And when Crissy got home from the Sexy Party she handed Mister the catalog and we went through it for shits and giggles because we’re really not in the market for anything right now and we came across stuff that made us laugh like we’re 13.
Like the Remote Control Panties.
And of course they have multiple uses outside the bedroom. For example, they can be put on your husband at dinner parties and when he says something inappropriate you can give him a little buzz to shut him up. Of course, any dinner party that the Crissys attend it will be Crissy’s mouth that gets her in trouble and she would wear them but Mister is hardly one to judge what is appropriate and what is not.
So they wouldn’t work for the Crissys because neither one of us has any idea about appropriateness which is probably why nobody ever invites us to dinner.
And can you imagine wearing the Butt Buzzer at a dinner party?
Hostess:“Is someone’s cell phone buzzing?”
Recalcitrant guest:“Oh no. That’s just my ass!”
And Crissy wants to know who came up with all the zoological names:
The Rabbit Habit, The Rabbit Dancer, The Wiggle Rabbit
The Throbbin’ Robin
The Butterfly, The Butterfly Kisses
The Dolphin
The Finger Frog
The Mystical Dragon
and Crissy’s favorite The Ultimate Beaver
And then we found this which Crissy has certainly seen before but never thought about how totally silly it is until we encountered it in the catalog:
It’s the Lickety Split and can you picture the person you do Sexy Time with coming at you with this thing on?
Not sexy.
Funny.
It’s way more fun to picture your boss wearing it while you’re sitting in a meeting with him/her.
Try to get that shit out of your head now.
Hahahahahahhahahaha!!!
So Crissy and Mister agreed that a better use for the Lickety Split is to just strap it on and drive around wearing it.
And so we consulted our friend Richard who is a lawyer and he looked it up and it does not appear to be illeagal in RI to drive around wearing a chin strap dildo.
And this is perfect because Crissy and Mister have been looking for a new caper.
We never do capers anymore.
So we’ll probably get one and give it whirl.
Of course there will be video you silly Queefs.
OMG!!! I almost forgot! Go see Crissy’s dream date with Ben! Crissy just hopes he can recover quickly because we are so going out again!
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December 3rd, 2008 at 8:56 AM
HAHA, The Finger Frog is my fav.
Its got a good ring to it.
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:05 AM
I think the person who created all those names has an inappropriate affection for animal loving.
And I like your idea of the remote controlled panties to control mouths at parties. I tend to get kicked under the table a lot by my Mister. Those panties might be more fun - if nothing else, I’ll have less shin bruises.
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:42 AM
Oh me, oh my…
I anxiously await the video is all I’m saying. Woman, you are just crazazy! Not crazy…but crazazy!!
Do the buzzer unndies come in a thong?
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:46 AM
Oh my sweet jesus. How?! Why?! What!?
I truly do not understand how that tool can ever come into play. Much like flavoured lubricant, I find that incredibly unnecessary.
Yes. I am the prudiest of all gay men.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:13 AM
i really don’t plan to end it there.
in fact, i’d like to publish a book of photos of various people wearing the chin-strap-dildo in public places… at the mcdonald’s drive thru, walking into target, doing a little grocery shopping, going to a movie, that sort of thing.
i think the reactions of folks will be the real subject of the book.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:33 AM
Why I have to live in SD and not get to come along on these capers, I do not know. That is SO something I would do. But I need a partner in crime.
I’m pouting.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 AM
Okay, if you really want a caper, I don’t think you can do much better than that.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 AM
I’m glad I read this post at work…
*ahem*
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 AM
@ deutlich- yeah. The day I post something like that is the day my boss decides to show up for work. She sits behind me. I’m having a hard time looking at my own blog this morning.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 AM
Do you think the snobby mothers at Girlfriend’s school would be amused or appalled if you wore that to a school function? Amused? Yeah, I thought so.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:44 AM
That thing looks so very uncomfortable for the wearer. Be sure you bring some baby powder to prevent chafing. I don’t want your pretty skin breaking out because you wore a strap on dildo on your chin.
I care.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:23 PM
Lickety Split I’m appalled, intrigued, and tickled all at the same time.
Oh, and I highly recommend the dolphin.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:26 PM
Well - I have seen movies with the chin-strap dildo used on woman/woman action and I am kind of a fan. I hope that we can still be friends.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:41 PM
Maybe you can get a green one that you wear on your forehead, and go out with two of them on.
But just the one would be interesting enough. What will the kids say? hmm, answering the door at haloween with that on. Or for the mailman. Oh, the possibilities.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Dan wanted to buy the remote control panties for the reunion. He figured that way at least HE would have some fun watching me jump around yelling “Whoa Nelly!!!”
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 PM
I want a copy of Mister’s “Chin Strap Dildos Across America” coffee table book.
Please.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 PM
The chin strap dildo is the funniest thing I have seen in a very long time. It’d be even funnier worn out in public. Wow!
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:40 PM
I tried your advice to picture my boss wearing that contraption.
Unfortunately, my boss is hot so now I can’t look her in the eye during meetings.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 PM
joe is starting to see the light!
the chin-strap-wang will add a healthy dollop of absurdity to ANY situation.
i’m waiting to be pulled over while wearing it while driving.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:34 PM
It reminds me of Jay Leno.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:41 PM
Please post pictures of your public outing. Really.
I love capers.
We tried to return lingerie to the pet store once, claiming the dog didn’t like the feel of the fabric. The manager was not amused.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 PM
Wow. I’ve never seen anything quite like that. But I’ve got to be honest. I can’t wait to see video of you guys driving around w/ it on. Hilarious!
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:22 PM
If you wear the Lickety Split on your forehead you can say you are a unicorn… It would make an interesting Halloween costume.
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:37 PM
I have to say it’s really a good thing my co-workers can’t see my computer screen unless they come around to my desk and look at, which isn’t often.
Thanks for the advice of picturing people with the Lickety Split. This may just keep me awake during my meetings.
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:06 PM
huahuahuahua…
I’m imagining the wiffey using one of these buzzers at a dinner party!!! it would be cool!
lol!
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:33 PM
Oh man this is too freakin’ funny. I can’t wait for the video! I’m going to try and picture my professor wearing it in class tonight - keep your fingers crossed that I’m not asked to leave (I’m not very good at laughing silently).
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:21 PM
I guess it’s better than testicles on your chin.
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:30 PM
OMG! Hahaha. I love it. No, I seriously love it. That is the scariest thing ever. Please buy one.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:17 PM
i have no words for this.
haha
December 4th, 2008 at 6:16 AM
If you wore that on your head…you would really be a “Uniporn” not “Unicorn” right?!?!
And let’s take a moment of silence for the model here–”Hey Mom, I got a catalog shoot!”
“Really? That’s great honey–is it as good as the vaginal itch one?”
“No Mom, it’s better…”
December 4th, 2008 at 6:17 AM
OMG! AND if Ken wears it on his head and you two go out, when someone looks at him sideways and you see it, you can say, “Don’t mind him, he’s just a dickhead.”
December 4th, 2008 at 8:46 AM
Bahahahaha oh Rachel, we can always count on you for inappropriate puns!