Wow.

Crissy did it Queefs!

By posting that video yesterday she and Girlfriend singlehandedly managed to get Barack Obama elected for President!

WOOT! WOOT!

Three cheers for CRISSY!

Three cheers for GIRLFRIEND!

AND if that wasn’t enough, she was awake to hear Obama’s speech last night and she cried when his little girls came out to join him on stage.

WHAT?

The QOFE has a tender heart.

That and she did not like his wife’s outfit.  It was a travesty.

Crissy’s dad and grandfather are distraught. They think Obama is going to turn us all into socialists. “He’s going to turn us into France or Canada!”

OH MY GOD THE HORROR!!!!

But Crissy worries about him a little bit. He’s never had such power before and Crissy thinks he needs to call her for some advice. He needs a mentor, really.

Learning how to be the QOFE was not easy and Crissy still makes mistakes sometimes. Not that she’ll ever admit it. That’s just not what Queens do. We assign blame and pass the buck:

“It is not Crissy’s fault she had to go out and spend the mortgage money on designer bedding. It is Mister’s fault for spilling coffee on the old stuff thereby forcing Crissy’s hand. What was she supposed to do? Sleep on a stained bed? It’s unheard of!”

SEE?

Obama. Call Crissy. We’ll talk.

And maybe poor Obama won’t know what to do with all the paparazzi and requests for interviews and the wild monkey sex with interns and the secret service dudes and oh. my. god. the gifts people are sending him!

He’s going to need some help staying grounded like Crissy.

Even though Crissy is QOFE and Hottest Mommy Blogger 2008 she is still Crissy from the Block. She’s still in touch with her Queefs.

She still shaves her twidget several hairs at a time just like everybody else.

She shits rainbows and strawberry ice cream but she never brags about it because she is awesome like that and she doesn’t want to make the Queefs feel bad.

Now if you’ll excuse Crissy she has to go. The Queef line is ringing and she doesn’t want to keep Barack waiting.

There is much to discuss.

Halloween was very fun even though Mister wouldn’t let Crissy hand out the candy.

Mister dressed up in his old Navy Officer uniform and looked very handsome indeed. Those uniforms really accentuate the bum area. Crissy does not have a picture as it is very hard for Mister to take a picture of his own ass. Trust Crissy. It was rawther special.

Crissy did not really have an outfit planned except for the fact that Mister has some sort of sick fantasy about Goth chicks and has been bugging her to dress as one for 13 years and Crissy said “fine.”

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Crissy just dug through her closet and put stuff on until she thought it was quite enough. She’s not sure she quite nailed Goth Chick but she did nail something.

And Crissy had intended to stay home and pass out candy while Mister took Girlfriend to do her trick or treats but as it turns out Mister kicked Crissy off the porch and sent her and Girlfriend out with Michele and Alena because he was afraid of what happened last year.

Crissy doesn’t know if you know this but sometimes she can be a little bit fresh. Crissy gets mad when adults with sleeping NEWBORN babies in strollers come around and trick or treat. She wants to be like “sorry. Crissy is fresh out of breast milk for your baby. No candy for you! NEXT!” And it pisses Crissy off to no end when ADULTS from the city come to the suburbs WITHOUT CHILDREN OR COSTUMES and go around trick or treating begging.

Crissy is not amused.

She does not take kindly to the poor taking advantage of good natured suburbanites and last year Crissy may or may not have had one too many drinkies snicker’s bars and may or may not have said something to one of them like “what the fuck are you dressed as? A douchebag without a fucking costume? That’s brilliant. Get off my porch. No candy for you!” And Mister does not think this is the way to handle the situation.

Crissy does not understand why.

You have to be tough with these assholes or they walk all over you and take you for Dum Dums and Air Heads.

Right?

Of course.

And so Crissy knows you’ve been dying to see pictures.

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Here’s Crissy with Girlfriend who was dressed as a cowgirl on a horse and Alena who was a tomato. Michele and Crissy were very proud that we had the only two little girls who weren’t dressed as princesses. We attribute it to our superior parenting.

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Here’s a better shot of Girlfriend. And Crissy looks completely blown out. That was totally part of the costume. Yeah.

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After they did their trick or treats the girls wanted to come home and count the candy. They dumped the stuff out on the floor and proceeded to have the same argument that anyone with a sibling remembers having on Halloween night.

“THAT’S MINE!”
“NO!”
“GIMME IT!”
“NO!”
“I’LL BUST YOUR HEART!”
“I’LL KILL YOU TWICE!”

Awwww…

Children are so precious.

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Here is Michele’s husband Rich dressed as some sort of gay Hawaiian wizard. Emphasis on the G.A.Y. He played show tunes out the window of his house and stood on the front steps playing the clarinet or this horn he has in this picture. It was by far the scariest house in the hood. Parents could be seen ushering their children gingerly by without stopping. Crissy thinks Rich’s house was the best one because Rich gave her as many peanut butter cups as she wanted.

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Look at this fucking guy. At least he had on a costume.

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Einstein popped by for a visit which was really sweet of him. Or her. Or something.

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Best homemade costumes of the night: a bag of leaves and her brother, a bag of chips.

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“You STAY on the sidewalk. you DO NOT go in the street or we go home right! now! Do you understand me?”

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Since when do ten year olds have boobies bigger than Crissy’s? Shut. Up. It hasn’t been since always!

And you know that boy was just dying for an excuse to wear a tiara right?

And we all had terrible colds and so were in bedfordshire by 9:30.

That’s Crissy’s Halloween story.

Tell her all about your fabulousness.