There is something on the news that has been disturbing the crap out of Crissy and it’s very, very, important.
In fact, it is the most important and pressing issue on television right now and it had Crissy awake last night just a tossin’ and a turnin’ wondering what the hell she’s going to do about it if it happens because as your queen it is her job to protect her Queefs even though Crissy fully realizes that the title of QOFE is really just an honorary position and lacks any real authority beyond commanding people to make her Martinis and kiss her tiara and such.
And no.
Crissy is not talking about these assclowns being elected:
Crissy has a whole ‘nuther plan worked out if that happens. It goes something like this:
RUN!!!!!
If we all go together, Canada will have to take us.
Ahem. Anyway.
Crissy is talking about ALIENS.
And not this kind:
Crissy is talking about this kind:
And they may or may not look exactly like this, but don’t be foolish Queefs.
They’re fucking coming.
Crissy knows this because she sees reports about it on the tee-vee and everyone knows that the news people don’t lie. And it wasn’t some cornhole farmer saying “yep. I seen em’ come right there outta the sky and I says to myself ‘what in tarnation is that thang?’”
It was a British Person who said it. And he was wearing a tie.
Crissy trusts anyone with a British accent who is wearing a tie because they are smart. And the Brits sent some fighter planes to go check out the weird blinky lights and they honestly say they cannot identify what they saw, but it was something unusual.
See?
They’re coming.
And nobody is talking about it and it’s almost like nobody cares and because of that Crissy thinks she should be President.
Obama doesn’t say shit about what he plans to do about the Aliens when they come to enslave us and put probes in our butts.
We’re on our own Queefs!
And as my running mate I’m going to choose Duchovny.
Crissy has always had a thing for Duchovny.
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October 21st, 2008 at 8:04 AM
I agree– I need to know where McCain and Obama stand on alien invasions… have you seen I am Legend– I want to know what they’d do in that situation too.
It’s bound to happen.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:17 AM
I welcome aliens. They might be hot and promiscuous.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:28 AM
I recently watched a movie about Alien Abuction…Night Skies. The opening scence was of Senator John McCain. It was taken from a conference where he was actually talking about the possibility of aliens and invasions. He really believes in them.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:36 AM
i really like canada, i’m game.
oh and i forgot to tell you how friggin hot you looked in your pics yesterday - damn mommy blogger!
October 21st, 2008 at 8:50 AM
on an unrelated topic, why is mister wearing underwear today?
October 21st, 2008 at 8:56 AM
if they were already here, shouldn’t we say that they came? And they’re going to come again?
October 21st, 2008 at 9:15 AM
Dude, I would totally vote for you and Duchovny. I mean, we already know he’s addicted to sex, so no scandal there. It’s a win-win really.
October 21st, 2008 at 9:28 AM
well OF COURSE you like the british…
… they’re already used to worshiping a queen!
ps. aznman is right–i AM wearing underwear today. and it’s bothering the fuck out of me. it’s all bunched up and constricting my boys something fierce. it feels like there’s a full sized pillow wedged in there.
i really don’t think i’m gonna make it the whole day.
October 21st, 2008 at 9:30 AM
Well of course you have a thing with Duchovny. Although he has been labeled a sex addict, so play throughs would probably not be allowed.
October 21st, 2008 at 9:59 AM
I think Duchovny would be the perfect running mate. Being the sex addict that he is, I’m sure he has vast experience with anal probes.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:37 AM
Not Canada, Mexico. Better beaches and cheaper drinks. Vamanos!
October 21st, 2008 at 10:44 AM
Wait, so the people in the very first picture are NOT aliens?! You’re saying they are HUMAN?! Ack!
October 21st, 2008 at 10:59 AM
Every time I was MiB, I wish there were really aliens. Maybe they could hook us up with some teleportation technology.
I hate driving.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:59 AM
…by “was,” I mean “watch.”
My bad.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:59 AM
I’d take aliens over the idiots in that first picture. Even the kind that burst out of your chest.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:59 PM
Would you all think it’s weird if I said Ducovny was a little bit hotter after his whole sex addiction situation? I mean I DON’T THINK THAT, but what if I did…
October 21st, 2008 at 1:07 PM
I think the bigger question is whether or not we should give drivers’ licenses to these aliens.
Look at her head in that first photo. Sarah Palien, anyone? Come on. Her spawn are named Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig. Her self-proclaimed favorite meal is moose stew. Look it up.
Palien? Absolutely!
October 21st, 2008 at 1:09 PM
would you all think it’s weird if i said melissa lion was a little bit hotter after she suggested ducovny was a little bit hotter because he’s a recovering sex addict?
i mean I DON’T THINK THAT, but what if i did…
October 21st, 2008 at 3:28 PM
I would help Duchovny recover…if by recover you mean have sex until he was too tired to do it anymore
October 21st, 2008 at 3:34 PM
I have to start making my safety shelter in the back yard! I’ll throw some Reeces Pieces across the street. I hear aliens love them.
October 21st, 2008 at 3:49 PM
How did you find out Ken was wearing unders aznman? Did I miss something?
October 21st, 2008 at 4:36 PM
don’t worry, k8.. i took them off before lunchtime. couldn’t stand ‘em!
October 21st, 2008 at 4:39 PM
I’m fairly certain that the folks in the first pic are really aliens (and not the good kind) who have ever intent of turning all of us into mindless Joe the Plumbers…
I will write in my vote for the Crissy/Duchovny team. At least we’d know right off the bat that there would be lots of kink goin’ on in the White House (and could probably count on it being aired in weekly broadcasts on the QOFE Channel!) I, personally, look forward to the press corps trying to figure out what to do with the pantsless Mister pictures that would inevitably ensue!
October 21st, 2008 at 4:51 PM
Who HASN’T had a thing for Duchovny?!
That Moulder was a lucky lady…
October 21st, 2008 at 4:54 PM
British people with ties would never lie to us.
I’m writing you in on my ballot
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:25 AM
My god…the hair on Palin’s head HAS to be from another solar system. She’s probably contacting the mothership from a satellite implanted in her “up-do.”
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:03 PM
i have a thing for british people in ties…well but they have to be from the 80’s british invasion. and…from a band…particularly duran duran…and particularly simon le bon or jon taylor. and they have british accents and wear ties so…they probably don’t lie.
did i just ramble? on my first visit here? oops…sorry.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 PM
this is one of the funniest posts I’ve read today….lol I love that you drink martinis and lush it up like me. My drink of choice is a cosmo or appletini on the rocks but check my out crissy on http://www.thecocktailcafe.com. I can’t wait to read more.
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:42 PM
with those two masters degrees, agent Mulder is probably a more sensible choice than McCain or Obaba, lol
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:56 AM
I did tell you about what 4 of us saw in Westport one night last august, did’nt I? And no it wasn’t the Guatemalans. The’re all legal.(I think)