Yesterday Crissy was in quite a tear indeed. After waking up late at the glorious hour of 7:00AM(!!!!) the entire household was thrown into a panic to get out of the house on time. It was chaos.
And Crissy was running late having packed two lunches and making two breakfasts and getting herself and Girlfriend showered, dressed, peed, and out the door for school and work.
Crissy drove like the wind to the Sandbox Preschool to drop Girlfriend off and as she turned the corner near the school she realized she was going nowhere fast because before her sat a big, big, gigantic YUKON blocking the street.
So Crissy waited.
And she waited.
tick-tock…
Some of us have a J-O-B to get to Cock Knocker!
Move your fucking pig!
And do you know what the fucking hold up was Queefs?
Some fucktard, some assclown, some dickweed, was blocking the street because he wanted a parking spot RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL. The rest of the street was totally clear. Plenty of parking spots for everyone but this fuck face decided that he couldn’t possibly walk fifty feet to the school with little Jayden or Brayden or Caydence or whatever fucking yuppy snot name he named his fucking kid and so he decided that it was okay to block the street and sit and wait for a good spot to park his big fat hog.
And he’s not the only Dickmo in an SUV. They all have those HUGE ASS SUVS. They drive Range Rovers, Navigators, Suburbans, Yukons, Explorers, and there’s even some weird looking Mercedes abomination. And Crissy can totally see why it’s necessary to drive such a thing. Everyone knows you need the largest vehicle possible to deliver little Landon and little Ashlyn to school safely. You don’t know what could happen in the five minute trip from your house to the school.
There might be some peasants trying to cross the street and you might need to run them over so you’re not late for your busy street blocking appointment.
And so they fight to park their giant cars RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL and then when they get into the play yard they all stand around with the chitting and the chatting and block the fucking entrance to the school so that Crissy and Girlfriend have to fight their way through the crowd of mommies to get inside.
Again, some of us have J-O-B-S to get to and can’t stand around clucking like a bunch of damned hens.
Crissy is mad and she’s already fed up with the Preschool Mommies.
Crissy feels a Barbie attack coming on.
Wait for it…
It will be bloody.
Similar Posts:
- Crissy’s Week In Review
- Don’t Eff With the Effer!
- Born To Be WILD
- b-a-n-a-n-a-s
- And There Was A Parade
October 9th, 2008 at 7:55 AM
Doesn’t Yuppie Barbie come with a huge pink SUV? I think it’s a Canyonero.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:04 AM
There’s a special circle of hell reserved just for these people. Right next to the 24 homo dance party.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:34 AM
“Plenty of parking spots for everyone but this fuck face decided that he couldn’t possibly walk fifty feet to the school with little Jayden or Brayden or Caydence or whatever fucking yuppy snot name he named his fucking kid”
Love this line. It seems like everyone and their dog is naming their kids these made up names.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:08 AM
Seriously? Ok people like that annoy me. WALK. I mean, you have two legs, walk across the street. It’s not hard. Your huge car does not need to be that close to the school.
I’m excited about the barbie attack. I think it’s necessary.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:35 AM
Oh holy crap. Can you slash their tires after the Barbie attack? I’ll help. I’m little, I could infiltrate, pose as a preschooler and then, just when they are least expecting it, we’ll surprise attack them. This yuppy pretension must be stopped!
October 9th, 2008 at 9:46 AM
Take Frank next time with you and when they’re not looking., put him in their car. That’ll teach them.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:48 AM
AHH!! You are speaking to me. You are literally vomiting your words into the opening of my soul.
I hate yuppy names and I hate oversized SUV’s!! The worse is when you driving behind one that has like, 9 monitors for little Jayden to watch The Wiggles. Holy over stimulation, Batman!
October 9th, 2008 at 9:49 AM
Please, please don’t get me started on these people. I could go on forever about them. It’s not bad enough that they have the SUV but once they get out of the car, they then have the SUV of strollers. And block the sidewalk. In front of Starbucks. Hate them. Hate them all.
I’m thinking the next time you have to provide snacks for the snot-nose hordes, you make cupcakes laced with Xanax a delicious peanut butter filling.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:58 AM
I’m the same way. While I wait to pick up Diana I have to listen to the mind numbing conversations of the other moms;
“Well St. Matthews is such a nice school, really it’s worth the money. Since I have money I can spend it on lots of things, except clothes for me. I must always wear these sweatpants with mysterious stains on them and not brush my hair. Next I’ll tell you why I think my husband is having an affair….”
October 9th, 2008 at 10:03 AM
Yeah bloody barbie attack!
Boo SUVs. And Caydence. I think if those people could actually park on top of my little gas sipper they would.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:10 AM
Bring on the Barbies pleaseandthankyou. And let me just tell you, they’re alcoholics. Every.Single.One.Of.Them. And they show up to AA and can’t figure out why no one thinks they’re all that and a bag of chips. mwhahaha!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:10 AM
Oh thats just being fucking lazy…
October 9th, 2008 at 10:38 AM
Barbies and blood??? You just summed up my entire childhood.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:55 AM
South to drop off, North to pick up, MORONS!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:59 AM
And Kiala wins the prize for BEST MR. MOM REFERENCE of the day!!!!
Woot! Woot!
October 9th, 2008 at 12:42 PM
Oh dear lord I wouldn’t be able to handle it. My child would have the best vocabulary of swear words learned from listening to me bitch out the other parents.
October 9th, 2008 at 1:14 PM
make the cupcakes dingo suggests, but give them to me. fuck those spoiled kids!
October 9th, 2008 at 1:26 PM
Yuppiekill Barbie: Sparkly butcher knife sold separately.
On the plus side, they are not named Trig and Willow.
October 9th, 2008 at 1:31 PM
Probably all Republicans.
October 9th, 2008 at 2:08 PM
Ooooh, we haven’t played with Barbies in quite some time. I thought you had graduated to, you know, real people. But, if maiming and blood and gore is involved, maybe it’s best to digress to Barbies. Bring ‘em on!
October 9th, 2008 at 3:35 PM
You need to communicate with them on their level. Next time, as you approach the school, have a bullhorn with you and start to say, “I drink expensive teas with fancy names! I eat a lot of sushi! I studied abroad! I think coffee is worth five bucks a cup! Gentrification rebuilds communities!”
They will then realize that you are the QOFE and part for you and girlfriend like the red sea.
October 9th, 2008 at 6:16 PM
“AHH!! You are speaking to me. You are literally vomiting your words into the opening of my soul.”
BEST comment of the day.
October 9th, 2008 at 7:26 PM
Stoogepie has the right idea… If his “communication” doesn’t work you could start in with “I’m friends with Woodland Gays and will tell them where you live”… or “If you don’t move your SUV I’ll pay Cayden to ask Daddy why Mommy’s welcome home kisses are so salty…”
October 9th, 2008 at 10:19 PM
You should teach girlfriend to slit tires… it’s the next logical step.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:14 AM
I was at the playpark the other day and all I could think was this: “Other Mommies make me feel violent.”
October 19th, 2008 at 12:28 AM
Sooo funny! I feel this way and I currently have no J-O-B other than blog reader.