There Crissy was, working at the Reference desk and reading People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive issue because she is very well educated and sophisticated and cultured and such when she came across something that horrified her and also intrigued her just a little bit.

Scratch and sniff chests. Or “itch and smell” like Girlfriend calls it.

Yes Queefs. You read that right.

Sexy Scents: what fragrances makes these guys feel their sexiest? Rub the pictures to find out!

And Crissy was bored and so she looked over her shoulder and made sure she wasn’t on candid camera or anything because that would just figure and after she stopped laughing to herself she thought “fuck it” and decided to partake in the scratch and sniff.

She felt weird smelling naked paper chestals but whatev.

She’s getting paid time and a half to do it on a Sunday.

And so we have Chase Crawford who smells like Freshly Cut Grass and Taye Diggs who smells like vanilla, chocolate, sandalwood and musk, not Crissy’s favorite but she doesn’t care if Taye Diggs was covered in cat shit.

She’d still lick him raw.

Chris Meloni who Crissy thinks was at his sexiest on Oz smells all coconutty like the beach, and Micheal Phelps smells like L’Homme by YSL which Crissy did not like in the store but on naked paper Michael Phelps it’s not half bad, and then Crissy opened her eyes as she was taking her last intoxicating, panty moistening smell of Michael and found that apparently she had been transported to some sort of aromatic wonderland where she became unaware of the gathering crowd standing in front of her.

Shit.

Busted by the pain in the ass citizens of Schmuckytown.

And then when Crissy was finished rolling on the picture of Micheal Phelps the crowd cleared Crissy showed Wil, her counterpart, her discovery and had a good chuckle and just so you know, Wil thought Chris Maloney smelled the best which surprised Crissy because she would have figured Wil for more of a Freshly Cut Grass kind of guy.

And then on Monday in the break-room someone else discovered it and the magazine got passed around from lady to lady and Crissy thinks one of them actually brought it to the bathroom for a little alone time.

But Crissy is concerned Queefs. What are we scratching and sniffing next?

Crissy shudders to think of it.

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