Yesterday was Crissy and Mister’s 6th wedding anniversary!
That means that we are going to start taking applications for one girl and one boy who we are going to have affairs with next year. Just email them to us and we’ll let you know before 11/30/09 if you’ve won. If the application is good enough, we might just call it the 6 year itch instead and be done with it.
And Mister felt badly that Crissy did not really like the early anniversary gift he gave her
so he took her shopping at the mall and kept his mouth shut whilst Crissy spent all his money and then he took her out to lunch and then they came home and, well, other stuff happened that may or may not have involved the speculum.
Anyways, Crissy and Mister cannot believe they’ve been together for 13 years and married for 6 and we look like babies in our wedding video and Crissy looks totally hammered.
That is because she is totally hammered.
Crissy was very, very, very nervous even though her wedding was really small and sort of casual and it will not surprise you Queefs to learn that it took place in a bar.
But Crissy was tipsy because she drank a bottle of champagne starting at the hairdresser’s at 7:00 am and ending at around 11:30 am just before she walked down the long sweeping stairs and into her wedding.
She was very grateful that her dad was there to help her down the stairs because long trippy wedding dress + heavy flowers+ satin shoes+ long stairway+ champagne = America’s Funniest Video Grand Prize Winner.
But Crissy did make it down the stairs without incident thank you very much and got married. Don’t worry. It’s the short, short, short version.
And then after dinner and the cake and all the wedding-y stuff happened and all the boring judgmental people parents went home the party started:
That’s Valerie, Crissy’s Matron of Honor. Crissy isn’t sure if you can tell from this picture but Val hates smoking.
And the boys had fun too.
It was a nice wedding, really, and Crissy is glad she didn’t have the big hoopty-doo event of the century type thing.
And Crissy is pretty sure she’s the only person to ever put a picture of a speculum in the same blog post as a clip from her wedding video but that’s okay because you almost never see the bride getting shit faced and smoking ciggies either (mom if you’re reading this don’t worry. Crissy only used to smoke sometimes so spare the lecture and don’t embarrass her in front of her Queefs).
Only Crissy would do something like that.
Crissy is classy.
She also grabbed the Best Man’s bum, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story for a different day.
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December 1st, 2008 at 8:41 AM
I had the seven year itch once…
Ew. Bad joke.
December 1st, 2008 at 9:15 AM
Now that is what I call a wedding.
December 1st, 2008 at 10:00 AM
I love that video. You look like you’re living in a dream!
December 1st, 2008 at 10:33 AM
aw you pretty bride you.
the ciggies class it all up. i like that about you.
December 1st, 2008 at 10:37 AM
The ciggies are *so* Holly Golightly.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:16 AM
Those pictures are awesome. And Ken - are you 7 feet tall or is Kristen just short, because you look like a fucking giant in that video.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:27 AM
I’d do your husband. He’s tall like me! Consider this my application. Because I’m all classy like that. And you looked absolutely gorgeous on your wedding day. Gorgeous.
December 1st, 2008 at 12:30 PM
Married in a bar? How convenient. The boys look like they were having a great time.
Where do I send in the application?
December 1st, 2008 at 12:32 PM
You should win a damn award for putting a speculum in the same post as your wedding stuff! Hell, NO ONE has ever done that shit before!
On Sunday, it will be my 12th anniversary. Gross! I’m so fabulous he won’t go away!!! What kind of itch is that?!
December 1st, 2008 at 12:47 PM
I love your wedding dress! And I really like the idea of a small, intimate wedding, rather than a huge blown out thing. Those events make me nervous.
Happy anniversary!
December 1st, 2008 at 1:09 PM
i AM that tall. 6′4″ with shoes.
there was additional video footage of the consummation but exclusive content goes to the paying subscribers only.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:21 PM
Aw I love that video!
But I definitely do NOT love the speculum. It officially creeps me out that you have one in your home hahaha
December 1st, 2008 at 1:59 PM
Congrats on 6 years!!! I will give you ointment recommendations when I get my 7 year itch in August.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:54 PM
ME! — That’s my application.
And no cheating required because we’d all be there.
I had a dream two night ago that I was engaging in lezzie sex — I’m experienced now, just so you know.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:54 PM
Nights.
Stupid typos. They’re like the plague.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:11 PM
Wait — your wedding was in a bar with a LIBRARY? A library that looks like Beauty and the Beast, with ladders and shelves up to the ceiling? I WANT TO BUY THAT BAR.
December 1st, 2008 at 3:18 PM
Happy anniversary blah blah etcetera blah.
So this application…does it require a resume? Or just photos and witty banter?
December 1st, 2008 at 3:18 PM
You look so happy in your wedding video! Happy and totally gorgeous. Now I’m all sorts of jealous and want to be getting married.
December 1st, 2008 at 4:47 PM
I just think it’s cool that people can stay married for 6 years in a row to the same person and still be on speaking terms and possibly even still having “relations”….with EACH OTHER…! (Unlike me, who was married for over 20 years but to 3 different people…)
I dunno about 7 year itch… I think if you get past 4 years and are still having sexy time more than twice a year, you’re doing well. But that may just be a reflection of my own experience… and a key reason why getting married again is NOT on my personal agenda.
December 1st, 2008 at 5:20 PM
I wish I had been drunk on my wedding day. I was too much of a good girl back then!
December 1st, 2008 at 6:06 PM
ok, so k8, joe, melissa, and arjew are in the contest.
nice that we have two boys and two girls so far.
December 1st, 2008 at 8:48 PM
You went to the hairdressers at 7am and she wasn’t done until 11:30am? What did you do? Grow a new head of hair?
December 1st, 2008 at 8:48 PM
Just so I’m sure, part of winning the seven-year-itch contest means I get to play with the speculum too, right?
Okay then. I’m in.
December 1st, 2008 at 8:48 PM
P.S Beautiful wedding! Beautiful you!
December 1st, 2008 at 10:36 PM
True love overcomes the odds - like a long dress, steps and a bottle of champagne.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:20 PM
that was a really sweet video - congrats on the anniversary.
if you can’t get rid of the itch though, try an ointment.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:44 AM
Happy Anniversary! I know, I’m a bit late but silly work got in the way. Anyway, Happy Anniversary!!
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:05 PM
How did I miss this post? What is wrong with me?
Happy Anniversary! You got married on Dane’s birthday!
Well, I’m glad somebody got laid yesterday.
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:15 PM
Happy late Anniversary!
You look gorgeous in your video! And I love the ciggie pic!
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 PM
you should see the pics from my wedding thing…
It was in a Pub!