So yesterday Crissy drops Girlfriend off at The Sandbox Preschool and there’s this bitchmom with a baby in a carrier and Girlfreind goes over, stands on her tippy toes to peek into the carrier and says “Oh your baby is soooo cute!” and the bitchmom whips the carrier away and says “Don’t put your face near her face! She’s had two colds already this year!” And girlfriend sort of just looked like…”huh?” And Crissy was present for the whole exchange and can say with 100% certainty that Girlfriend’s face did not come anywhere near bitchmom’s baby’s face and so WHAT THE FUCK WAS HER FUCKING PROBLEM?
And Crissy almost said “and you don’t think YOUR OWN PRESCHOOLER might have given her baby sister those colds?”
Nay, nay.
It must have been OTHER PEOPLE’S FILTHY CHILDREN.
And Crissy was so mad that she was very, very tempted to grab girlfriend and ram the mommy down in the street with her car thusly:
Crissy thinks that would have fixed her wagon quite handily.
And yesterday was Picture Day and this woman’s kid was wearing some sort of sweatsuit dress type of thing with lace sewed onto it. It was fugly and Crissy is wondering what kind of asshole does that to a little child on picture day?
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October 23rd, 2008 at 7:07 AM
You know, you should’ve told bitchmom that you are concerned about Girlfriend catching a case of the uglies from her and her evil spawn. Because god knows that dressing a child in a sweatshirt lace thingy must have been the result of some deteriorating brain disease. Like mad cow.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:11 AM
Dingo-Ha, ha, ha! Mad cow. I think next time I see her I’m going to cough on the baby and tell the mom I have TB.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:38 AM
I hope doing it Barbie-style was as satisfying for you as it was for me.
I’m not talking about this post.
HEYO!
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:07 AM
Oh my goodness what a dumbass. I mean if it was her first maybe cause of the germaphobe first parent-itis thing but second child? Get a grip!
XOXO
Have a great day!
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 AM
OMG. The Ketchup/blood is fantastic.
I would have totally said something to the mom though - what a psycho.
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:52 AM
People are dicks.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:19 AM
Ben- You’re feeling frisky this morning!
Kaci- Oh I know it! What is wrong with her?
Leah- I’ll have you know that that is real, authentic Barbie blood.
Portia- Oh they so are. I hate them.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:21 AM
How rude. How could anyone be mean to Girlfriend? She’s so cute!
By the way, wander over to my blog. I posted a little something for you (it’s at the end of the most recent post).
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:28 AM
lace and sweats? shudder.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:44 AM
Brodie: After all he’s done to you, you should still kinda stick it to him.
T.S. Quint: How do you propose I do that?
Brodie: You stinkpalm him.
T.S. Quint: Stinkpalm?
Brodie: You take your hand and stick it in your ass like this. You been walkin’ all day and you’re nervous, so no doubt you’ll be sweaty as hell.
T.S. Quint: You should see yourself right now, a grown man with his hand down his pants.
Brodie: Yeah i probably look like my old man. So you shake hands with the guy, “Hello Mr. Svenning how have you been?”
T.S. Quint: Whats the point?
Brodie: You know how long it takes for that smell to come off? Scrub all you want, it’ll stick around for at least two days. How does he explain it to his colleagues and family? They’ll think he doesn’t know how to wipe his ass properly.
T.S. Quint: Meanwhile you yourself are left with a hand that smells like shit.
Brodie: Small price to pay for the smiting of one’s enemies.
^^^^^ that’s what you do next time…
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:45 AM
Very realistic reenactment. I wouldn’t mind seeing these more often.
As for the lace jogging suit or whatever…. just wrong.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 AM
I have the opposite problem at my preschool. Those parents bring their kids in filthy. The teacher requires a lot of hand washing during class…..
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:49 AM
I love Barbie violence. It’s what makes you, Crissy. Even more than the third person.
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:57 AM
I would have told her and I quote…”Go F*ck yourself you douchebag and your kid is ugly”
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 AM
LMAO bad girl!
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 AM
Kids get sick because they eat dirt and shit like that.
obviously that mommy hasnt gotten any dick since the 90’s.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:56 PM
Augh, what a bitch. I WOULD have run her down!
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 PM
The barbie re-enactment was amazing! And aren’t you supposed to let babies get sick to build their immunity?!
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 PM
You’re like the badass lioness protecting her cubs on the Discovery channel.
The badass lioness with a blog, though.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:00 PM
We will hope for the child’s sake it was laundry day or something and Bitchmom just had no other alternative.
Yeah, coughing toward the baby and then saying to Girlfriend “C’mon sweetie, Mommy doesn’t want to be late for her SARS test” would be cool.
Loved the Barbie re-enactment! The Barbie Blood was a cool extra touch!
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:02 PM
Oh my, the Crissy is really turning into the Bossy with Barbie reinactments, with thought balloons and everything.
Congratulations (I think).
I still think you’re the hottest blogging momma oh Queen.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:11 PM
Next time just say, “Thank you so much! I worry about what my little girl can catch from these filthy sickly babies, too!”
And more Barbie blood, please.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:28 PM
joeinvegas, the barbie reenactments are hardly a new thing–iirc they made their debut on march 26th in the Storytime Smackdown.
so maybe bossy is copying crissy?
either way, bossy is pretty good company… much better than #2!
ken
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:46 PM
Why are people such bitches? At least you know her kids will never have any friends - not with an ugly dress like that.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:48 PM
OMG, check this out - I hope the link thingy works, but when I saw it I thought this is what you needed after your encounter with bitch mom from hell. Which, if we lived in the same town, I’d almost guess was my former coworker. She didn’t have young kids, but she wore sweatpants to the office frequently. She’s an attorney. Who wears sweatpants to work. Yeah. So I could just see her dressing her kid in some sweatsuit dress thing on picture day and thinking it appropriate.
So here’s that link: http://www.foundshit.com/cafe-mocha-to-go/
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:54 PM
Am I the only one who thinks a sweatshirt dress thing sounds super comfy?
Never mind. It must be the drugs talking.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:35 AM
What a biatch! You should have walked over and coughed right in the moms face.
October 24th, 2008 at 9:40 AM
what a f’king bitch.
i bet girlfriend looked absolutely adorable. sweatsuit dress? get a clue.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Yeah Barbies!
Too bad that bitchface mommy is going to catch a serious case of the “ran the fuck overs.”
October 24th, 2008 at 12:12 PM
We should start out own preschool. It’ll have a stripper pole and cocktails. And a separate room with a locked door for the children.
October 24th, 2008 at 3:51 PM
The Barbies are back! I how excited the Girlfriend doll is. She’s all “RUN HER OVER MOMMY! RUN HER OVER!”
October 24th, 2008 at 3:54 PM
your barbie photography is TOO good….srsly
October 25th, 2008 at 11:55 AM
What an ignorant b*tch.
October 26th, 2008 at 2:06 PM
Is she for real? Get her back. You may have to wait for the perfect time, but I have faith that the perfect time will present itself.
Perhaps dress Girlfriend up like her oldest but zombiefied for Halloween and mention that it “just came to you”?
October 30th, 2008 at 2:41 AM
YOU ARE A stupid elder cougar who is a lop of bo tox and bitter so cal rubbish. I hope your kids get aids and you all die in a blood transfusion while on your birthday. SLUT
]GET REAL AT http://www.weeklywishingwell.org
October 30th, 2008 at 8:39 AM
Ahh Ha Ha!!!! I love your stories! The illustrations really “drive” the point home too. LOL