Crissy’s body hurts Queefs.
Mostly just her back and her arms.
She got into a fight.
A big one that lasted for almost an hour in which Crissy punched and punched her little arms off round after round until finally she gave up and collapsed onto the floor in a sweaty heap, all breathless and stripped down to her tank top and yoga pants.
But she won Queefs.
Your Crissy kicked some serious ass.
This poor fucker will never be the same again:
They had to carry him out. He was crying for his Mommy.
Turns out Crissy is a Wii boxing genius. Mister thinks he’s good, but Crissy has news for him. He’s not. Crissy is good. He thinks that just because he can knock a dude out in three punches that it makes him some sort of bad ass. Yeah, well, no.
Just like with her Wonderful Dancing, Crissy’s obvious raw talent just needs to be honed a little bit. She’d show you what she means but that would require a video and she didn’t know she was blogging about this until about three minutes ago so that sucks.
And so now Crissy is officially in training because Mister has some advantages over her like having boxed at the Naval Academy and being really strong and fast. And Mister doesn’t think Crissy knows this but he waits until Crissy goes to sleep and then he sneaks downstairs to practice. Crissy thinks that’s cheating but that’s okay because you know what Crissy has but he doesn’t?
Pure pregnant hormonal rage.
If they could shoot soldiers up with the shit that’s coursing through Crissy’s veins right now they would create the Ultimate Fighting Machine. Enemies would take one look at them, pee their pants, and run home to hide under their beds or cots or piles of dung or whatever.
Taco must be a boy because Crissy has been feeling all testosterone-y like a 16 year-old dude.
She’ll either fight you or fuck you depending on if you piss her off or not.
So Crissy is going to practice and build her strength because apparently the boxing segment on her Biggest Loser workout isn’t quite enough to harness all her innate ability and Santa is going to bring us another set of controllers and Mister and Crissy are going to fight to the death.
- I got a new plant yesterday. Someone was just giving them away and I took it because I love getting new plants. It’s sort of like getting a new pet, except they don’t piss on the floor.
- Gettin’ paid, gettin’ laid, gettin’ rich
- Dear Target, I’ll Kill You TWICE!
- Splendor in the Grass
- Crissy Takes Care of Business