A Crissyspage Special Report: Crotch Rot Strikes Schmuckytown Library Employees

Crissy has been noticing lately that her crotchals are a tad, well, how can she say this and still maintain her spotless reputation as a proper lady?




And Crissy vowed to maybe lay off her Rabbit a little bit and see how we do but then a couple of her little friends at the library approached her as she was leaving the ladies room and said

“psssst! Is your crotch itchy?”

And Crissy said “why yes, yes it is come to think of it!” and then Crissy reached down and gave her delicates a bit of a how’s your mother for added effect.

And then Lynne (of course Lynne was involved!) rubbed her fronts on the locker handles.

And then Crissy rubbed hers on the corner.

And then we decided that a call to the Facilities Manager, who happens to be a woman thank sweet baby jeezus, was indeed necessary. Why would at least five of Schmuckytown Public Library’s finest employees have the crotch rot at the same time if it wasn’t due to an inferior brand of toilet tissue?

Girl parts are delicate and should always be caressed by rose petals.

It cannot possibly be that we are all using our Rabbits a little too much can it?

Well, of course it can but let’s pretend the five of us delicate flowers are NOT actually dirty sluts and just say it’s the TP.


And so now we’re going around whipering “how’s your twat?” just to see if it’s just us or if anyone else is having an issue with the tissue.

Crissy thinks this pussying about and whispering around is a waste of time and we should just make an announcement over the PA:

“Attention library employees. Will anyone with an itchy snatch please report to the break room please? Itchy snatchs to the breakroom. Thank you.”

And do you Queefs know what the Facilities Manager’s response was when we told her of our situation?

“I haven’t switched brands in years. Maybe you just need to shave or wax. Do a touch up. What do you want me to do? Call my supplier and tell him that my girls have itchy twidgets? He’ll probably offer to come over and inspect.”

And so as it turns out the answer is not in the TP at all. Now there’s a rumor that someone has herpes and we all caught it from her from using the same toilet.

Crissy is going to go with that theory. Crissy smells a witch hunt!


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  1. Maybe the brands haven’t been switched but they’ve cut some corners down at the ol’ TP factory and are now using prickly pears or nettles to manufacture the TP.

    Tell Ms. Facilities Manager that she will need to stock sporks and a soothing lotion until the crisis passes.

  2. I think Ms Facilities Manager isn’t managing your personal facilities very well. I think she has a secret vendetta against all your girls and threw some iching powder in with the TP.

  3. Did she really say itchy twidgets? I say keep some of your own TP and ceremoniously haul it out and annouce that you’re taking your own TP to the bathroom with you so that the people visiting the library think something’s up and start to complain.

  4. This was awesome.

    The mental image of you and Lynne “rubbing your fronts” on stuff is hilarious.

    Also, please don’t infect my blog with your itchy crotch.

  5. well thanks, i think i will now bring my own container of bleach wipes & carry them back & forth each time i visit the bathroom at work….& i will be referred to as “monk” (again).

    crotch rot is no fun, shared crotch rot is no fun for anyone!

  6. It’s definitely the TP. I think it’s made from recycled poison ivy or something. It’s hysterical that you wrote about this. I think you should ask the octagenarians if their twidgets are itchy.

  7. Oh. My. God. Where has your blog been all my life? This is some funny shite.

    In other news, I believe you when you say it’s either the TP or someone running around with the clap. Witch hunts are the best hunts.

  8. I laughed so much then that a little bit of wee came out 🙂

    Granted – that isn’t an irregular problem when laughing after two pregnancies and labours but still… this was pretty funny 🙂

    I may have to go to work tomorrow and ask people if they have an itchy twat just for the sake of it 🙂

    Or would that make me weird???

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