So Crissy and Mister and Girlfriend had Rich and Michele and Alena over for dinner on Saturday night and we had a lovely time and the children destroyed the house but it was okay because they entertained each other for four hours while we had interaction with grown ups.
Crissy was so happy they came over that she almost humped Rich’s leg when he came in.
And then Michele’s a few minutes later.
Crissy really has to lay off the smutty books.
She’s in danger of committing some sort of sex crime or at the very least embarrassing herself at The Wal-Mart which is pretty hard to do but she thinks she could manage it.
And Michele told Crissy about the time her sisters hid in the back of her parent’s Suburban and overheard them talking about a Swinger party and it was so funny you guys and it of course led to a parentals having sex conversation.
And Crissy remembered the all too recent moment she realized that the tub of Vaseline her dad kept in his nightstand right there on top of his pile of Playboys was NOT for lip gloss like Crissy thought it was for years, using it for that purpose until one horrifying, horrifying, moment.
It was in high school when somebody was talking about Vaseline as sex lube and it clicked in Crissy’s head why her dad’s Vaseline always had a big hand scoop print in it.
It always seemed odd to Crissy that he used so much of it…
The sun came over the mountain.
OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH Gooooooooooddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!
That was her parent’s sex lube she was using as lip gloss because her wretched mother wouldn’t buy her any Bubble Gum flavor Kissing Potion like she wanted!
Remember that stuff?
And you know what finally dawned on Crissy on Saturday night, while talking to Michele?
Maybe that wasn’t sex lube at all.
Maybe that was her dad’s own personal lubricant.
After all, he did keep it right there with his porn.