Oh My God Queefs.
Crissy bled money this weekend.
Like, seriously.
She got her hair did on Friday which was like a millionty hundred monies and then she got a bunch of new Mary Kay products from Rachel (hey Rach! Love the new Pink Shimmer!) and she spent plenty on that stuff too and then as if she hadn’t spent enough money on her head she decided to spend even more on her feet.
So she bought a couple of pairs of shoes too.
Oh, and she bought 3 new bras for her tits.
All super cute.
And then on Sunday all the Crissys went to Target for all the bullshit stuff you go to Target for, only to come out with 10 additional bullshit things that seemed like a good idea at the time.
But Crissy loves places like Target and Wal-Mart at Christmas time because they have so many goofy things that make The Perfect Gift and so what she’s going to do this year like she did last year but none of you read it is go through the aisles and pick out her “Crissyspage Best Christmas Gifts for 2008.”
Here are last year’s picks for those of you who aren’t Mister, Rachel, Lynne, or Crissy’s sister-in-law, Cya, who no longer reads Crissy’s blog. Seems to be the trend of late…
Seriously. Where did everybody go?
It’s just us now.
Anyway,
Mister saw a couple of great stocking stuffers like this:
A vibrating condom.
Huh?
If anyone has tried this, Crissy would like the full report.
Crissy worries about how technology seems to be invading everything. What’s next? Self inserting tampons? With a buzzer that goes off when it’s time for a change?
Actually, that’s a great idea. Somebody get on that.
And Crissy is wondering what Mister was doing in the condom aisle. Crissy and Mister haven’t used one of those bad boys in 13 years. Crissy worries that it might have something to do with this picture because you know how slutty Chinese transvestites are:
That’s Mister and aznman of comments section fame this past Halloween. This is what the nerds in the Network and Telecommunications department do with their time. If your email is down it’s because they’re dressing up in costumes and playing grab ass in the hallway.
Just so you know.
Also he found this:
It’s nut glaze.
Crissy just loves a good glazed nut.
They’re breathtaking.
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November 10th, 2008 at 8:53 AM
Vibrating condoms? I wouldn’t trust em…
November 10th, 2008 at 9:10 AM
I’d be too scared to try a vibrating condom. It’s probably like those self-warming ones that burn.
November 10th, 2008 at 9:16 AM
Ben- Me neither.
Jac- THEY HAVE WARMING ONES TOO???? Where have I been?
November 10th, 2008 at 9:27 AM
Is Mister holding the self-inserting tampon remote control?
November 10th, 2008 at 9:34 AM
Nope. That’s to the vibrator in aznman’s panties.
November 10th, 2008 at 10:28 AM
i can’t decide on which nut glaze to pick up… cinnamon or toffee?
November 10th, 2008 at 10:29 AM
I just got a veeery scary image in my head of what our IT people are probably doing when they should be getting Outlook to work.
I knew they were up to something!
November 10th, 2008 at 10:33 AM
condoms…..vibrate????
Um, I’mjustgoingtogobuymesomebananasdon’twaitup!!!!!
November 10th, 2008 at 11:04 AM
November 10th, 2008 at 11:10 AM
I hate how they put the condoms by all the fem products…if anything they should be in a manly area…
like next to the power tools or some shit.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:16 AM
Mmm…I love me some Target. It’s safe to say I’m there at least once every weekend I’m not in the city.
Thanks for the helpful shopping tips!
November 10th, 2008 at 11:20 AM
Imagine how the vibrating condom in the pocket would totally give away what is hoped for at the end of a nice date - um, is that a vibrating condom in your pocket or are you just happy to see me???
As for the self-inserted tampons - I don’t need Big Brother invading THAT area of my life just yet. LOL
November 10th, 2008 at 11:27 AM
im still here!
and i request a pic of the new HOH please!
November 10th, 2008 at 11:27 AM
Did you know that things start on fire in surgery all the time? I don’t know why that came to mind, but the thought of a vibrating condom suddenly bursting into flames in my vagina? Does not make me happy.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:34 AM
I’m intrigued by these vibrating condoms. I think I’m going to have to open one of those bad boys up, just to see what all the fuss is about.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:35 AM
Vibrating condoms? So I don’t have to do ANY work? Sign me up.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:37 AM
I’ve SEEN those vibrating condoms. I’m unsure how they work. I’ve asked Jakki, and she’s TRIED to explain, but I still don’t get it.
nobody else has asked, so I’ll be my usual nosy self….why doesn’t your sister-in-law read your blog anymore?
