We’ll See About This Edward Fellow.

Crissy is a little surprised at how many of you Girl Queefs thought a speculum would be fun!

Such dirty, dirty girls you are!

Crissy and some of the other Girl Queefs who didn’t think so must have extra sensitive lady businesses because cold metal hardness is too hurty for us.

Silicone hardness, sure.


Of course!

But not cold icky metal.

Crissy doesn’t care how much lube you’ve got.

Anywho, in other news, in case some of you didn’t know this, The Lovely Kiala informed Crissy that Dooce announced her pregnancy on the same day as Crissy announced hers.


Crissy is due three days before her so clearly it means that Dooce is copying Crissy even though Crissy is certain that Dooce has never even heard of her she is still sure that she’s trying to be like Crissy.

Because EVERYBODY wants to be like Crissy.

And if you don’t then there’s something wrong with you. Your fabulousness meter is broken or something.

And in other, other news, some of you are going to hate Crissy for doing this.

Crissy and Alice are reading Twilight.


We’re not usually ones to go along with the crowd, but Crissy is looking for a new vampire to think about when she does Sexy Time replace her beloved Mick St. John from Moonlight.


Don’t worry Mick. Crissy will always love you best.

So far, Alice is like a Bitch in Heat for Edward. Crissy is reserving judgement until he stops acting like a freak show when he’s around poor stupid Bella.

Crissy will give you her complete analysis of Edward’s fuckability later on.

Whether you like it or not.

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  1. ewwwww speculum’s are the worst tool ever invented. They hurt like a muthaf-cker.

    I am obessed with the Twilight series. They get pretty raunchy when Edward actually gives into Bella. Stephenie Meyer’s does a good job of making kissing into something else.

  2. Should I feel like a freak for not jumping on the Twilight – Edward Cullen bandwagon yet? Am I missing out on greatness?

    Geez, that speculum post was high-larious to say the least. Make some use of it! Maybe it can open stuck jars or fix any clanking noise the car makes or ward off evil spirits.

  3. I can’t WAIT to hear about how you feel regarding Edward. Oh, and he never stops acting like a freak. A dreamy freak, but still stalker freak.

    Enjoy the book. 🙂

  4. I haven’t delved into the series yet. That’s more like beach material for me. I get scaredy cat and have nightmares when it comes to vampires and such things. Then the books have to go in the freezer at night so they don’t hurt me.

  5. Dooce did NOT win the hottest mommy blogger award and because she’s a bitter shrew, she’s copying you by announcing that she’s preggers too.

    I mean, besides me, can you imagine anyone less appropriate having a second child?

  6. I’ve read the first 2 books and I’d say that although Edward is a bit creepy/stalkerish I’d still have at him. He’s hot. And really Bella is the same creepy towards him. So they are obsessive together.

  7. Uh, Dooce totally copied your post yesterday too and brought her little one and her mister to the gyn w/her too. It’s clear that she wants to be you. Too bad she can’t be. Clearly there is only one QOFE!!

  8. What stealthnerd said.

    It’s fucking with my head. And now I HAVE to read Dooce everyday to keep an eye on her clearcut plagiarism of your far superior blog.

  9. I have absolutely no idea what any of this means.

    That’s a lie… I got the Dooce part and feel you on this issue. I posted a while back that she was riding my coattails as I was the original awesome Utah mommy blogger. Then I got a bunch of hate mail pointing out shit like Helm had only been blogging for a few months at the time, wasn’t mommy much less a female followed by subtleties like Helm would be burned at the stake by the Dooce Army if he mentioned her again.

    Oh shit…

  10. I have to jump in here because I love the Twilight series, and you will too, I have faith. BUT I also will tell you that True Blood is the adult version of Twilight, which obviously makes it better. And I just saw the real life Edward last night at midnight (I know I am a dork) and he is FOR SURE creepy, but always fuckable.

    Love the blog, congrats on your little taco!

  11. I didn’t even know who Dooce was until the Hottest Mommy Blogger contest and even now read her only when someone on another blog comments about something she said while I read YOUR blog EVERY day.

    And speculums are EVIL. Any dude who’d give me a speculum as a gift must be wanting a vice grip to the balls. (And I bet there are those dudes out there who’d LIKE that…)

  12. I used to think Edward was fuckable… then I kept reading the series. It gets even more creepy stalkerish later on! Just when you thought it cannot be possible!

    I suspect this will be the Twilight review to end all Twilight reviews! I simply cannot wait!

  13. heheheheheeh
    I am being obligated to read twilight…
    Vic;s got all the books already and can;t wait for me to read them so she can comment on them…:)
    me the boss! 🙂

  14. First of all, I am a new fan and all about Crissy. Great blog!I have you on my blog list and am telling the gals all about you. Second, Dooce is running scared, I think, as you are the new shit and you are stinky. Third, if you really want a speculum spectacular rent the film “Dead Ringers” with Jeremy Irons. It is the creepiest use of a gynecological instrument and makes the one you have sitting in your house look as quaint as a toaster. Congrats on the pregnancy.

  15. Um…Edward is definitely the man I think about during sexy time…or at least the man who gets me in the moon for it.

    Actually I blame Edward for getting me into my little predicament. I’m on the bandwagon with you and Dooce.

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