FIRE!!! FIRE!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

You know what Crissy hates?

Crissy hates it when she’s awake at 3:00 am being a Nervous Nelly, a Doubting Thomas, a Debbie Downer, a Worry Wart (Crissy hates that expression. It’s gross.) and she has to lay there listening to her bedmates, Mister, Alice and Big Pussy, just doing nighty nights without a care in the world.

And Alice is all “snork, snork, oink!”

And Big Pussy is all “puuuuuuuurrrrrrrr, puuuuuuuuurrrrrr, puuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr.”

And Mister is all “Hooonnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkk.”

And it makes Crissy feel just a little bitter and resentful and homicidal because they’re sleeping and she’s up worrying about Aliens and anal probing and writing ridiculous blog posts in her head exactly like this one and things like that and they’re not and she is very, very tempted to be like


And then when they wake up all panicked and stuff Crissy will play innocent and say “What? I was asleep this whole time. I didn’t say anything.”

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Good luck getting back to sleep ASSHOLES.

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  1. I dish out many a late-night elbow to the ribs and then pretend it was the dog. A victimless crime! Well, except for the newf. He’s pretty much the victim every time.

  2. I’m with Ben….I wake Mr. Perfectly up at all hours and make him investigate mysterious sounds and smells (I SMELL SMOKE)…..he HATES it.

    His favorite is when I’ve been watching Ghost Hunters, then hear noises in the basement at 2:30, and make HIM get up to face the ghosts. I find his patience to be endearing, but somehow, I don’t think he agrees.

  3. As a child I used to do exactly that (it was usually fire or a dinosaur attack). Or wake up my younger brother with promises of playing lots of fun games, then retreat to the top bunk to read, alone.

    I’ve never liked being the only one awake.

  4. c’mon, it’s not MY fault i sleep soundly.

    the 4 beers might have had something to do with it, i’ll admit, but i generally sleep pretty hard.

    don’t worry, wifey.. you’ll get out of this funk soon.


    (btw, if you pull my fire alarm you’d better be ready for an anal probing.)

  5. what disturbs me is when I wake up to Big Pussy in my face cuddling for warmth….if I played for THAT team I might think differently.

  6. I have woken people up before with shit I have said/screamed WHILE ASLEEP… so it is entirely possible that were you to have a bedmate-waking outburst that you would just blissfully sleep right through it as your bedmates try to get comfy again and get back to sleep. (Evil Grin)

  7. I thought I was crazy because I HATE when everyonne else is asleep and I can’t. So happy to know I’m not alone in the world…

  8. You know, I actually had to yell that one night–it was the only way to wake Boo up. Granted, there wasn’t an ACTUAL fire, but there was smoke and that was close and now I know that when I can’t sleep I can just tell him I think the house is burning down again.

  9. I get pissed when the BF is snoring and then gets all indignent when I wake him up. He thinks I do it so I won’t have to be awake alone, but I know it’s because I don’t want to be awake. Period.

  10. I spent last night awake and terrified of the critter scurrying around in our attic. (At least I hope it is a critter and not a ghost, hobo, or killer.) Meanwhile, I should have been afraid of the house burning down in my sleep. Turns out I left a candle burning in the living room ALL NIGHT. That is rule number one in my paranoid mother’s house. No candles! I’m beginning to understand why…

    P.S. Andrew snores and I am not above elbowing him in the ribs up to five times each night.

  11. Oh, another positive for living in Vegas – all the houses are on slabs (no basement, what, no freeze so no need to keep the pipes warm) so there is no place for the ghosts to hide. We send them all east to you guys.

  12. Last night it was hubby coughing for 20 minutes at 1:30 am until I got up and got him the cough syrup. I had to wake him up to make him take it. He was literally coughing in his sleep and NOT EVEN WAKING UP. Batard! No chicken soup for you today.

  13. Wow. I never thought in my life I would find someone as off the wall as you are. Absolutely hilarious (thoroughly enjoyed the halloween post). I can only hope I can slightly touch your comedic genius.

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