Yesterday was Crissy and Mister’s 6th wedding anniversary!
That means that we are going to start taking applications for one girl and one boy who we are going to have affairs with next year. Just email them to us and we’ll let you know before 11/30/09 if you’ve won. If the application is good enough, we might just call it the 6 year itch instead and be done with it.
And Mister felt badly that Crissy did not really like the early anniversary gift he gave her
so he took her shopping at the mall and kept his mouth shut whilst Crissy spent all his money and then he took her out to lunch and then they came home and, well, other stuff happened that may or may not have involved the speculum.
Anyways, Crissy and Mister cannot believe they’ve been together for 13 years and married for 6 and we look like babies in our wedding video and Crissy looks totally hammered.
That is because she is totally hammered.
Crissy was very, very, very nervous even though her wedding was really small and sort of casual and it will not surprise you Queefs to learn that it took place in a bar.
But Crissy was tipsy because she drank a bottle of champagne starting at the hairdresser’s at 7:00 am and ending at around 11:30 am just before she walked down the long sweeping stairs and into her wedding.
She was very grateful that her dad was there to help her down the stairs because long trippy wedding dress + heavy flowers+ satin shoes+ long stairway+ champagne = America’s Funniest Video Grand Prize Winner.
But Crissy did make it down the stairs without incident thank you very much and got married. Don’t worry. It’s the short, short, short version.
And then after dinner and the cake and all the wedding-y stuff happened and all the boring judgmental people parents went home the party started:
That’s Valerie, Crissy’s Matron of Honor. Crissy isn’t sure if you can tell from this picture but Val hates smoking.
And the boys had fun too.
It was a nice wedding, really, and Crissy is glad she didn’t have the big hoopty-doo event of the century type thing.
And Crissy is pretty sure she’s the only person to ever put a picture of a speculum in the same blog post as a clip from her wedding video but that’s okay because you almost never see the bride getting shit faced and smoking ciggies either (mom if you’re reading this don’t worry. Crissy only used to smoke sometimes so spare the lecture and don’t embarrass her in front of her Queefs).
Only Crissy would do something like that.
Crissy is classy.
She also grabbed the Best Man’s bum, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story for a different day.
- Spousal Humiliation is Fun!
- The Royal Bosom and also some cake
- You’re Skatin’ Me Crazy!!! Oof. That’s a bad title. Embarassing, really.
- Homeslice Goes to the Doctor
- I talked about celery for two hours, I saw a spider as big as my head and then I spilled the baby’s dinner. My life is so interesting it will make you weep.