You Down With OPF? Yeah, You Know Me!

Crissy has caught the Monkey Plague from Girlfriend and spent most of the weekend in Bedfordshire doing this:


And the Biggest Pussy Ever is really irritated because Girlfriend takes up so much space in the bed that he is forced to sleep on the very edge so that he doesn’t get any ugliness of the human on him. And he’s been eating Crissy’s plants and barfing them up in inconvenient places like under the dining room table and in Crissy’s shoes (not the cute ones everyone loved last week) just to punish her for the invasion of his daytime sleeping place.

He’s such a bitch sometimes.

Anyway this all means that Crissy didn’t really have a chance to prepare another genius, brilliant, fantastic, astoundingly smart and funny post for you today because of all the wheezing and sleeping and the sore throating and the whining at Mister that she did that took up the bulk of her weekend.

And so Crissy is never one to post OPF (Other People’s Funny) but today that is what she is doing because it is Monday and she is just now joining the land of the living and the breathing.


Click to make it bigger so you can read it. Don’t be lazy Queefs.



You know how people ask you this annoying question: “if you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be?” And you’re supposed to pick someone really impressive and shit like Dali Lama or Obama or Oprah or Toonces the Driving Cat or somebody like that?

Well Crissy picks whoever wrote that crap up there. Everyone else is useless to her.

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  1. So, then, I’d be not one of the cool kids if I wanted to have lunch with you, Stoogepie and Ben? Screw lunch, we’d just skip straight to days long Happy Hour, who am I kidding?

  2. And that’s why I hate cats. They think they’re so superior to us humans that they can barf wherever the hell they please while we’re expected to smoosh our face into the porcelain shrine. Whatever.

    Hope you’re feeling better. Thank the Mister for the picture – nice job.

  3. “I want to set it on fire and inject the ashes into my goddamn eyes”. Funniest thing ever! Where do you find this shit? Nice picture. Makes me want to crawl into my bed. or your bed. Either way.

  4. I saw a monkey this weekend. He didn’t look as though he had the plague though. He was being prostituted for money…money for pictures with the monkey…….stupid fat human pimps…….

    We tried to FIND monkeys at a swap meet on Sunday—but no luck….so we got a puppy instead.

    Sorry, but my weekend was awesome. Sorry yours sucked. I have a dog like the Worlds Biggest Pussy—he can be a bitch too!!

  5. I put a comment on here and the damn internet ATE it……..stupid internet.

    How do your sheets look so WHITE with animals and kids in the bed? If you tell me you wash them every day, I’ll hate you. And your good housekeeping skills.

    I am sorry you were sick this weekend. I saw a monkey with no plague at a festival…..his fat owners were pimping him out for cash….cash for pictures with the monkey……now the monkey wasn’t fat, so apparently HE wasn’t profiting from his hookering…….damn pimps.

    They supposedly had monkeys at a swap meet we went to, and we couldn’t find them….so we bought a puppy.

  6. So, I’m reading this during lunch and I’m thinking, “Hmm, who made up our language and who was the very first person that ever said, FUCK? It’s got to be somebody good.”

  7. Cats can be such bed bastards. My male cat checks in on me after Dan and I do it. He looks at me like, “Dammit, I rub my smell all over you today and you let this hairy bastard mark you like that? Well guess what I am doing all night? Yep, rubbing my ass on your face! You are MINE bitch!”

  8. I think you win the award for cutest picture EVER. It looks like you’re in a fancy super-comfortable mattress commercial.

    I think the cat gave you the monkey plague. He’s looking pretty sinister over there.

  9. Oh, you’re sick. I don’t even have that excuse. The blogging is just not…I dunno. That’s the best I can do.

    Maybe french kiss me and give me your cold so I have an excuse?

  10. OMG those two pictures had me laughing so hard I was crying!! My DH wanted to know why I was laughing so hard….so I read them to him and now he thinks I am crazy. LOL

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