Cock Blocking Since ’05

When you have a baby everything about your relationship with the person who knocked you up and volunteered to stick around married to changes.

For example, let’s say it’s 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday and there’s nothing to do but Make Sexy Time.

Can’t do it.

There’s this hanging around:

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How freaking cute is Girlfriend’s school picture? Too cute, Queefs. Too cute.

Or let’s just say that it’s 2 am and you’ve had a dream about Sexy Time and you’d like to see how it ends and you need to finish the deal.

Nope.

This is in your bed:

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because it’s got a cold or there were Aliens in her closet (Crissy swears she does not talk to Girlfriend about Aliens. Girlfriend developed this fear all by herself. She knows they’re coming too. Obama, CALL US!!!) or some fucking thing that requires her to sleep in your bed with you.

And sometimes this does a little cock blocking:

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And this is a big offender too:

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She decides that Sexy Time is the best time to rest her head on mommy’s shoulder and insist on getting Lovey Time For Alice.

And Crissy is getting rawther frustrated because it’s not like Crissy is one for having the Sexy Time all the time but Jeezus does it suck when the more than willing handyman with the all the right tools is only two feet away from her and yet cannot fix her situation.

And it’s not like Crissy can rub one out either because again,

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Hi!!!

Crissy is getting ready to hump her co-workers (you’ve been warned Lynn-e) or her desk chair or the UPS delivery guy.

ANYTHING.

Crissy must find some way to solve her little problem before she does something unfortunate.

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26 comments

  1. Before any of them are able to get in your room, lock the door, have quick sexy time and then you can let them back in.

    Or are they usually in there before you even make it to your bedroom?

  2. Oh God, are you going to hump my leg AGAIN? Jesus. Meet me in the men’s room tomorrow around 9:30 and I’ll see what I can do. The UPS guy is still trying to recover from the last time you tried to get at his “package”. Check out my new layout if you can take your hands out of your pants for a moment.

  3. I will send Dingo Girl over to give Alice some Sexy Time etiquette lessons. Whenever Mr. Dingo and I have Sexy Time, Dingo Girl huffs in disgust and then hides under the bed until it’s all over. Hey! Maybe she can teach Girlfriend to do the same!

  4. Girlfriend has GOT to be just the cutest little thing ever! What a cutie pie! Although she’s really got to stop w/ the cock blocking. How rude. 🙂

    We taught our dog to get off the bed the second the “handyman” is on the move to jump me. He’s trained very well in that department thankfully.

  5. I was going to say that you guys could do it in the shower, but then I remembered you guys have had some pretty bad close calls in the shower so maybe keep it out of there too.

  6. Girlfriend is *very* cute.

    This cock blocking has to stop, though.

    At least my dogs observe the “two at a time” rule on the bed. If both me and the BF are on the bed, they won’t even attempt to climb up.

  7. I think you need a mommy and daddy day where EVERYONE (including the pets) is banned from the house. One day. One afternoon even.

    Also, those pictures are ADORABLE.

  8. LMAO too funny. Add 2 more kids and another cat to the mix and that’s our “blockers”. Try doing the deed with teenagers on the other side of the wall :OX

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