush to nearest store and purchase bread and milk.
    I on the other hand, am a fellow procrastinator. I am breaking R.I. Snow-Storm Protocol. I am not getting bread and milk, I’m going to get Jeff’s Christmas presesnt. I have no idea where I’m going either. This should be fun.

  4. Go Crissy! Go to the store! Stock up! And if you weren’t preggers, I’d suggest stocking up on The Vodka, which was my favorite snowstorm treat. Getting hammered and then going out to shovel was always entertaining. There was lots of falling and “Oh Fuck! We’re running out of mix!” which ended in me bundling up and walking ten miles uphill for more.

    You think I kid.

    I’m a fucking alcoholic. It’s a true story!

    The reindeer turns me on too, Ken. But don’t tell anyone.

  5. Super cute house, Crissy! My gingerbread houses always end up with broken down walls and covered in frosting. And I eat all the candy. Its bad. So I congratulate you and Girlfriend on your willpower to not eat the house before it’s built.

  6. I think your gingerbread rice krispie house looks wonderful.  And delicious.  I’m sure I could eat some windows for you in no time.

    This year you’re working on growing little Taco, but for next year, might I suggest Drink Shopping?  This is an annual even where my friends and I have one too many glasses of wine and do our last minute shopping.  That way, it doesn’t sting so bad to watch half of your paycheck fly out of the window, and everyone (including you) gets a surprise when presents are opened!

    “Yeah, Mom, I just knew you’d love that sparkly green eye liner.  It just screamed ‘YOU’!”

  7. Love the gingerbread (or lack there of) house! I never trust those people who make those perfectey-type ones, with their right angles and whatnot. Not true to the spirit at all.

    It does kind of remind me though of the candy/junk food models of the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter we made  at a Librarian Workshop at NASA a few months ago.

    Yes. It is great to be a  Kid’s Librarian in Florida.
    Did I mention it is going to be 79 degrees and sunny today?

  8. I love Charlie Bucket’s house…and that you made me think of Johnny Depp in the process.

    As for the crispy bricks, I think that your house turned out lovely and high-five girlfriend for the poop.

    ps–I’ll get you a Chia Tree if you get me the Reindeer with accompanied M & M’s of course! 

    um. not kidding about the ps.

  9. The snow is bad, but not as bad as the weatherman are screaming at us.  Chicago was supposed to be blasted off the face of the earth and everyone woke up this morning and said “eh”

  10. Not bad.  It looks 100 times better than my gingerbread house (prolly ‘cos I didn’t even make one).

    You definitely went all MTV Cribs style on it!  All you gotta do is build a gingerbread Beemer to park next to it!!

  11. @ Kendra- Oh no!  It’s not a milk and bread run at all.  It’s a “holy fuck this is my last day to get any shopping done!” run.  Fuck the bread and milk.  I make my own.  Good luck on your mission.  The bread and milk traffic is a killer.

  12. Oh, that last comment makes me want to say things that will make the Pimp mad. But why do you call it a gingerbread house if it’s make out of Rice Crispies? It still looks nice.

  13. Did you know the nasty storm that just hit Chicago is coming your way … if you don’t have time to go grocery shopping before the storm hits, at least you’ll guarantee a sugar high for the next 5 days. Looks scrumptious!

  14. Boy. I wish I had a house like that.  Here I am all snowed in and stuff and no candy to munch. Not even deer droppings. **Sigh**

  15. That house looks delicious. How many calories are in it, do you think?

    In other words, how much of it can I eat before I gain a pound? Because I only stop eating when my pants get tight. I’m an American, after all.

  16. looks better than id be able to whip up, that’s for sure.

    oh and just ps?- ive taken your advice on hitting the bottle to get through the season.  and with the snow so far and with nothing better to do, operation Get Soused to Forget Christmas 08′ is going wicked well.  thank you for that.

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