Puff, Puff, Give. Puff, Puff, Give.


Crissy is really sorry she didn’t comment on your blogs yesterday but she was not at work which is the only place where she is able to read blogs because Girlfriend is very high maintenance. And Crissy was not at work because Girlfriend was terribly, terribly sick.

Yesterday was a real pain in the ass kind of day for your poor, poor wretched Crissy and her poor, poor wretched baby girl who came down with the Monkey Plague and had to be rushed to the doctor because she was wheezing so hard her little chest and belly were heaving from trying to get some air.

And she was coughing so hard she threw up on Crissy’s rug and we had to throw it away.

And the doctor said she was glad that Crissy brought her in because Girlfriend needed a treatment of Albuterol immediately and then would need an inhaler to bring home because The Bronchitis had given her The Asthma or something like that. And so the nurse came in with the drugs and a mask that was spewing cool mist from it and was all “put this over Girlfreind’s nose and mouth” and Girlfriend was all “Oh, Heeelll no.” And she fought and kicked and cried until she couldn’t fight any more and let Crissy put the mask on her but only if the doctor and nurse would go away.

The whole thing was the most terrible ordeal but when it was all over, Girlfriend was able to breathe again for the time being and she felt much better.

And she looked at her doctor and said,

are you ready?

Wait for it…

“That was friggin’ absurd!”

Crissy is a proud mommy today, Queefs.

At least she didn’t say “fuck.”

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  1. let me just go on the record as saying i love my daughter.

    what, she wasn’t 100% right that putting a stupid plastic/rubber ventilator mask over her face and making her breathe some weird smelling/tasting substance WASN’T friggin absurd???

  2. That’s what I’VE had all week long!

    They didn’t give me the gas mask though…probably because they don’t care about you unless you’re young and cute.

  3. I want to be friends with Girlfriend. Let me know when she gets facebook.

    p.s. you probably already know but you’re in the top 3 for the hottest mom blogger. hollllaaaa

    p.p.s. I agree with shelly– Ben is young and cute. whammy.

  4. I’m disappointed. Talk to me again when Girlfriend learns how to use Fuck appropriately. (Note, I didn’t say talk to me again when Girlfriend learns how to Fuck appropriately.)

  5. I used to need one of those nebulizer things when I was her age too, but I was never awesome enough to refer to it as friggin’ absurd. That’s priceless.

  6. Girlfriend is indeed awesome. I too am proud of her. I give her six months before she instead says, “that was totally fucking recockulous!”

    I also didn’t comment on any blogs yesterday! And the similarities do not end there. Most of this week I have been suffering from an acute case of drunkitis, too!

    Anyways, Girlfriend needs to carry a blade so folks don’t do her like that. She should have shanked that nurse.

  7. High Fives to Girlfriend! Totally accurate assessment of the situation!

    My cats threw up on the carpet… but I didn’t have to throw it away. Yet. I should vacuum the post-hork wreckage, though.

    And yeah, I’ll agree with those who have asserted that Ben is indeed young & cute.

  8. I know something else in your life that might be termed “friggin’ absurd”…I’m not sure I’m ready for the darkside just yet.


  9. OOOOHHHHH—-SQUEEEEE——-You are number ONE!!! NUMBER ONE HOTTEST MOMMYBLOGGER!!!! I wonder how many free e-mail accounts Mr. Perfectly got to vote…..sheesh, he really wants that photoshop….or at least that’s what he says……hey…….if he’s doing this to see you NEKKID, I’ll be soooooo pissed……


  10. Girlfriend ROCKS!!! And I just voted again for the 100th time for Crissy’s blog and it’s showing up as #1. Let’s keep voting so she can win!!!

  11. I suggest you mop the floors. That way she will go arse up and won’t wriggle so much while you try and smother her with that plastic thing.

    Sorry. That is what I did.

    So you read blogs at work? That is seriously hard core especially if you can read mine. Cause then you must work in a brothel or for the government.

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