You know what Crissy hates?
Crissy hates it when she’s awake at 3:00 am being a Nervous Nelly, a Doubting Thomas, a Debbie Downer, a Worry Wart (Crissy hates that expression. It’s gross.) and she has to lay there listening to her bedmates, Mister, Alice and Big Pussy, just doing nighty nights without a care in the world.
And Alice is all “snork, snork, oink!”
And Big Pussy is all “puuuuuuuurrrrrrrr, puuuuuuuuurrrrrr, puuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr.”
And Mister is all “Hooonnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkk.”
And it makes Crissy feel just a little bitter and resentful and homicidal because they’re sleeping and she’s up worrying about Aliens and anal probing and writing ridiculous blog posts in her head exactly like this one and things like that and they’re not and she is very, very tempted to be like
“OH MY GOD!!! FIRE! FIRE!!! WAKE! UP!”
And then when they wake up all panicked and stuff Crissy will play innocent and say “What? I was asleep this whole time. I didn’t say anything.”
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Good luck getting back to sleep ASSHOLES.
Similar Posts:
October 28th, 2008 at 7:07 AM
Ha! Hey man it’s my philosophy that if I’m not getting a good night’s sleep then no one around me is either.
October 28th, 2008 at 7:10 AM
I dish out many a late-night elbow to the ribs and then pretend it was the dog. A victimless crime! Well, except for the newf. He’s pretty much the victim every time.
October 28th, 2008 at 7:13 AM
I’m with Ben….I wake Mr. Perfectly up at all hours and make him investigate mysterious sounds and smells (I SMELL SMOKE)…..he HATES it.
His favorite is when I’ve been watching Ghost Hunters, then hear noises in the basement at 2:30, and make HIM get up to face the ghosts. I find his patience to be endearing, but somehow, I don’t think he agrees.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:43 AM
As a child I used to do exactly that (it was usually fire or a dinosaur attack). Or wake up my younger brother with promises of playing lots of fun games, then retreat to the top bunk to read, alone.
I’ve never liked being the only one awake.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:46 AM
c’mon, it’s not MY fault i sleep soundly.
the 4 beers might have had something to do with it, i’ll admit, but i generally sleep pretty hard.
don’t worry, wifey.. you’ll get out of this funk soon.
-me
(btw, if you pull my fire alarm you’d better be ready for an anal probing.)
October 28th, 2008 at 9:03 AM
You ARE going to do it in the Beavis voice, right?
October 28th, 2008 at 9:09 AM
omg, you are so evil. and i’m with narm, i read that in beavis’ voice.
October 28th, 2008 at 10:04 AM
what disturbs me is when I wake up to Big Pussy in my face cuddling for warmth….if I played for THAT team I might think differently.
October 28th, 2008 at 10:30 AM
I have woken people up before with shit I have said/screamed WHILE ASLEEP… so it is entirely possible that were you to have a bedmate-waking outburst that you would just blissfully sleep right through it as your bedmates try to get comfy again and get back to sleep. (Evil Grin)
October 28th, 2008 at 10:58 AM
Someone needs to worry about anal probing.
they will thank you someday.
October 28th, 2008 at 11:01 AM
You stay up writing blog posts in your head, too?
Thank god it’s not just me.
October 28th, 2008 at 11:51 AM
I thought I was crazy because I HATE when everyonne else is asleep and I can’t. So happy to know I’m not alone in the world…
October 28th, 2008 at 11:58 AM
Maybe coffee (aka hookers and blow) before bed isnt such a good thing?
October 28th, 2008 at 12:02 PM
This would be why I take lots and lots and lots of sleeping pills.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:16 PM
I stay up all night blogging in my head too! But then I can never remember what they were about in the morning.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:45 PM
I figured this happened, I just wasn’t positive until now.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:52 PM
You know, I actually had to yell that one night–it was the only way to wake Boo up. Granted, there wasn’t an ACTUAL fire, but there was smoke and that was close and now I know that when I can’t sleep I can just tell him I think the house is burning down again.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:55 PM
Don’t worry about the aliens. They’ve decided never to invade us because they think we humans are just too insane.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:02 PM
I get pissed when the BF is snoring and then gets all indignent when I wake him up. He thinks I do it so I won’t have to be awake alone, but I know it’s because I don’t want to be awake. Period.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:31 PM
I spent last night awake and terrified of the critter scurrying around in our attic. (At least I hope it is a critter and not a ghost, hobo, or killer.) Meanwhile, I should have been afraid of the house burning down in my sleep. Turns out I left a candle burning in the living room ALL NIGHT. That is rule number one in my paranoid mother’s house. No candles! I’m beginning to understand why…
P.S. Andrew snores and I am not above elbowing him in the ribs up to five times each night.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:24 PM
Oh, another positive for living in Vegas - all the houses are on slabs (no basement, what, no freeze so no need to keep the pipes warm) so there is no place for the ghosts to hide. We send them all east to you guys.
October 28th, 2008 at 5:27 PM
Steve and Arch both snore. I get your resentment.
Also, THANK YOU!!!
October 28th, 2008 at 6:09 PM
Think about what a great blog entry you would have if you ever did this and videotaped it! Just saying.
October 28th, 2008 at 10:33 PM
My cat does this to me!!! He wakes me up like a freak and then pretends to be asleep.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:56 AM
Last night it was hubby coughing for 20 minutes at 1:30 am until I got up and got him the cough syrup. I had to wake him up to make him take it. He was literally coughing in his sleep and NOT EVEN WAKING UP. Batard! No chicken soup for you today.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:56 PM
Wow. I never thought in my life I would find someone as off the wall as you are. Absolutely hilarious (thoroughly enjoyed the halloween post). I can only hope I can slightly touch your comedic genius.