Crissy knows Queefs.
You’ve all been waiting anxiously, tossing and turning in your beds (and not in a good way), and pulling your hair out waiting to hear about where Crissy was for so long.
Crissy went to NYC!!!
There’s nothing like New York at Christmas time Queefs. Nothing.
The filth and the crazy assholes and the stink are all decorated with millions of twinkling little lights for the holidays.
It’s breathtaking, really, and Crissy wanted Girlfriend to see it before Taco comes and makes traveling an epic nightmare.
The Crissys had a lovely time though.
First, we had awesome seats to see The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular:
We were only three rows back and Girlfriend was totally riveted and didn’t move the whole time.
And Mister was bummed out because Crissy told him the Rockettes would get naked for the finale but this is as close as they got.
Crissy had to get him into the theater somehow.
It’s not lying, if it’s almost true.
There’s a difference people.
And of course we walked everywhere because Mister is too cheap to take a cab walking in 30 degree weather is invigorating, and Crissy feels like she was totally recognizable as the QOFE because she was the only one who had a pink coat. Everyone else wears black or some shade of brown. This probably explains why everyone was trying to give her informational booklets regarding bus tours and Jesus and stuff.
Crissy thinks it was sweet that New York put in so much effort to welcome her.
And this is Crissy’s room. It was 7′ X 21′ and it was a millionty degrees.
The Crissys nearly killed one another in there and nobody slept because Girlfriend sleeps alloverthefuckingbed.
Crissy wishes she could have taken something for The Claustrophobia because she felt like she wanted to bust through a wall, Incredible Hulk style.
But what do you expect in NY?
And there’s this sign near the elevator:
Does anyone proofread anymore Queefs? Crissy wants to know.
But the most important part of Crissy’s trip was meeting some of her Main Queefs for the first time.
We went to dinner with the adorable Chris and Arielle , the incredibly gorgeous Dingo, and the cutie pie Lauren who has a wonderful ass. Chris will probably be mad that Crissy is calling him adorable but really she means Arielle is adorable. Chris is just a cranky pants. But he smells nice and he’s really hot so it doesn’t matter.
Crissy is also a cranky pants and so that means that despite some obvious anatomical differences, Chris and Crissy are exactly like twins. We even have the same name.
Here’s Arielle and Dingo on the left and Chris and Lauren and Crissy on the right. Look at how hard Chris and Crissy pounded water.
Crissy thinks that if she weren’t knocked up, she and Chris would have wound up shit-faced whilst the rest of the table looked at us with their Judgy Judgington eyes.
Mister looked totally hot, right?
And Crissy had some wine but only one glass.
And Lauren showed us her ass.
And it is very, very fine.
Crissy wanted to touch it but she didn’t. Maybe on the second date though. Lauren also brought Crissy a Coach purse and a stuffed Schnauzer for Girlfriend. She’s too sweet!
And then we went to see the big Christmas tree because they don’t let you leave until you do. Either that or they don’t give a rat’s ass if you die in the gutter.
And now the Crissys are home.
Commence worshiping now.
- Mister’s Mom Sweater OR Why Crissy Would Rather See Him Naked.
- Her Cup Runneth Over
- Crissy’s Gift to the Pathetic, Downtrodden, Shat Upon Queefs at Work on Christmas Eve
- I’m going to be completely honest with you. This post is a nightmare.
- Crissy Does Not Know What to Say…