When you have a baby everything about your relationship with the person who knocked you up and volunteered to stick around married to changes.
For example, let’s say it’s 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday and there’s nothing to do but Make Sexy Time.
Can’t do it.
There’s this hanging around:
How freaking cute is Girlfriend’s school picture? Too cute, Queefs. Too cute.
Or let’s just say that it’s 2 am and you’ve had a dream about Sexy Time and you’d like to see how it ends and you need to finish the deal.
Nope.
This is in your bed:
because it’s got a cold or there were Aliens in her closet (Crissy swears she does not talk to Girlfriend about Aliens. Girlfriend developed this fear all by herself. She knows they’re coming too. Obama, CALL US!!!) or some fucking thing that requires her to sleep in your bed with you.
And sometimes this does a little cock blocking:
And this is a big offender too:
She decides that Sexy Time is the best time to rest her head on mommy’s shoulder and insist on getting Lovey Time For Alice.
And Crissy is getting rawther frustrated because it’s not like Crissy is one for having the Sexy Time all the time but Jeezus does it suck when the more than willing handyman with the all the right tools is only two feet away from her and yet cannot fix her situation.
And it’s not like Crissy can rub one out either because again,
Hi!!!
Crissy is getting ready to hump her co-workers (you’ve been warned Lynn-e) or her desk chair or the UPS delivery guy.
ANYTHING.
Crissy must find some way to solve her little problem before she does something unfortunate.
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Allowing the pooches to sleep in the bed was the worst decision I ever EVER made for my sex life. EVER.
Before any of them are able to get in your room, lock the door, have quick sexy time and then you can let them back in.
Or are they usually in there before you even make it to your bedroom?
I’m all for getting a quickie in the bathroom.
In the winter, the cats end up on the bed with us. It’s very hard to feel romantical with cat ass in your face.
Oh God, are you going to hump my leg AGAIN? Jesus. Meet me in the men’s room tomorrow around 9:30 and I’ll see what I can do. The UPS guy is still trying to recover from the last time you tried to get at his “package”. Check out my new layout if you can take your hands out of your pants for a moment.
Well, she is cute. And the curls!!!
You’ll just have to wait ten years until she’s a teen ager and ‘oh, mom, eeewwwwwwww’
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i’m going to have to take drastic action to rectify this situation.
i don’t really know what i’m going to do, but by god it’s going to be drastic.
btw, you’re getting me that chris hansen shirt for x-mas, right?
I will send Dingo Girl over to give Alice some Sexy Time etiquette lessons. Whenever Mr. Dingo and I have Sexy Time, Dingo Girl huffs in disgust and then hides under the bed until it’s all over. Hey! Maybe she can teach Girlfriend to do the same!
There’s no shame in rubbing one out real quick…
Are there no babysitters in your town? Where do you live, Greenland?
Actually, I think even Greenland has a couple of babysitters or so.
I love that you’re all pent up.
Checking hotwire for the next flight to Greenland…
Girlfriend has GOT to be just the cutest little thing ever! What a cutie pie! Although she’s really got to stop w/ the cock blocking. How rude.
We taught our dog to get off the bed the second the “handyman” is on the move to jump me. He’s trained very well in that department thankfully.
I was going to say that you guys could do it in the shower, but then I remembered you guys have had some pretty bad close calls in the shower so maybe keep it out of there too.
That’s what work bathrooms are for. Oh c’mon, you know you’ve done it before.
Girlfriend is *very* cute.
This cock blocking has to stop, though.
At least my dogs observe the “two at a time” rule on the bed. If both me and the BF are on the bed, they won’t even attempt to climb up.
Geeze, GF is totally adorable. Too bad all that cute can’t be contained to her room and stop disrupting Sexy Time.
I think you need a mommy and daddy day where EVERYONE (including the pets) is banned from the house. One day. One afternoon even.
Also, those pictures are ADORABLE.
Two words (actually three). “Lunch date” and “nooner”.
um – I have no words…
Sometimes your blog is the best form of birth control. On the other hand Girlfriend is unbelievably cute…
LMAO too funny. Add 2 more kids and another cat to the mix and that’s our “blockers”. Try doing the deed with teenagers on the other side of the wall :OX
Now I understand why so many people have sex in the Chuck E. Cheese bathroom.
after she goes to bed?
pocket vibrator?
tell her you and mister are dancing?
rather complicated ussue… and one I am REALLY trying to find a solution to as well!!
tell me if you do!!!
xxx
Oh my God. THAT. SCHOOL. PICTURE. Is adorable.