So Crissy is sorry she kept Taco a secret from the Queefs but she thought it was probably for the best because when you have a blog that is supposed to be all floofy and just like love in your mouth like a fluffernutter sandwich and you make an announcement about your baby dying in your uterus it tends to be a downer.
It could still happen but it’s less likely now so Crissy thought it was safe to tell. Some of you already knew but most of you did not. The Inner Circle Queefs did a lovely job of keeping a secret for these past few months.
Also, Crissy has been sick to death with 24 hour nausea and blowing chunks and not being able to eat and thought she might be tempted to complain about being sick instead of bringing on the funny.
Ain’t no other lady can put it down like Crissy you know.
She brings the funny.
Anyhooter, Mister and Crissy and Girlfriend all went to the Taco Doctor on Tuesday and we heard Taco’s little heart and Crissy had to be violated as is customary for visits to the Taco Doctor and it’s just so much fun to do anyway never mind having it done while your three year old screams holy fucking murder because the doctor is touching mommy’s va-ji-na.
And if you don’t know already, Crissy’s Taco Doctor has the most lovely little hand knitted stirrup cozies that are just such a nice touch. He also has cinnamon scented plug ins because not everyone cleans the ol’ tuna wookie before going to see him.
It seems strange at first but you Queefs have to realize that the man needs something to make his job more pleasant or else you’ll see Mike Rowe in his office with a camera crew and a miner’s helmet.
Then on Tuesday night Crissy was just going to Bedfordshire when Mister said “I have a present for you.”
“Ooooo! Is it brownies?”
“Nope. It’s better.”
“What is it?”
“Close your eyes and put your hand out.”
And so Crissy did and she felt something cold and heavy and metallic in her hand which instantly made her think it must be jewelry and when she opened her eyes it was this:
HE TOOK A FUCKING SPECULUM FROM THE TACO DOCTOR!!!!
Crissy was in such shock that she tossed the thing like a hot potato (or like a cold speculum) out of her hands and it went flying, clocking poor sleeping Alice in the head and sending her scurrying under the bed and Crissy scrambled to the head of the bed and clung to it for protection.
Crissy should have known better.
Mister is not so great in the gift giving department.