And so much like when Oprah does it, Crissy is sure that the Queefs have been anxiously awaiting Crissy’s Favorite Things list.
And guess what?
YOU’RE ALL GETTING ONE!!!
No you’re not.
Crissy doesn’t even 0wn these things yet so the chances of her giving them to the Queefs are like, well, not good.
First up on Crissy’s list is this:
She included a picture so that when she says she wants a Le Creuset Dutch Oven for Christmas the less refined Queefs among us won’t think it’s a fancy Frenchy way to fart in Crissy’s bed. Michele has one and now Crissy wants it too.
And Crissy has been particularly cold this year already and it seems that none of her numerous coats and jackets are keeping her warm and so now she wants this:
And she chose ivory because it’s the only color she liked out of all the choices and they didn’t have dark plum like she would have prefered (!!!) but she’s a little nervous about the ivory because once she starts to become rather rotund and bovine around February/March-ish she’s scared she’s going to look like this:
And so we’ll see if Santa brings it or not and see how it goes. Crissy just realized that Michele has the exact same coat and so she must want to be Michele for Christmas.
And of course there’s always this but it needs to have a big blue bow on it (Crissy does not like red):
Because Crissy needs a sweet ride for the ten minute trip from her house to the school to work and back every day. But Santa is a notoriously cheap bastard and is always worrying about paying for food and shelter and boring and stupid and unnecessary things like that so the chances of it actually appearing under the tree this year are not so good.
Michele does NOT have a BMW in case you were wondering.
But what Crissy really, really, really wants this year is one of these:
And this year they even have one with a little star on top of it. Crissy has been asking for a Chia Tree for about 10 years now and everyone laughs at her like it’s all a big joke but it’s not! Crissy really wants a Chia Tree god dammit! And it’s becoming clear that nobody loves her because she is continually denied this, the most simple and inexpensive of requests.
She’s got more of a chance of getting the BMW than she has of getting a motherfucking Chia Tree.
Do you see how cruel people are to your Crissy?
It’s almost like they don’t even care she’s the QOFE.
They shit in a bag and give it to her for Christmas.