Oh my goodness Queefs yesterday was just the most glorious fall day and Girlfriend and I went out to the garden to harvest the last of the tomatoes and the eggplant and the green peppers
when Crissy noticed something.
It was this:
and if that’s not enough, this:
Her zinnias, her sun rays, and her marigolds are destroyed. These are the very same flowers that she planted from seeds given to her by her grandfather that are descended from his very own prized flowers and motherfucking Frank
got in there and smashed them all up.
And you know he did this just to be an asshole don’t you Queefs? Why else would he wait all summer and let them grow to their fullest potential and then go rummaging through Crissy’s garden and Papa’s flowers are the only thing he touched?
It’s woodchuck sarcasm is what it is.
He wants Crissy to know who has the power.
And Alice continues to be totally fascinated by Frank.
That’s pretty much her day–sticking her head under this hole in the fence waiting for Frank to come.
And so Crissy tried to harvest what was left of her zinnias and some of her marigolds and some of her sun rays and cursed Frank the whole time while Alice waited for her prince to come.
And so now whenever something in the house get ruined, we’re going to blame Frank. The wheel on Girlfriend’s train breaks? Frank did it.
Somebody spent the mortgage money on shoes?
And then just so that Crissy wouldn’t think her afternoon was crappy enough, Girlfriend was running barefoot through the grass and stepped on a motherfucking bee who stung her little footie.
She screamed a scream Crissy has never heard before and then spent the rest of the afternoon with her foot propped up on a pillow with an ice pack on it and flying high on Benadryl, Ibuprofen, and cherry popsicles.
So fuck you Frank for wrecking Crissy’s flowers AGAIN and fuck you bees for stinging girlfriend AGAIN.
In fact, fuck you Nature with you creatures and your…your…sunshine.