Hollow Weenie

Crissy is in crisis mode Queefs.

She cannot for the life of her think of a good Halloween costume for this year and so she needs your suggestions.

Like, now.

The Crissys were going to have a little par-tay but as it turns out only half the people can make it on one night and half can make it on the other so we cannot come up with a night where everyone–yes, all 5 of our friends–can make it.

And Crissy can remember a time when they had the. most. wonderful. Halloween parties and Everyone and their gay best friend would come and just fill Crissy’s house with sparkly party people who were high on pot brownies snickers bars and pineapple infused vodka fruit punch. So many people used to come that it was single file only through Crissy’s house and there was always a line for the bathroom.

It was glorious Queefs.

But now everyone has kids and real jobs and are in prison or the witness protection program at least and so now Crissy’s parties are just like…

And people have to be careful not to drink too much so they can get home to relieve the babysitter at a reasonable hour.

SNOOOOZZEEEE.

So instead of having a party the Crissy’s are going to one thrown by childless people and it will be fabulous like their parties used to be.

But what is Crissy’s costume?

It has to be something Totally Fabulous.

And it can’t be something Crissy has done before.

Crissy, along with our friend Matt have already done the schoolgirl thing:

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That would be Mister’s sister, Cya, biting Matt’s boobie.

And Crissy was Holly Golightly one year.

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But she did not go lightly. She go-ed hard!

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And Mister was Indiana Jones that year too. That’s where Crissy got the whip. Crissy knows Holly Golightly did not have a whip. Don’t be silly!

And a couple of years before that at their old house Crissy was a Naughty Miss Congeniality with a condom stuck to her shoe and her dress tucked into her underpanties and Mister was Pickle Pants Spiderman:

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We call him Pickle Pants because he stuffed his crotch with a pickling cucumber.

What?

It’s cold on Halloween. There was shrinkage!

And finally, last year Crissy and Mister were Pam Anderson and Borat:

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And that was a lovely costume indeed and Crissy let everyone touch her boobies because they were made of silicone inserts, tube socks and a very padded DD bra.

Crissy was obsessed with them.

But what this year Queefs?

Help Crissy find a costume. And it must steal all the attention away from the party and the onion dip and the little cocktail weenies and onto her because that’s what she really likes…

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35 comments

  1. I am pretty sure that Spider-Man did not wear Tivas. I think only Hollow Weenie Spider-Men wear Tivas. Thus, the pickling cucumber to “pump up” his image. Which brings me to the Borat photo. Is that a pickling cucumber in his pocket?

    As for what you should be for Hollow Weenie. I haven’t the slightest clue.

  2. Aren’t you Queen of Fucking Everything? My question is does everyone know that? I’m guessing not. So, why not dress up as QOFE as if she’s going out on a night on the town … or as if she’s going to a bad prom … or as if she’s just gone on an axe murdering spree. And then you can introduce yourself to the world!

  3. get your up-do and high necked 80’s stuff from the thrift store and go as Sarah Palin. Only refuse to answer anyone’s questions unless you first glance at a note card, and only give pre-determined answers.

    Guest: Hey Crissy, is that a pickle in Mister’s pocket or WHAT?

    The Sarah You: Why, Hi-dee-ho there, Susie!! I’m just a busy dance maaaahhhmmmm, just like you, so let’s DISCUSS this….(glancing at your card)…..Dontcha know that cucumbers aren’t even GROWN in Alaska, so I’ll have to get back to you on that pickle issue!! Thanks for askin’!!

  4. I’m trying AGAIN!! I sent you an email—with a couple of ideas…

    here are more:
    Geisha girl
    iron chef (any of them)
    amy winehouse
    you nude (I stole this from WhiskyMarie–another blogger I read…..) dress yourself in nude colored tights, a nude colored tank, nude pantyhose over hair, nude makeup, nude lipstick, with ‘stickers’ affixed to represent your nipples, and a dark ‘landing strip’ down below.

  5. I was going to be Dorothy this year and make Gay Boyfriend be Toto, but he said if we were doing Wizard of Oz, HE gets to be Dorothy and somehow, that made me the dog and Kate did not like that one bit. There is, however, something very, very sexy about Dorothy…

  6. Tinker Bell. And the Mister can be Peter Pan. This way he can once again stuff his crotch with pickling cucumber again. Plus I think the all the colors would match.

  7. A friend of mine dressed as Fay Wray: She wore an evening gown and blonde wig, then made a soft-sculpture gorilla hand and wrapped it around her waist.

    I also did a theme party one year: “It’s a Dead Man’s Party (come as your favorite dead person)” If you do that, then you could be any glamorous dead person you wanted. (My favorite guest came as Patsy Cline, with a piece of fuselage sticking out of her head.)

  8. (here’s the part where i make a huge-assed comment and piss off my wife…)

    @Dingo: while spidey is enhanced, borat is all me.

    @Maxie: we’ve actually done that already.

    @Narm: i actually kind of like that idea. it’s gonna be tough to make me look like ellen though.

    @Stealthnerd: eskiho is good. my chineese friend has always wanted to make himself some fake plate mail so he can be the chink in the armor.

    @Rachel M.: very creative, but how the hell does one design a moose suit?

    @k8: it’s the pigtails. always sexy.

    @brookem: it wasn’t much of a stretch for crissy. 😉

    @saratogajean: spidey looked long and hard for red booties in a size 14, but they were not to be.

    @Chris: she DID look hot, didn’t she? i especially liked the tattoo, which surprised me. i’ve always wanted to be indy:

    DSC00098 (by ride5000kag)

  9. you should be a girl scout ( i don’t know where this is coming from) .. you can get creative with the ‘cookies’….

  10. My plan this year is to go as an ’80’s prom queen. I’ve been searching Ebay for the perfect dress and I’m going to have HUGE HAIR. You can steal it because I highly doubt I’ll follow through. Plus, you live on the other side of the country.

  11. I love the Palin/McCain idea – if I didn’t already have a costume I would dress as Palin – the glasses, the pink suit, the accent the note cards!

    Glorious!

  12. hmmm…I actually really like the Portia DeRossi-Degeneres idea.

    Ken–I think you’re underestimating the power of some hair bleach and a pair of chuck taylors!

  13. hi, new to your blog. found it yesterday & accidently stayed 15 min late at work – the HORROR!

    anyways, costume idea: our first halloween together husband (then boyfriend) & i went as little red riding hood (me, just for clarification) & the big bad wolf.

    you can really get freaky w/lil red – short dress, heels, pigtails, basket full of “goodies”…
    husband isn’t really into the dress-up thing so i just got him a mask, but it appears mister is down with it, he could really have some fun.

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