So remember how Crissy said Wednesday was a bad day and she wanted to hide under her bed? Well yesterday started out just fine and Crissy went to work to find that they had bought us bagels for breakfast and also some M&Ms to go with them and it was just. great.
And Crissy didn’t want to leave work because who would want to go home and take care of Girlfriend and do filthy New York laundry when you can stay at work and read blogs get a lot of work done and eat candy?
But Crissy had to come home and face the suitcases and the dishwasher and when she opened her door the house stinked.
It smelled like Satan’s asshole if you want to know the truth.
Don’t ask how Crissy knows what Satan’s asshole smells like but just trust Crissy because she never exaggerates to her Queefs.
It was coming from the vicinity of the kitchen sink and so Crissy tore the place apart and cleaned all underneath the sink and took out the recycling and the trash and cleaned the garbage disposal (all you do is throw an whole lemon in there. Crissy had to look it up) and the trash compactor and the fridge and she used enough cleaning stuff to certainly make Taco some sort of 6 headed freak baby and still!
Now it stinked like Satan’s asshole after being violated by Mr. Clean.
And Crissy was at her wit’s end.
And then she noticed the very innocent looking box of Clementines sitting on the counter and began to unpack it.
And here, dear Queefs, is the villain:
One rotten little fucker made the whole house stink. So Crissy took care of it and Girlfriend washed the ick off the Clementines that were still good and we moved on to making cookies for Daddy.
And it went great until Crissy’s mixer shit the bed and she had to break her arms off trying to cream the butter and the sugar together. Crissy learned the hard way that you have to melt the butter more if you’re going to mix by hand. And now Crissy wants a new mixer in case any of you need a gift idea. She wants one like Melissa’s please.
Only in pink because why the fuck not pink?
And then we Girlfriend spilled the sugar all over the floor. And then whilst looking in every cabinet for the god damned cooling racks, Crissy’s new Pyrex pie plate came tumbling out of the cabinet and smashed all over the fucking floor.
Pyrex makes an epic mess.
Do not break Pyrex.
And then when Crissy went to vacuum up all the Pyrex dust, the cord to the vacuum bumped over Crissy’s glass of water which spilled anyone? anyone? onto the plate of cookies.
And Crissy tried to take a picture of the soggy cookies but the fucking camera battery died. Crissy is not even sure what possessed her to take pictures of her disasters in the kitchen yesterday but she did.
Would you have rather seen her dirty New York panties?