I buy that cheap assed makeup the day after Christmas. I like the brushes……I’m a mineral makeup girl, and wow…I use ALOT of brushes…..mainly for eye shadow, because despite the buffing and tapping? The dark colors really stay in the shadow brush, and like my food, I don’t like my makeup colors to mix. I’m a tad bit anal like that. I give the makeup to my friends that have little girls and let THEM put on the rosy shades of rouge and coral lipstick. It’s fun to watch, and then leave. Quickly.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:55 AM
I want to take Ken shopping next time Ari wants to go. That way we can walk around and find stuff to laugh at while she looks at clothes. Is that cool with you?
November 10th, 2008 at 12:36 PM
I think you should test out the vibrating condom and give us a full report. I’m curious, but it scares me.
November 10th, 2008 at 12:41 PM
Nut glaze? Um. What does one do with nut glaze?
November 10th, 2008 at 12:48 PM
a) tried it, wasn’t impressed with the vibrating condom, just weird
b) mister, shouldn’t crissy get to choose flavor of the glazed nuts? just asking….
November 10th, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Neth- Toffee. Hands down.
Marie- Oh they SO. ARE.
Rachel M- Let me know how they work out!
Neth- Thanks for the video.
Matt- Chicks buy condoms too! Don’t you think it ironic that they keep them next to the pregnancy tests?
stealthnerd- I heart Target in a way that’s not even right.
Narm- I’ll send you some.
Shelly- The brushes are nice? Really? Huh.
Chris- Absolutely. As long as it’s okay if Ari and I roll our eyes at you two fools.
Megkathleen- You first!
Lynne- You put it on your nuts you silly woman!
November 10th, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Steph- THANK YOU! So no big deal huh? That’s pretty much what I figured.
November 10th, 2008 at 12:55 PM
I will have to watch that video later, but I think it’s a superb idea and reminds me of my favorite vibrator — the dolphin.
Sorry, can’t be too graphic this morning, the three year old is next to me and while he can’t read, I don’t want my naughty thoughts polluting his brain.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:13 PM
I spent a kazillion monies this weekend too. On basically the same exact things as you! Hair, check. Target, check. Bra, check. Old Navy, check. Oops.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:17 PM
glazed nuts make me giggle.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:32 PM
Brushes? Not great, but they do the job….instead of spending a gazillion dollars per brush for the baressentuals ones……it works.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:00 PM
Melissa- It’s probably too late…
Kellie- I didn’t get to go to Old Navy but I wanted to!
Deutlich- Me too! tee-hee.
Shelly- btw, my sister-in-law doesn’t read my blog anymore because she is very busy and important and does not have time for such things. Also, Mary Kay makes very nice brushes for a good price. I’ve had mine for 4 years and they’re still perfect. Email me for Rachel’s contact info.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:20 PM
Vibrating condoms and nut glaze and Mr. posting videos. Why not of it in action? Just leave us to our imaginations, huh? (perhaps it’s better that way)
November 10th, 2008 at 4:32 PM
truth is always stranger than fiction, joe.
November 10th, 2008 at 6:33 PM
“Crissy just loves a good glazed nut.
They’re breathtaking.”
‘And so tasty, too! Just like candy!’
November 10th, 2008 at 8:21 PM
Glazed nuts make the trifecta!
Ken’s Glazed Nuts
Chef’s Salty Chocolate Balls
and lest we forget the best…”Schwetty Balls”
Damn, I hate when you guess your gifts early!
ps–thanks for pimpin’ me!
November 11th, 2008 at 4:20 AM
Now I know EXACTLY what to get my hairdresser to make up for my indiscretion.
And nut glaze? Dude, like WHAT?
You crazy Americans, next you are going to tell me you bake sweet potatoes and put like, marshmallows or something on them….
November 11th, 2008 at 9:24 AM
I’ve tried it… it’s weird. I don’t know how else to describe it.
November 11th, 2008 at 10:54 AM
haven;t used the badboys in a while as well… but…
I am quite sure you’ll tell us aren’t u????
waiting FULL report!!!!!
lol!!!!
November 11th, 2008 at 1:52 PM
How am I supposed to start my day?
November 11th, 2008 at 3:22 PM
Yeah. WTF?
November 11th, 2008 at 5:26 PM
Well I think I’d probably try one! I may have to do that and provide the report!