Crissy has been noticing lately that her crotchals are a tad, well, how can she say this and still maintain her spotless reputation as a proper lady?
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!
Ahem…
Raw?
And Crissy vowed to maybe lay off her Rabbit a little bit and see how we do but then a couple of her little friends at the library approached her as she was leaving the ladies room and said
“psssst! Is your crotch itchy?”
And Crissy said “why yes, yes it is come to think of it!” and then Crissy reached down and gave her delicates a bit of a how’s your mother for added effect.
And then Lynne (of course Lynne was involved!) rubbed her fronts on the locker handles.
And then Crissy rubbed hers on the corner.
And then we decided that a call to the Facilities Manager, who happens to be a woman thank sweet baby jeezus, was indeed necessary. Why would at least five of Schmuckytown Public Library’s finest employees have the crotch rot at the same time if it wasn’t due to an inferior brand of toilet tissue?
Girl parts are delicate and should always be caressed by rose petals.
It cannot possibly be that we are all using our Rabbits a little too much can it?
Well, of course it can but let’s pretend the five of us delicate flowers are NOT actually dirty sluts and just say it’s the TP.
Mmmkay?
And so now we’re going around whipering “how’s your twat?” just to see if it’s just us or if anyone else is having an issue with the tissue.
Crissy thinks this pussying about and whispering around is a waste of time and we should just make an announcement over the PA:
“Attention library employees. Will anyone with an itchy snatch please report to the break room please? Itchy snatchs to the breakroom. Thank you.”
And do you Queefs know what the Facilities Manager’s response was when we told her of our situation?
“I haven’t switched brands in years. Maybe you just need to shave or wax. Do a touch up. What do you want me to do? Call my supplier and tell him that my girls have itchy twidgets? He’ll probably offer to come over and inspect.”
And so as it turns out the answer is not in the TP at all. Now there’s a rumor that someone has herpes and we all caught it from her from using the same toilet.
Crissy is going to go with that theory. Crissy smells a witch hunt!
Weeeeeeee!!!!
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October 30th, 2008 at 8:04 AM
Kinda like the leaves - they’re changing colors, drying up, falling off. At least you can be thankful your snatch hasn’t fallen off, right!?
October 30th, 2008 at 8:40 AM
I LOVE that you used the word snatch.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:20 AM
Maybe the brands haven’t been switched but they’ve cut some corners down at the ol’ TP factory and are now using prickly pears or nettles to manufacture the TP.
Tell Ms. Facilities Manager that she will need to stock sporks and a soothing lotion until the crisis passes.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:26 AM
oh my god. haha! she really said twidgets? i love her. i hope your babymaker feels better asap.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:26 AM
I think Ms Facilities Manager isn’t managing your personal facilities very well. I think she has a secret vendetta against all your girls and threw some iching powder in with the TP.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Is that even possible?
October 30th, 2008 at 10:04 AM
I LOVE witch hunts at work! Especially, if I start them.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:33 AM
Did she really say itchy twidgets? I say keep some of your own TP and ceremoniously haul it out and annouce that you’re taking your own TP to the bathroom with you so that the people visiting the library think something’s up and start to complain.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:37 AM
Omg. This is the perfect post for me since I just went to the lady doctor for my annual, so I’ve got er, twidgets on the brain.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:45 AM
This was awesome.
The mental image of you and Lynne “rubbing your fronts” on stuff is hilarious.
Also, please don’t infect my blog with your itchy crotch.
October 30th, 2008 at 11:05 AM
Do witch hunts smell like itchy twidgets?
October 30th, 2008 at 11:32 AM
well thanks, i think i will now bring my own container of bleach wipes & carry them back & forth each time i visit the bathroom at work….& i will be referred to as “monk” (again).
crotch rot is no fun, shared crotch rot is no fun for anyone!
October 30th, 2008 at 11:41 AM
It’s true a lady’s sensitive bits should only be touched by rose petals.
I hate public restrooms.
October 30th, 2008 at 11:41 AM
It’s definitely the TP. I think it’s made from recycled poison ivy or something. It’s hysterical that you wrote about this. I think you should ask the octagenarians if their twidgets are itchy.
October 30th, 2008 at 12:24 PM
Itchy twidgets. Teehee. Hmmm…so I guess it must be that you all are overdoing the rabbits. Those librarians - they are dirty.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:42 PM
Oh. My. God. Where has your blog been all my life? This is some funny shite.
In other news, I believe you when you say it’s either the TP or someone running around with the clap. Witch hunts are the best hunts.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:46 PM
i need to put special salve on your itchy parts.
also, i agree with chris: the idea of you and lynne dry humping various objects around the library is just flat out hot.
October 30th, 2008 at 5:12 PM
Don’t be offended, but if I ever visit your house I’m not touching anything with a corner…..
October 30th, 2008 at 6:15 PM
My twidget is lonely. And it has nothing to do with Kiala leaving.
October 30th, 2008 at 6:16 PM
I laughed so much then that a little bit of wee came out
Granted - that isn’t an irregular problem when laughing after two pregnancies and labours but still… this was pretty funny
I may have to go to work tomorrow and ask people if they have an itchy twat just for the sake of it
Or would that make me weird???
October 30th, 2008 at 6:41 PM
This is amazing.
I have the same problem.
I think it’s because of a bad waxing incident.
Sigh. Poor twidget.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:16 PM
My pricklet is lonely, too.
October 31st, 2008 at 6:42 AM
Will definitely be sharing this post far and wide. Fabulous.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:15 PM
Oh, another job to long for, itchy twidgets inspector. I can at least apprentice first, no? (when can I come by?)